text | Zhu Sinyong
What is more terrible than deviantness? I can tell you that it is the "Cold War". Deviantness is a problem that can be solved because I saved tens of thousands of deviant families, but the terrible thing about the "Cold War" is that from the beginning, the "communication" between you was cut off. There was no transmission of feelings, no discussion of solutions, and the feelings between both parties were constantly consumed, cutting off all the way to "improving relationships". Therefore, if you want to save your marriage, you must break the closed relationship.
Someone asked me, "How long does a couple have a cold war and they have no feelings for each other?" There is no fixed answer to this question. It is not like having an alarm clock, and they will get divorced as soon as the time comes.
However, from this question, I saw that she should have been trapped by the Cold War and entered a dilemma. She was afraid of divorce but didn't know how to solve it.
And, she also fell into two misunderstandings: 1. Fear of divorce. Haven’t done a good job in divorce psychological construction; 2. Use emotional thinking to solve problems. In the relationship between husband and wife, we are at a disadvantage and are frozen and at a loss.
First, the key to breaking the Cold War?
First of all, the Cold War is a war, which is the result of the two people jointly contributed. If you don't want to have a cold war, you can try to break it actively. You must know that you always have the initiative.
You must first resolve the factors of your cold war:
What incident did you choose to have a cold war with your husband?
What problems did the Cold War solve for you?
What harm did the Cold War bring to you and your marriage?
What are the consequences of continuing the cold war?
Are you wanting to continue the consequences of the Cold War?
After thinking rationally, you can take action and tell your husband directly:
"Husband, the Cold War has brought great consumption and pain to both of us, and it cannot solve the problems between us at all. Now we start to stop the Cold War. We should speak, live a normal life, and solve the problems with rationality and kindness."
As long as you do not cooperate with the Cold War, this dilemma will be broken.
Second, dealing with events leading to the Cold War.
After this communication, the next step is to deal with the events that led to the Cold War. You can use some communication skills, such as presenting events during communication, presenting the feelings of both parties, and applying appropriate pressure to solve specific problems and open an incision.
Secondly, the need for divorce construction was mentioned earlier.
has the psychological construction of divorce. It is not to promote divorce and promote divorce, but to not be afraid of your husband filing for divorce.
When your husband proposes divorce, you should directly tell him the bottom line of his marriage and under what circumstances, you will take the initiative to kill the marriage.
It’s not that he filed for divorce, you have to discuss his idea of divorce, or solve his idea of divorce.
You need to know whether the quality of your marriage can withstand the immediate problems; know what solutions to the problems you face if you divorce.
After the divorce psychology is well established, you are neither humble nor arrogant when facing your husband, and have the courage to deal with marriage issues in detail, so that you will not be controlled and suppressed by your husband.
3, set the target.
It is difficult to fall into emotional thinking and emotional thinking if you have a goal.
When facing marriage problems, don’t consider whether there is still feelings or how much feelings are left.
Fellowship is the result of your marriage, not the solution to the problem. Feelings are dynamic and vital, but if managed well, they can get better and better. If they are not managed well, the relationship will disappear even if there is no Cold War.
extracts the current marriage problems, sets your long-term and short-term goals, formulates specific plans and speeches, and starts from the simplest and most basic one-on-one couple communication. When the Cold War state is broken and you start positive communication, the quality of the marriage will only get better and better.
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