Author | Xiaoran
Hello everyone, today it is another sub-store. I will recommend it. After I made a recommendation for a period of recommendation, I saw some friends in the comment area saying: Sub-store, you should treat this store as your own store and come back frequently. So I often come back to check it out. In this issue, I will share with you some tips on complaining.
We often think that "complainting is useless" while also unable to help complaining in life. If you also want to be an effective complainer, then I recommend this "The Art of Complaint" for your reference . Today I will share 2 points worth reading about this book.
directory
Part1
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complain
more effective complain
Part2
Make delicious complaints sandwiches
sandwich recipe
sandwich recipe
seasoning
Text version
Did you complain today?
1
First, I share with you the content of the first part. People have different opinions on complaints. Some people think that if you are wronged and troubled, you should not complain endlessly, but should shut up and suppress yourself and restrain yourself. Telling it will only increase others' worries; some people think that complaining cannot solve the actual problem, so it is better to think of some ways to solve this problem quietly. . Should you complain? Author Dr. Guy Winch gave us a clear answer, must complain!
Because suppressing one's own emotional catharsis is not advisable, long-term depression may also cause people to fall into a depressed mood, and may even develop into a D-type personality. D personality refers to the tendency to be hostile and angry, but it is difficult to express these negative emotions at the same time. These negative emotions are often in a state of depression, which will greatly increase the risk of coronary artery disease in this case, so suppressing complaints are very unfavorable to our physical and mental health.
But I keep chatting, and no one likes to hear complaints like Xianglin Sao . Dr. Winch tells us that the best way to reduce complaining in is not to stop complaining, but to complain effectively. If our complaints are more effective, then things that make us angry and dissatisfied are more likely to improve, even if this change does not happen immediately or is not very obvious, it will change. The complaint of
is that it is simply emotional catharsis, and it doesn't matter if you occasionally do this in front of people you trust. However, if simply vents emotions and complains, when facing an object and opportunity that is not particularly suitable, it may not only not receive a response, but may even make yourself more depressed. A real example is given in the book
. After Rachel broke up with her boyfriend in a bar, she rushed into the women's bathroom and cried loudly, and complained to another strange woman who was putting on makeup in anger, saying that the man was such a bastard. But the strange woman behind her answered, "Oh, is that right? Then how do I know if you are a bastard?" In this example, Rachel not only did not get the peace of mind after venting, but also had a vain of incomprehension.
and effective complaints can not only safely vent emotions, but also solve problems and heal emotions. I especially like the author in the first chapter of the beginning, writing an example of himself and a complaint letter.Shortly after renting an apartment, the author was so loud that he was unable to sleep by the sound of excavation of the apartment building. Even though he could not bear it, even though he knew that the property company was not under the jurisdiction of the property company, he decided to write a complaint letter to the property.
This complaint letter perfectly demonstrates what is an effective complaint. The specific content is a close first. We will discuss it in detail at the next point. Let’s talk about the results of this letter first. Although the author has no hope to solve the problem, this complaint letter not only received an active response from the property company, but also allowed the author’s emotions to be seen, and even received the treatment of the property company to take the initiative to reduce the rent for the author.
Delicious complaints sandwich
2
Next, let's talk about the second point, how is effective complaint? Because complaining is essentially a kind of communication, So when there are more and more emotions in our hearts, we may feel that what we need to say will be exaggerated, and then we need to say it repeatedly and loudly. It seems that this way can we convey emotions and gain the other party's understanding, but sometimes this method will backfire. If we want to gain real understanding and support when complaining and venting our emotions, we also need to make some efforts.
The author of this book provides us with a method called complaining about sandwich . The recipe for this sandwich is that the top layer of bread slices are heard in , the middle layer of bread slices is complaining itself, and the bottom layer of bread slices is a digestive aid.
