"Please answer 1998" has a line: "All the boundaries of are what it means to go there."
There is a degree to be grasped in the relationship between people. If we lose the sense of boundaries, we may make the relationship a mess and even affect our lives.
This is the case with colleague Liu Kai. He took a few days off and asked everyone a question: "Should I get divorced?"
Liu Kai's child is only 8 months old. It was really surprising that he said such words. During the rest, he told the truth.
Liu Kai and his wife are in a free relationship. They were once college classmates. The wife was beautiful, but she fell in love with him. It also has something to do with his eloquence.
My wife has a younger brother who has poor grades and dropped out of school before graduating from high school. When Liu Kai first got married, he took good care of his brother-in-law, helped him find a job, and took him to a restaurant.
Mother-in-law once chatted and joked: "My brother-in-law will be handed over to you in the future. As your brother-in-law, you must take good care of him ."
Liu Kai didn't care. He felt that his brother-in-law was already an adult and had something to take care of, but he didn't understand what his mother-in-law didn't say, that was that his brother-in-law was incompetent and needed a support.
The third year of marriage, his wife was pregnant, and Liu Kai was very happy. He suggested that his wife resign and go home to take care of her baby. In order to prevent his wife from worrying about life, he worked overtime and took the initiative to take on many tasks just to give his wife a better life.
When Liu Kai was in confinement, he wanted his mother to take care of him. He happened to be retired and had nothing to do at home. His wife wanted to go back to her parents' home and said that his mother was taking care of her more comfortable.
Considering the possible problems that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may encounter, Liu Kai agreed. He gave his mother-in-law 3,000 pocket money every month, and his wife's living expenses and milk powder money were calculated separately. Although life pressure was too great, Liu Kai felt that everything was worth it when he saw the child lively and cute.
That's it. The couple has been separated for a long time. Liu Kai missed his children very much and made a lot of calls. His wife didn't want to come back. He had only time to run to his mother-in-law's house.
The mother-in-law's house has been built for several years, but it has not been renovated yet, so his wife discussed with Liu Kai: ", why don't you take 100,000 yuan to decorate the house so that we can live more comfortably."
Liu Kai was surprised that why should the mother-in-law's house be decorated by himself, but he couldn't help but be tempted by his wife. He still agreed, mainly for the sake of the children, and he also wanted the children to live a better life.
After the house was renovated, his wife proposed to buy home appliances and asked Liu Kai to get another 50,000 yuan. Liu Kai had no money. He had to pay the mortgage and raise his wife and children. His monthly income was very tight. Seeing that he was hesitant, his wife said angrily: "Before marriage, he said he should be good to me, but it changed after marriage. Isn't buying home appliances for the children? Otherwise, it's so cold in winter."
Liu Kai thought it made sense, so he swiped the card to buy a set of home appliances for his mother-in-law's house, and he slowly paid them in installments. The mother-in-law quietly reminded him: "Don't tell your parents about the decoration with money."
This made Liu Kai wonder. Since you don't think there is a problem, why should you be afraid of being known?
Liu Kai’s parents are both retired people. They have been thrifty all their lives and are reluctant to buy clothes when changing seasons. When Liu Kai got married, they gave him a down payment of 300,000 yuan and saved money to buy a car for him, so it would be convenient to take the children to visit relatives.
Add a chat, Liu Kai accidentally told me about taking money to decorate my mother-in-law's house. My mother was so angry that her chest hurt. She ignored Liu Kai for a long time.
Even so, Liu Kai did not realize the problem. He still ran to his mother-in-law's house whenever he had time. He went there more times and knew his brother-in-law better. He found that his brother-in-law had never gone out to work, played games at home all day, and didn't know how to wash his hair oil. He looked completely useless.
The mother-in-law is very spoiled for her son. She never blames her son, but instead looks for people everywhere to introduce her to her son. Some girls also expressed their willingness, but proposed to buy a house in the city, which became a big threshold.
Where can the mother-in-law have money to buy a house? She has a salary of more than 2,000 yuan a month, of which 2,000 yuan is used to pay social security for her son. In other words, the mother is paying pension money for her son when she works, and she has nothing left. This method itself is pathological.
Liu Kai couldn't stand it. He suggested that his brother-in-law find a job. The brother-in-law retorted: "I have food and drink, and I stayed well at home, why should I go out to work?"
"You can't keep relying on my parents. Look at my mother. She is old and still expects you to retire in the future."
My brother-in-law didn't listen to advice at all. He pushed Liu Kai out of the door: "You don't have to worry about my affairs, don't affect my game."
The wife's attitude towards this is to hope that Liu Kai will help her brother-in-law, but not to let her work, but to give money directly.
Liu Kai refused. He didn't want to fall into a poverty alleviation marriage, so he suggested letting his wife go home. His wife cried and made a fuss, saying that Liu Kai didn't know how to be grateful, and his mother-in-law helped take care of the children, but he refused to help his brother-in-law.
This is not a question of whether to help or not. My brother-in-law doesn’t work hard, and if you want to pull him, you can’t find your hand.
The mother-in-law's wish is to get her son married, but who can fall in love with him? Any clear-headed girl will find a reliable man. Such lazy people will only cause trouble for themselves.
There is another big thing that makes Liu Kai a big deal. The mother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer when she was not feeling well. The doctor suggested that she treat her well. It may be about 3 years left. The mother-in-law didn’t want to be hospitalized at all. She once asked Liu Kai during dinner: " If I were hospitalized, would you give it money?"
Liu Kai was confused. Isn’t it my son’s obligation to treat his parents? How can I get my son-in-law to get the money? He realized that he could not continue and urged his wife to leave quickly. He did not pay a penny, but wanted to give him only the expenses within his ability, such as sharing part of the money, and just pretending to be filial to his wife.
It is obvious that the wife was unwilling to do so, and she even filed for divorce, saying that Liu Kai would not take care of his mother-in-law's family and she gave up the marriage.
This is the beginning scene. Liu Kai asked for a few days off to deal with family issues. He asked his wife not to go home in anger. He still couldn't understand what he had done wrong, so why did he put things in a state of anxiety?
is actually not that Liu Kai has a problem, but that there is a problem with his mother-in-law and her family.
First of all, the mother-in-law protects her baby. She is very kind to her children. She is reluctant to let her children suffer. No matter how hard or tired she is, she has to spend money on her son. She also takes good care of her daughter when giving birth, but she is too spoiled and reluctant to ask for her children, thinking that it is good to let her children have food and clothing. In fact, her son is spoiled and lazy and has an inseparable relationship with her mother.
Secondly, the wife couldn't understand . She felt that her husband had the ability to help, but she refused to think from the perspective of others. Her husband was also very tired. If she had been helping her parents' family without any bottom line, what should she do when her family was in her small family?
The wife knew that the child was Liu Kai’s weakness, so she used this as a threat and hoped that Liu Kai would agree to her conditions. This approach is extremely wrong. For a person who is not motivated, the more you help you, the more you will be counterproductive.
Conclusion:
helping brother is not an isolated case. Not many people can completely help regardless of their family situation. A woman like
is sad. She could have had a happy family, but because of her own mistakes in her cognition, the family relationship became precarious.
A woman with high emotional intelligence knows how to keep the sense of boundaries and be close to her parents' family. If her younger brother is lazy, the best way is not to help, but to let the other party suffer.
The road of life is done by oneself, and everyone needs to be responsible for their own behavior. You can help the other person for a while, but you can't help for the rest of your life. The best way to help is not to help. Sometimes, it is a kind of vision to be careful when you are careful.
What do you think about this? Do you think the mother-in-law should get the money when she is sick?
