Leaf:
I am 29 this year and I want to enter the system since I was 25 years old. I have been taking the exams of various civil servants and public institution . The competition is fierce and I have not succeeded.
Finally had good results this year. I went ashore with a district-level public institution . The salary was ordinary, and the salary was not as high as that of my private enterprise, but my victory was stable. The stone in my heart finally came to the ground.
Over the past few years, I have been changing jobs while taking exams. My husband has been accompanying me to prepare for the exam, encouraging and comforting me. We agreed not to consider having children before we get ashore.
I am not an expert in exams. If I get pregnant again, I will have a big belly to go for an interview, and there will be no chance. Without a stable job, it is impossible to provide a stable material foundation, so I want to solve the work first.
This time, we finally passed the exam. On the night when the website announced the announcement, we went to our in-laws’ house for dinner and announced the good news.
I thought they would be happy for me from the bottom of my heart, but I didn’t expect that there was no word of congratulations, but it immediately began to give birth.
Especially my mother-in-law, she said confidently that I have a essay now, and XX (my husband) has a smaller burden and can start to have children.
even said something even more ugly:
"Our neighbors have been talking about it for a long time. You two have been married for so long, and your stomach has not moved. Now you are at ease and it's time to do something serious."
What's even more annoying is that my husband, who has always been on the same front as me in childbirth, was shaken by her mother this time. On the way back, he said to me, "You can consider it." I was so angry that I didn't want to pay attention to him.
I am not resisting having a child, but as a strong woman, I want to have a good start in this new workplace experience, and then consider having a child after taking my career seriously.
instead of when the same group of colleagues were getting better, I went home to have a baby! What will leaders and colleagues think? It's too bad to accept it.
It’s really difficult for women in the workplace! On one hand, there is a career that has just begun, and on the other hand, the whole family has been born. If you can’t get both, how should I choose?
Ye Zijun's answer:
The dilemma you are facing is indeed widely present among working women around 30 years old.
, or not? This is a dilemma.
, your career is facing interruption or even regression. Don’t give birth. The birth period of women’s gold has been in this decade. What if you miss it, what if you regret it in the future?
And, your situation is particularly special.
You took the exam for 4 years and did not enter the system until you were 29 years old. It is equivalent to a pause button in your career. Now you have just restarted. With such delays, the conflict with your childbirth plan will become even more acute.
However, you must fully understand your in-laws and husband's eagerness to hold the child. In order to support you to get ashore, your husband has been waiting silently for 4 years.
Just this point, you really have to cherish your husband. For you, he has experienced torture and his own depressedness.
similar stimulus, he must have endured it a lot with you on his back, but he just didn't tell you if he was afraid of affecting your mood for preparing for the exam.
You finally got ashore now. His mood of being sweet and rainy after a long drought is completely understandable.
The specific suggestions I give you are as follows:
First, whether to have a child or not, the final decision lies with you.
After all, it is women who feel physically uncomfortable when giving birth, and only women are the ones who give and sacrifice, and what is delayed is your career alone.
Others are persuading and helping with actions, but no one can truly bear all the above for you.
So, no one is qualified to force you to have a child unless you want to have a child yourself. This is also the right given to you by law.
Please make sure that you want to be a mother before you give birth to a child. Instead of compromise for others and to complete the task.
Otherwise, you will have a bad mentality and will suffer setbacks in your work in the future and will also have complaints.
Second, don’t get pregnant immediately just after joining the job. It is recommended to take action after joining the job for 3 months to half a year.
The leader originally recruited a few staff members because the unit was short of personnel. And when you tell everyone that you are pregnant as soon as you go to work, your leader will definitely be unhappy.
Especially those colleagues in the same department as you, I thought I would have a new person, but it turned out to be a pregnant woman. Even if I didn’t say it, I felt unhappy.
More importantly, the period when you first joined the company is a golden period for you to integrate into the unit and improve your understanding with your colleagues.
If you use it to get pregnant and take maternity leave, when you go back to work, you will find that the gap will be widened with other colleagues who have been admitted to the exam. This kind of knot will make you become learned helpless and less confident.
A good start is half the success. You have to work until retirement. The beginning determines your future career happiness index.
Anyway, I have been waiting for a few years, so we are not missing these few months, right?
After spending several months integrating into the collective, having a relatively positive personality and laying a good start, then seriously consider preparing for pregnancy, and your future path will be better.
Third, it is not recommended that you dare not get pregnant in order to take your new job seriously.
You have said that working within the system is nothing more than pursuing a word of stability. After the probation period, no one can be fired as long as you don’t make any mistakes.
Then why do you even be careful when you get pregnant like you do in a private company? Pregnancy and having children is your legitimate power, and you must use it.
, especially in places like public institutions, the ceiling is low and the number of leadership positions is small. Everyone is just looking for a stable meal.
To put it bluntly, you work hard and work hard, and you are taken care of after you get pregnant. In the end, there is almost no difference between you. There is no need to delay pregnancy plans for the sake of work.
In the end, no one noticed your efforts at all. Instead, there will be sarcastic gossip, which will not be better than your mother-in-law today.
That’s right, there are many small units in the system, and there are so many boring idle people. Unless you follow the rules and follow the established pattern, you will inevitably be discussed.
Since that's the case, there is no need for you to sacrifice your family for work. After the initial career running-in period with leaders and colleagues, as long as you want to have a child, please freely control your power!
(Original article by Ye Zijun, plagiarism will be prosecuted)
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I am Ye Zijun. I have been working hard in the system for more than ten years, and I have been steadily speaking about my workplace experience and honestly teaching you to avoid pitfalls. Follow me and let you grow faster!