Let’s start with the bread slices on the top layer of , which is what you listen to in . Even if it is a complaint, we should try to make it more listenable. Because most people in will have some precautions when they hear complaining, because they will feel that they are being attacked or criticized. Therefore, if we want to complain or complaint to be effective, we must try our best to ease the complaints and try to avoid the audience's guardedness.
Now let’s take a look at the complaint letter I wrote to the property company above. The author first expressed that he felt very comfortable and satisfied when he lived here. It seemed a simple sentence, but in fact it would make the property company less prepared and would be willing to continue reading.
Next, let’s talk about the second layer, “meat” , which is the content of the complaint itself. In this letter, the author's overall tone is pertinent and rational. makes people sound more like a demand or a request, rather than a complaint or a request, but an objective statement of fact. This is to maintain a non-hostile atmosphere in . In a non-hostile atmosphere, expressing one's needs may be a better way.
Sandwich The last piece of bread, is for to aid digestion. The sentence structure used by the author of is like this, "If it can be done, I will be very grateful." Not only did he raise his complaint, but he also explained that "it is because the situation is so bad that I have to do it." He expressed his helplessness and helplessness. In this letter, there is also "I know you are not obliged to take any action..." such as exchanging positions, mutual understanding, and empathizing with the situation and position of the property company, which actually improves the motivation of those who read people to lend a helping hand.
In addition to these three relatively simple sandwich recipes, the author also told us that can add some small seasonings to the complaints. For example, choose the right complaint object and timing to clarify your own complaint purpose.
For example, if the purpose of complaining is just emotional catharsis, such as the girl who complains about scumbags mentioned above.Then the more suitable complaining person is not the stranger you meet in the toilet, but it is very suitable to complain to your best friend. Maybe you can form an afternoon tea and complaints, which may get more emotional support.
Another example is the purpose of complaining is to let your boss understand his predicament better and thus get some work support. So in the content of complaints, we must minimize the catharsis involving emotions, and focus more on the description of objective facts. And complaining only one thing at a time, so that those who listen will be able to better distinguish what your purpose is.
In addition, I believe that many couples have had the experience of complaining about each other, but if the complaints spread out from the moment, they will become a suffocating old accounts. Then this complaint is likely to be ineffective, and even strong emotional outbursts and endless quarrels.
This reminds me of a couple in " thirty only " Zhong Xiaoqin and Chen Yu . In the early stage, both of them had a lot of dissatisfaction with each other, but they both endured and did not say it. Finally, they broke out violently and ended with divorce. However, after reuniting, the communication pattern between the two people changed a lot.
For example, after Zhong Xiaoqin's novel copyright was bought, he suddenly had a lot of money and started to spend money without planning. Chen Yu saw it and was also worried, but his way of "complainting" was very similar to the recipe of the sandwich we mentioned today.
First, he started with a doting "wife", two simple words, but acted as the bread at the top of the sandwich, emphasizing the close and equal relationship between each other. "Complaint" is out of concern, rather than accusing opposition or condescending preaching, so that the other party does not have this psychological defense.
Then he used the facts to tell Zhong Xiaoqin that he had spent a lot of money in the past few days, and that this was the layer of "meat" in the sandwich. The key point here is that Chen Yu has been saying "We are not that rich", rather than "You are not that rich". This invisibly puts oneself and the other side on the same side, not on the opposite sides. This is to use the listening words to present the layer of "meat", and to calculate the cost of the items purchased and the actual income of copyright fees, objectively expressing to Zhong Xiaoqin that you cannot spend money like this.
The last layer of digestive bread said in a doting tone: "Think about it yourself", and did not say toughly: "You can't do this", but gave the right to choose to the other party. This is actually a relatively successful complaint, and his purpose is to let Zhong Xiaoqin carefully reflect on his way of spending money, and to achieve this goal in such a friendly conversation.
The two points I want to share today are probably like this. Finally, I hope everyone can master effective complaining and let their emotions be properly vented and given back. See you next time.
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