My friend Zhinan divorced without warning last month. I asked her why, and she said, "We have nothing to say, don't trust, and we sleep at night, and we would have been strangers. If we weren't afraid of affecting our children's college entrance examination, I would have divorced him long ago."
Zynan is 46 years old this year. The couple is a "model couple" in our circle of friends. They fell in love at first sight at a friend's party and have been married for almost 20 years. They respect each other as guests. They rarely heard of them having conflicts and quarrels. Their divorce really surprised me. Zhinan said: "You see respect for each other, but because we don't get along very much at all, our relationship is weak, there are fewer direct conflicts, and there is no conflict between us. Basically, we live our own lives."
Zhinan said that she didn't know when they had become so cold, neither noisy nor quarrel. She was like two strangers living under the same roof, and their perfunctory life without warmth has long made her feel bored. The day after her son received the college admission letter, she filed for divorce. When her family found out, they advised her that they were all in their 50s, so don’t bother with each other, and if they can, they can make do with it. If you divorce and remarry, you may not necessarily encounter good things. If you don’t marry again, you will be lonely and lonely when you are old. Zhinan felt that the loneliness of the two was more uncomfortable than the loneliness of the one. She insisted on leaving and the two broke up peacefully.
Bafari Knicks said: Marriage is a book, the first chapter writes the poems, and the rest are plain prose. Marriage life often slowly recalls the ordinary from the initial novelty and enthusiasm. Although it is said that plainness is true, plainness does not mean coldness. When a couple becomes more and more cold in their marriage, it means that their relationship is gradually disappearing.
Zhinan sighed: A woman who can continue to live in her forties will definitely not be able to get through it. Usually, there are three reasons why couples cannot continue to live.
Don't communicate with each other
We often say that marriage has " Seven Years Itch ", and the freezing of three feet is not a day's cold. Many of the disappearance of love between husband and wife is because there is no communication and communication.
Zhi Nan and her husband got together because of love. When they first got married, they were also very tired. Whether they encountered happy things or unhappy things, they would share them with each other and bear them together. Even if two people are busy with work, they will talk about family matters after dinner. But with the birth of the child, there were more trivial matters in life, and the conflicts between them began to increase. At first, there were constant quarrels, but after the quarrel, no one changed. Later, she might be bored or tired. As soon as Zhinan got angry, her husband would either go out or enter the room, and she could only hold back what she wanted to say.
Slowly, Zhinan also put away his temper and said less, but their conflicts did not decrease at all. It was just that they became unwilling to communicate. They usually had almost no topics except for a few short answers about eating, going out, and children's related matters. During the day, he went to work his own time and got home from get off work at night. Zhinan was busy with housework. Her husband would occasionally ask about his son's study status and spent most of his time looking at his mobile phone. Even if two people encounter problems, they cannot communicate. They almost solve their own problems.
If a husband and wife do not communicate with each other, it means that each of them has closed their hearts and prevented each other from getting close. As time goes by, the relationship will naturally fade.
Distrust each other
Communication is very important between husband and wife. If they do not communicate, they will easily become suspicious, and if they become suspicious, they will easily collapse.
It may be because of not communicating with each other. Zhinan feels more and more distance from her husband, and her trust in him is gradually being erased. Similarly, he doesn't trust her either.In the first two or three years of marriage, Zhinan and her husband were inseparable. In addition to pretending to be full of each other, the two of them also put their salaries together. If anyone wants to use it, just say it. Zhinan said that at that time, although they didn’t have much money, she felt very safe and felt that her husband could definitely give herself a bright future.
But later, because the contradiction deepened, my husband proposed the AA system, and Zhinan agreed in anger. From then on, they had more suspicions and less trust. In addition to feeling that her husband no longer loves him, Zhinan even suspected that he had another woman outside. For this reason, she had secretly checked his phone, and although she found nothing, she still couldn't believe him. In fact, Zhinan knew that her husband actually didn't trust her, otherwise he wouldn't have calculated so clearly about his financial situation, nor would he secretly put all the money in his mother's name.
Trust is the basic premise for a marriage to last. If you rely solely on love in a marriage, you may not be able to live a lifetime. Only when the husband and wife trust each other can you have the rest of your life. A couple who do not trust each other cannot have love, and sooner or later they will break the fate of a couple.
Don’t sleep with a bed
There is a saying in "Marriage Psychology" that says this: Marriage is a kind of intimate relationship. The most intimate relationship between people is to describe "same bed and sleep", and the skin friendship between husband and wife is often more than thousands of words. The couple slept in the same bed every day, saying some heartwarming words and having some intimate interactions, so that the relationship between the two will get better and better. If a couple lie in separate beds every night, you can imagine what the relationship between two people will be like.
Zhinan said that during those years she and her husband had a good relationship, every night, the two of them joked and said love words, and then she fell asleep peacefully on her husband's arm, feeling at ease and satisfied, feeling that she was the happiest woman in the world. But slowly, there was no sweet talk between the two people. Even if they were sleeping in the same bed, they would sleep on one side and no one touched each other. Later, my husband often returned at night and took the initiative to go to the guest room to sleep, which eventually became a normal state.
When I just slept in the room, Zhinan was lying alone in the bed, and he still thought about it and couldn't sleep. Later, after a long time, he got used to it. In the third year when the two of them slept separately, Zhinan found that her husband was having an affair with other women. Perhaps because she had lost her feelings for a long time, she was not angry, but just secretly made up her mind that after her son was admitted to college, she would end this cold marriage life.
A bed carries the closest relationship between husband and wife. In addition to the duty of husband and wife, it also helps to communicate and enhance the relationship between husband and wife. The couple has different beds all year round, and their relationship is becoming increasingly cold, and they are making do if they don’t divorce.
In short, in In marriage, the relationship between husband and wife who does not communicate with each other, distrust each other, and sleeps in one bed is useless. If this continues, the marriage life will change from dullness to coldness, and the relationship between husband and wife will drop to freezing point. In fact, it is impossible for such a couple to grow old together.
Finally, I hope all lovers will not lose love in their ordinary life!
(Image from the Internet, infringement must be deleted)
