The book "Why does family hurt people" read: "The key reason why it is difficult to understand the relatives is that we are accustomed to speculating, guessing, evaluating and even criticizing another person based on our own coordinate system. But we completely forgot that the other party also has a phenomenon field, a coordinate system completely different from ourselves."
In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the reason why mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is difficult to get along well is because we do not know how to think from the perspective of others.
The daughter-in-law hopes that the mother-in-law is good to her, respect the mistress in the family, delegate power in time, so that the couple can live a two-person world, but forgets that the mother-in-law also needs time to accept your arrival, to accept the fact that the mistress in the family has changed, and to accept the fact that there is a woman in her son who has been raising for more than 20 years.
Mother-in-law hopes that her daughter-in-law will be filial to herself, respect and be polite to herself, and she will be like a younger generation, and treat herself like a mother. However, you cannot treat your daughter-in-law like you treat your daughter-in-law, and even always bully your daughter-in-law because you are an elder and a man-in-law, causing trouble for your daughter-in-law. How can your daughter-in-law be filial to you?
The daughter-in-law hopes that when she is the most difficult time, she is the mother-in-law who helps her, serves her during confinement and helps her take care of her children, so that she will not be so embarrassed. However, just as you have no obligation to respect her mother-in-law, she has no obligation to help you. If you ask your mother-in-law with a righteous attitude, or even threaten your retirement at any time, how could you bear it as an elder?
Similarly, I don’t help anything and stand by when my daughter-in-law is in the most difficult time. I am old and sick, but I am confident in ordering my daughter-in-law to be filial to my mother-in-law, which is also making things boring.
host Meng Fei In the program, he also said: Two points should be maintained when handling the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law well. The first point is that those who are elders should know how to keep a distance; the second point is that those who are younger generations should always be polite.
Friendship requires interaction, and the same is true for the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Whether it is a mother-in-law or a daughter-in-law, when the other party expresses kindness and treats you sincerely, you must know how to interact and cherish. Otherwise, no matter how good the mother-in-law or daughter-in-law is, you who don’t know how to cherish and be grateful will be angered.
"Mom, I'm sorry, I was wrong, I shouldn't ignore your feelings. Today is your birthday. This is the down jacket I bought for you. Please accept it."
Looking at the down jacket in my arms, Aunt Du felt very surprised and moved, and she was not as good as her face. She quickly took over the grandson in her daughter-in-law's hand and asked her son and daughter-in-law to go into the house to talk.
01. The man left, and I grew up alone with my son. I had long been used to the life with my son as the focus;
Aunt Du is a single mother, which also caused her to have a certain dependence on her son.
"When my son was seven years old, my husband had an accident on the construction site. When our mother and son arrived, his body was cold. He didn't open his eyes again. My parents-in-law only had a son, and the white-haired man sent a black-haired man. He couldn't stand the blow and disappeared within two years. After that, I could only take my son alone."
How hard it is to be a single mother? Only those who have done it know. Aunt Du is both a father and a mother. She has to take care of her son and make money to solve her livelihood, and to support her son in school. She has raised her son with great difficulty.
Fortunately, Aunt Du has been so hard that she has been happy. Her son has grown up healthily and was admitted to a good university. After graduation, she has a job with good income and benefits. Three years ago, she successfully started a family and started a business.
"Watching my son grow up day by day, I feel very relieved, I feel that I have relied on for the rest of my life, I am worthy of my husband and in-laws, and I feel very lonely. After all, I am used to life with my son as the focus."
However, since his son was in college, Aunt Du felt lonely. He woke up at five or six o'clock every morning, subconsciously got up to prepare breakfast for his son, and called his son to go to school. After knocking on the door for a long time, no one responded. Aunt Du realized that his son no longer needed her care.
"He is very independent, has strong self-care ability, can clean, organize things, and cook simple meals. These are all my requests. I am not worried that my wife will dislike him in the future, but I know that he will leave me sooner or later and live independently. I am afraid that I will not be by his side and he will not be able to take good care of himself. "
02. I didn't want to live with me, so I endured it. I asked me to take care of my child, but I didn't want me to live with her under the same roof. I also endured it;
Three years ago, when my son brought his girlfriend back to see her, Aunt Du's emotions were also complicated.
Seeing his daughter-in-law who looked very quiet and well-educated, Aunt Du liked it and thought that her son had a good vision, but when she thought that her son was going to get married, she had a daughter-in-law around her, she didn't need her anymore, Aunt Du also felt very lonely.
