Face anxiety
"Mom, will the hair on my legs grow as long as you do? It's too ugly."
"I'll remove the hair at that time." Xiao Qi was talking to himself, and I was already on the side.
I used the first set of rhetoric - denial method: "Don't think about removing hair, that's part of your body. You are just a primary school student, and the focus should not be on these, it will distract your energy."
I just want to scold her for a few words.
Sure enough, she shut up.
But she still held her legs and looked there. I knew that the exit of the problem was just a mass of papyrus grass, and it was not solved.
had to come up with the second set of rhetoric - rational method: "Shave hair only removes the surface hair, but the hair follicles will continue to grow, so it will take less than two days to deal with it. It is not worth wasting time on this; although using lasers can permanently remove hair, the cost is that hair follicle cells are necrotic, and the skin in the hair removal area will be dehydrated and dry, and people as sensitive as you may also be allergic to them."
I wanted to scare her away, but I didn't expect her to think of a countermeasure: "Shave hair quickly, and apply moisturizer when the skin is dry."
I know that the problem cannot be solved at this level.
Real problems
When we encounter behaviors that children do not accept, the most easiest way we think of is deny - deny the needs of children and the legitimacy of their behavior. But denies that it cannot let the child's needs disappear. Although Xiaoqi shut up temporarily, the needs are just hidden from the surface to the bottom. If I keep denying it, then all her needs will not be known to me in the future.
If you place the anchor point "the hair removal method has side effects", Xiaoqi's second answer told me that she will spend time on remedial measures or finding more advanced hair removal methods. My rational law not only couldn't scare her away, but instead "encourage" her to spend more time entangling in this matter.
So, I didn't find the real problem.
If we don’t find the real problem, the various efforts we make every day are like hitting a gopher. After pressing this and getting up again, even though we are as busy as a hammer, we can only make more and more bags on our heads.
In fact, Xiaoqi’s real problem is: he is not satisfied with his body. The belief behind
is "I'm not good enough".
"Only by removing these hairs and legs are perfect", "I am beautiful only with filters", "I am better looking only by thinner"... "Preface anxiety" has spread from adults to primary school students. Coupled with the rendering of short videos, children's beliefs are locked at such a low psychological energy level.
people cannot pull themselves up on the spot, but people standing on high places can easily pull them up.
So I thought of the third set of rhetoric - the method of belief: "Do you know? Actually, I think these hairs on your body are particularly cute. They are like a thin layer of protective layers, helping you to discharge things that you don't need in your body, and at the same time protect the dirty things outside and not harm your body."
"Mom, why do you remove the hair too?" Xiao Qi looked at me in confusion.
"Because I didn't understand this problem before, I thought perfection was considered pretty. But evaluates whether a person is beautiful or not, and it will change with a deep understanding of a person."
"Some people look good, but after communicating with him, they may find that the innermost part of TA's gorgeous appearance is very simple, and the heart does not shine, and his appearance will also be overshadowed. "
"So the essence of being beautiful or not is not in the appearance, but in the heart. In addition to appearance, a confident person shows in the eyes of others, he has the vitality, persistence, and tolerance of his own... What he presents is not the single face of appearance, but a cube. With more faces displayed, he will not be confused about what a certain face is. "
" But there are many videos on Little Sweet Potato that teach us to be beautiful. "Xiao Qi stopped looking at her legs and started looking at me.
" Information is classified into levels. Some levels are beneficial to our psychological growth, but it may not be widely disseminated. Those that are widely disseminated may not be beneficial information. Let’s not talk about you, even adults are easily trapped by these low-level information. Surrounded by low-level information all day long, it feels like a person is trapped in a swamp, and it is difficult to jump out. "
" How do I know which information is of high level? "
" The information that you feel that you are not as good as others after watching it, your body is not good everywhere, and you need to use various means to become good, are information that is low-level; and those videos that you will feel a good feeling in your heart after watching it, and those videos that you feel very happy are high-level. ”
”””” Artificial Intelligence will push content you often watch, so takes away those low-level information and accepts more high-level information , so that your heart will become more and more calm. "
Xiaoqi thought for a while and said seriously: " Mom, I actually think my body is very good. I love my body ."
See children with love
Children have low ability to distinguish information, but parents cannot sifte all the information they come into contact with. The most effective way It is to be their active listeners so that children can show us all their confusions calmly. But the first and second sets of speeches in are the mortal enemies of listening and will make children close the door of communication.
see that children do not meet our ideas, guides with new beliefs rather than accusations and denials. A family without secrets and conceals is a smooth and healthy system.
