A quiet girl came to the consultation room. She has been a good child in the eyes of her parents since she was a child. She has good grades, studies hard, does not play around, and has no friends. My parents said that she had no problem, but she was under a lot of pressure in her studies in the third year of junior high school recently and loved to play with her mobile phone. She didn’t do well in this exam, so come here to give me some advice.
But the girl said that the reason why she couldn't learn was because she was always worried at school whether her parents would quarrel at home and whether her mother would be sad. Because my mother often told her that she and her father were going to divorce, but because of her, they did not divorce. Over the years, she witnessed her parents quarrels from the moment she was a child until she was a child, and her mother was even beaten, and later her father betrayed her marriage. My mother has been in pain over the years, and often says that she is telling her that she is leaving and living is boring. It makes her feel that it is because of her that her mother is living such a bad life. It is her who harmed her mother. She said that if she hadn't herself, her mother would have been happier and happier...
So she has worked hard to be a good child in the eyes of her parents since she was a child, study well, be obedient, and never cause trouble for her parents! My mother enrolled her in a cram school, and she would go there even if she didn’t want to. But even so, my mother would often say, it depends on how much money you spent on studying? How much burden has it added to the family's economy!
So she never dared to neglect her studies. She has stayed up late to do her homework every night since elementary school, and now she has been staying up to one o'clock every night. Her mother set her goal for next year is the top school institution in the city. She dared not neglect her, but she felt very insecure, for fear that one day she would be empty! So she couldn't concentrate on studying, and was trapped in contradictions and distress, exhausted both physically and mentally!
The girl said while crying. She said that during the most painful and difficult period, she cut her arm one after another. She said that it seemed that only that pain could make her feel a little bit of existence, and at that time she was only in the fifth grade of elementary school.
The girl is very smart and can find out the source of all her symptoms by herself; she is very sensible and does not want her condition to add burden to her parents. Over the years, she has suffered all her pain by herself, and even if she hurt herself, she will not tell her parents! She has never had friends since she was a child. It’s not that she doesn’t want to make friends with her, but on the contrary, she really hopes that others can take the initiative to approach her, know her goodness, and make friends with her. But a subconscious voice told her that her existence will make others suffer, and she is not a good existence, so she does not deserve friendship and love! In families like
, the mother's guilt education has ruined all the happiness of children's childhood and teenagers! If this method does not stop, its destructiveness will be unimaginable.
text | Niu Suying
——Wenzhou Haizhilian Psychological Counseling Center
