Previous article "Can 
replace people solve the problem?
When facing the loss of freshness, if one of the people cannot overcome the desire for love or sex and wants to rekindle the passion, he may want to find another person to satisfy himself.
But in fact, as long as the pattern remains unchanged and the kernel remains unchanged, even if it is a different person, it will only repeat the same plot as him.
For example, it just flirts in the same way, the same back and forth scenes, and the same weekends to go shopping and movies. They are all just lingering on the surface without really entering the other person's heart. Similarly, after getting along for a long time, they feel negative and boring... In short, seems to be just circulating in a known world, so how can it be "new"?
Replacement is actually not the only solution to evoke "newness". As long as we feel numb, lack of growth, and do not really open our hearts to communicate with each other, we will still feel bored one day and turn to seek different stimulation. In this cycle, our hearts are still empty and lonely.
In addition, in order to resist boredom, some people will use open relationships, swapping partners and other methods to increase their interest. This seems to be better than directly substituting people or cheating, but such behavior is actually just an escape, because many people just want to use more relationships to cover up the real difficulties in a relationship.
There is a very exciting saying on the Internet for such couple activities:
"This is a question about one's own beliefs. If you think that long-term marriage will only become family affection, then this marriage will naturally be like a pool of stagnant water. Couple activities can indeed bring stimulation, but such stimulation is like throwing a small stone into stagnant water, which will only cause some ripples, and after calming, it will become stagnant water."
"Then now the question is: your ability can only keep looking for small stones to throw them in and ripples, or your ability can turn stagnant water into living water?"
Yes, instead of constantly looking for external stimulation to make the silent emotions ripples, is it better not to rely on your own abilities to make the silent emotions resurrect?
So to put it bluntly, if can only find freshness by replacing people, it is because of the lack of ability to manage intimate relationships . No matter how "open" it is, it will cure the symptoms but not the root cause.
The true open relationship is not to seek satisfaction of needs from more people, to "sleep more people", or to stimulate, but to open yourself, accept others, and explore a new world. This is not a request for love, but a process of sharing love. And this process itself is not easy, because it requires strong self-awareness and communication skills. How to better keep the relationship "fresh"? How to maintain the freshness of the relationship? This is a very popular question, and there are a lot of information on the Internet. Common methods include these: These methods and techniques do have some effect. But I think there is another very important thing, that is, makes yourself a "existential" person. What is "existence type"? First of all, when analyzing why it loses its freshness, it was mentioned that many of today's love are in the " possessive " mode.These two modes are mentioned in Fromm's "Occupy or Existence". It says that under the possessive model, people think that love is possession, and the other party is like their own property. So after establishing a relationship with each other, it is the end of the relationship with care. and the " existential " mode is the opposite. is not obsessed with what it possesses, but focuses on the current experience. Its basic feature is proactive - this does not mean external busyness, but internal initiative. It means to use your own talents and talents, constantly renew and grow, and to give them all interest and enthusiasm. In love, people who are oriented towards existence will focus on the current feeling, feel every moment of being with the other person, and actively care, give and inspire the other person. For her, love is not possession and control, but rather gives life and adds vitality. It is the process of self-renewal, self-reinforcement and self-creation.
To achieve this model, we must first enrich our inner self, for example, through reading, meditation, and cultivating some positive hobbies, such as painting, gardening, and dancing, so that we can have a rich spiritual world, and also make our awareness keen and live completely in the present.
When oneself is rich enough, love and all other relationships will become a process of sharing, creation and empowerment. Such relationships will always be alive, and it is better to have relationships with a thousand people numbly in the heart.
Today's interactive
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