The most interesting and practical psychology
Infants and young children have . Oral period , is mainly because the baby's brain development is not perfect enough, they can't identify which body parts belong to them , And which ones belong to their own mothers.
At this stage they are forming independent self-awareness, but because there is no way to explore the world completely independently, they can only obtain information from the outside world. And these outside information can only be transmitted to their minds through their eyes or ears, which will also make their understanding very one-sided.
So does the oral phase only exist in infancy? Does an adult have an oral phase? If so, in which age group will they appear?
Psychologists pointed out that from a scientific point of view, if a person’s personality is not fully developed, even if they are already adults, there will still be a very obvious period of oral sex, and it will usually be between 20 and 25 years old. Appear.
Many people in this age group have just entered the society. Although they are already adults, they are not willing to take their responsibilities. They feel that other people's kindness to them is a matter of course, and there is no need to give them anything in return.
When they cannot trust a relationship or cannot get the security they deserve, they will show an arrogant attitude. At that time, they only paid attention to their own personal interests, but did not think about other people's feelings and mental states. They live in the world they have imagined, and feel that they are now very perfect.
In fact, deep down in their hearts, they are also very clear that they are not a perfect person, and the society and the external environment have brought tremendous pressure to them.
Because they are very lonely inside, they have formed a special defense mechanism to allow themselves to live in a beautiful fantasy world, so that they do not need to make changes and can also relieve their inner pressure.
But in fact, this is a very pathological way of decompression, not worthy of praise. When a person pursues himself, he often ignores many things in the outside world, such as other people's love, or self-discipline beliefs and other constraints.
Although this kind of restraint makes our lives less easy, but without these restraints, our lives will become more dangerous, and may even go astray.
In the process of trying to love themselves, many people become selfish and often hurt others.
There are some adults who are crazy about something, and even their real life is occupied by imaginary obsession objects . This degree of craziness is like a baby who has entered the oral phase. If no one restricts their behavior, a series of mental health problems will arise.
In fact, many people have different levels of psychological problems, but few people dare to face and solve such problems.
In the opinion of some psychologists, the reason why a person can restrain himself in self-discipline is because their heart is full of love. Love can make them perfect their personalities, and it can also make their minds more mature.
But those adults who enter into a pathological obsession,On the contrary, they are unable to control their own behavior, and often even have a desire to destroy everything. This is a very morbid relationship. Even if they fall in love, it is only based on their own imagination and will not really care for their significant other.
They will have a strong sense of dependence on this new object, so they will also be very afraid of some changes in this relationship, worrying that their relationship will cause potential crisis. Therefore, in this relationship, they often experience anxiety and anxiety, and it is easy to make the relationship between the two people continue to deteriorate.
But in fact, a normal intimate relationship requires not only two people to rely on each other, but also self-esteem and self-love, respect for their own personality and ideas. A good relationship is positive. Both people can learn new knowledge in this relationship and urge them to move towards a better future.
But pathologically obsessed people just like the sense of security that this relationship brings, and they don't realize that their emotions are abnormal.
Therefore, they will only be intoxicated in this kind of relationship. Even if they have a relationship after another, there is still no way to find the root of the problem.
But in any case, this kind of morbid psychology is harmful, not only hurting yourself, but also hurting the object of your attachment.
If you want to change the status quo, you can try to take a vacation and change your mood at the right time, so that you have enough time to face your true inner thoughts.
At the same time, we should also learn to endure bitterness and learn the principle of first bitterness and sweetness . Only in this way, when encountering the pain and happiness of life,It will not easily appear emotional fluctuations, but can better solve problems and enjoy the greatest degree of happiness.
In fact, many people do not want to be responsible, but they do not know how to be responsible.
It is very likely that they have neurological disorders or personality disorders. If you want to change the status quo from the bottom of your heart, you need to learn to not shirk responsibility when you encounter difficulties or problems. Even if the consequences are too heavy for you, you must learn to accept the reality so that you can become a more responsible person.
There is always suffering and happiness in life. We should not escape the pain that needs to be faced, nor should we indulge in illusory beauty. If some ideas and habits are outdated, then bravely giving up on them and changing yourself is a better state of life.
.-The End-
Author | Magic Little
Edit | Before and After Black and White
First Psychological Lead Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
References: Thibaut, JW & Kelley, HH (1959) The social psychology of groups. New York: Wiley; Tanay, G., Lotan, G., & Bernstein, A. (2012). Salutary proximal processes and distal mood and anxiety vulnerability outcomes of mindfulness training: A pilot preventive intervention. Behavior therapy, 43(3), 492-505.
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