Especially when the daughter-in-law suggested that she didn't want to live with her mother-in-law under the same roof. At that time, Aunt Du felt very uncomfortable and even unacceptable. She also had a different view of her daughter-in-law, thinking that she seemed to be a girl who was unfilial and did not know how to respect her elders.
"The neighbor was unhappy when she saw me, and advised me to be more open-minded and to give myself an example. She had lived with her son and daughter-in-law for two years, and quarreled with her daughter-in-law every day. The daughter-in-law thought she was nagging and had double standards, and only felt sorry for her son, and treated her daughter-in-law as a free nanny, despised her strong, and liked to point fingers at their private lives. She felt that her daughter-in-law was ignorant, lazy, and spent money. The two quarreled and almost destroyed her son's marriage. She didn't want to lose her grandson, so she had to leave. Now, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is much better. She is polite to her daughter-in-law. Her daughter-in-law is very respectful to her and feels much more comfortable. "
So, after getting married for her son and daughter-in-law, Aunt Du consciously returned to her hometown. Her son and daughter-in-law would come back to see her when they had time. Her relationship with her daughter-in-law was quite harmonious.
However, what made Aunt Du feel unhappy was that a year ago, her daughter-in-law gave birth to a child and called her to take care of the child. Aunt Du agreed very happily and rushed over in great enthusiasm, but found that her daughter-in-law actually rented a house for herself on the 3rd floor of the same building and unit, and did not allow herself to live at home.
"You can't even take care of your child, you have to run up and down, is it reasonable? My son told me that his wife is used to being free and free, not to mention me, and even her own mother is not happy to nag. If we live under the same roof, we will inevitably quarrel. At that time, we will be either human or him inside or outside. I hope I can understand. "
03. For the sake of my son, I will help you for a few more years. I just hope that you will take care of my feelings;
"I don't want to live with me, so I tolerate it, and I asked me to take care of my child, but I don't want me to live under the same roof with her. I also tolerate it, but I can't tolerate them treating me as a tool person, not an elder. "
It turns out that the reason why Aunt Du left was heartbroken because a move by her son and daughter-in-law some time ago made her feel extremely disappointed and felt that she had no status as an elder.
During National Day, due to the epidemic, she was worried that it would be risky to take the baby back. Therefore, the daughter-in-law did not return to her parents' home. The daughter-in-law's parents missed her daughter and grandson, so they came to visit her daughter's son-in-law and grandson, and stayed at her daughter's house for a few days. On the morning of
html On the 32nd, Aunt Du woke up and planned to send her grandson to her son's house and give it to the couple to take care of her and cultivate a relationship with the child. Unexpectedly, after opening the door, she found that there was no one in the family.
"At first, I thought they were out to play, but when I was browsing my circle of friends, I found that they had gone to the next city for a trip. After asking, I found out that her father was a history teacher and was most interested in historical relics. She took her parents out to see her. Why didn't she say to me? Forgot? I was afraid that I would make a fuss and I felt that I was having a lot of fun! Forgot me? The child also forgot? The couple accompanied me on a trip with their in-laws, and kept me at home to see the children. They greeted me without saying a word. It was simply outrageous."
Aunt Du was so angry that when her son and daughter-in-law came back, she sent her grandson over. She didn't want the gifts brought back by her daughter-in-law, and packed up and went back to her hometown.
"Now, they came to apologize to me again, bought a gift for my birthday, invited me back, and let me live at home. I know that no one can take care of my children, hey, forget it, I'm too lazy to bother with them, give each other a step! I will work hard for a few more years, and when my grandson goes to school, I will leave, and I will do my best to be an elder."
04. Those who are daughter-in-law should know how to be fickle.
Once saw a sentence in a book: "Marriage is the union of two families. Some contradictions are not only caused by living together, but there must be no contradictions if you don't live together. The most important thing between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is to correct your role."
Those who are daughter-in-law should know how to be fickle. If you meet a bad mother-in-law, you will tolerate it. She will make things difficult for you and make things difficult for you without respecting you at all. Don’t be polite and don’t be a soft persimmon that can be controlled by others, so that she won’t think you are easy to bully, and it will be even more excessive.
If the mother-in-law is not bad, she will be very polite to you. As a junior, you must have basic politeness. When she helps you, you should interact in time and give conscience feedback instead of accepting it for granted, so that your mother-in-law can feel that you are ignorant.
You don’t owe your mother-in-law, there is no need to be angry with her, but don’t forget that she doesn’t owe you either.
END.
Today’s topic: Do you have any good suggestions for Aunt Du? Welcome to share your views in the comment section.
