"Bear, do you think love is complicated? Do you need to consider so much when you are in a relationship?" A female friend in the backstage said that she recently met a boy who was super chatting, and she especially wanted to play a straight ball and confess to the other party and then be together because she felt it was not easy for her to meet someone she was moved.
But the problem is that they have only known each other for less than two weeks...
She told her best friend about this and was strongly opposed by her best friend:
"I'm not saying how that boy is. But you are so in love. Did you forget what you cried last time? Don't fall in love anymore. OK, I'm the one who caught you every time!"
Tsk, it was obviously a message about love troubles, but why was the bear moved by the sister's feelings?
From the words of my best friend, we can see the mutual distress and desire to protect each other.
But Xiong thought, perhaps it is precisely because of "heartache" and "want to protect", that we have become less objective in our view of the problem~
So, about these things between men and women, Xiong invited another one for everyone today, perhaps a more objective "best friend". (Listen to both my best friends)
She is the book Xiong wants to share with you today, the author of "Love Awakening Map": Li Xinpin.
Li Xinpin is known as the "copywriting queen" in the Chinese-speaking world. His copywriting works are favored and sought after by many people in the advertising industry, and have been selected into the "Selected Works of Contemporary Women in Taiwan" many times.
But her relationship path was quite unhappy and she had a lot of sad and bloody history.
But it is these blood and tears that have given her a clearer understanding of love, so she wrote this book, hoping to help those who are confused in love.
Today, I will select 5 sentences from the book to share with you;
I hope everyone can get some different inspiration about love from it~
There is no "true emperor" and "true emperor" and
Only if you are in a "true life state".
As Teacher Li said, many people always hope that there will be a right true emperor or true god at one time, and then the two can love each other, live and practice until old age.
But if you really love, you will find that every person who comes to us, whether perfect or not, will lead us forward through one obstacle after another:
For example, you like the other person's considerate, but you are afraid that the other person will be considerate to everyone;
For example, you think the other person is talented, but you are afraid that the other person will attract too many opposite sexes and have no sense of security...
So, Teacher Li said that there is actually no "true destiny emperor" and "true destiny goddess", only if you are in a "true destiny state", that is, "going with yourself".
In the book, she quoted a passage from an Indian master:
"The flow of love does not need perfection and growth. Love has nothing to do with another person. A person full of love just loves, just like a living person who can breathe, eat, drink water, and sleep. Will you say 'Unless the pure air is perfect, I won't breathe'."
Therefore, she also persuaded us not to wait until "perfect" to love, because in "love", everything is instinct and everything is unconditional trust.
You must face every relationship bravely, and don’t use the “perfect” standards and wait for a “perfect” person.
Furthermore, there is actually no so-called perfect lover. Everyone who comes to us must have the traits we like;
to accept and enjoy these traits, and learn to be tolerant and accept those parts that you don’t like. The growth and transformation of two people together is the true meaning of love~
There is no concept of taking losses or taking advantage of them in "love".
Bear thinks, the reason why people suffer from love is because we always have various expectations for the people we like.
Looking forward to the other party doing something romantic, looking forward to the other party being able to catch their emotions at all times, and looking forward to the other party being able to say clearly "I like you"...
But often, the bigger the expectation, the deeper the gap will be.
So, there is what Teacher Li described in the book:
"There is a beginning to force between this barrier, causing disputes, causing defense, attempts to persuade, and breed suspicion...
All kinds of interpersonal emotional dramas are filled in this gap, and this gap becomes a trench of war, pushing each other further."
In Teacher Li's view, there is no concept of taking losses and taking advantage of "love", nor is there any concept of exploitation and being used.
In the book, she gave an example of a scene:
"If you have seen a mother breastfeeding a child, you will see a beautiful and satisfying look on the mother's face, and so will the baby.
You can't use your mind to calculate, who suffers or takes advantage of it in this process, who will suffer losses or take advantage of it, who will do this? Who are you using, because both of you enjoy great joy in the process, this is the essence of "love". "
So, compared to calculating the gains and losses in love, it is better to calculate how much joy you have in your relationship~
Otherwise, when we measure whether we are at a loss or taking advantage of this love, when we are evaluating who is giving more with the other party, only injuries and internal friction are waiting for us.
Love is a haha mirror, making friends unable to recognize us,
but it allows us to see our true face.
After many people fall in love, they seem to have become different:
From being very confident and beautiful, they instantly become anxious about gains and losses, relying on the other party's preferences, as long as the other party praises themselves, they feel happy and beautiful.
If the other party dislikes him to be fat, ugly or stupid, the whole person is like a rapidly withering flower, and he will never be able to help him back his original self-confident beauty.
"Love is a cruel inner mirror, it has nothing to do with what kind of person you meet."
In this regard, Teacher Li said that love is like a haha mirror, distorting our appearance, but this also shows how we look at ourselves: we identify with ourselves in the eyes of others.
In other words, as long as we agree with how the other person looks at ourselves, our inner self is how we look at ourselves.
But this unusual "distortion" is the disease we show in this relationship.
To avoid these distortions, Teacher Li suggested:
You can arrange a friend around you who dares to tell the truth.
From the perspective of friends, we observe what kind of self we become in front of love.
If it is healthy love, you should be free.
can get along naturally in relationships, can be unpretentious, and can be yourself with confidence.
In short, no matter whether there is love or not, it is impossible to pull out the foundation of our life, and it is even more impossible to shake our confidence, freedom and ourselves.
We all turn our attention to the unknown eternity,
but forget that every minute and second in the present is the real key.
"If you don't work hard now, how can we buy a house in the future!"
"You didn't put me in your future planning at all, did you?"
"If you want to raise children in the future, can you buy less packages?"
...
Many couples like to quarrel over things that haven't happened in the future.
Regarding this, Teacher Li views the issue of couples this way:
"Many couples always quarrel for the future, and quarrel every minute and every second in the present. That's because they think that the two are together for no time, but they are exhausted by the two's impatient emotions.
When they put their burden on the future If you put your worries into your current relationship, you will no longer be pure now, and you will be destroyed by the impurities that are nothing but lethal."
So she suggested that we should also know how to "live in the present" in our relationship;
Because, there is no way to "make a story" only in the present.
Bear also hopes that everyone will cherish every minute and every second they can be together, and don’t worry about the future that does not exist yet;
Anyway, what really makes us recall with a smile is the little things we get along with each other~
The difference is not a reason to separate,
is a bow that expands our tolerance and flexibility of life.
Many couples have reasons for breaking up: "The concepts are not consistent, and the differences between values and living habits are too big."
Teacher Li believes that this reason is very far-fetched. She asked back:
"Love is the inexplicable attraction between two people. Who said that two people must have the same concepts, values and living habits?"
In her opinion, the difference and distance between the two have never been a problem. The problem is how we regard the difference as a practice in love.
"Optimistic people invent planes, pessimistic people invent parachute ."
Bear feels that everyone looks lively and cute because of their different personalities and thoughts;
The truth is the same in love. Some people appear to fill the part they lack~
said a lot, but in summary, it is just one sentence:
0 "Prespect yourself as the most important thing, and then enjoy love."
You should look at love optimistically, believe in its beauty, and believe that you deserve this beauty;
But you also need to keep a basic sober and always leave a world for yourself~
Everyone, good night
Today's interactive topic:
How long do you think two people can be together?
Talk about your opinions or experiences in the message area~
