"The Book of Changes" says: "Those with the same voice respond to each other, and those with the same spirit seek each other."
The Analects of Confucius says: "If you have different ways, you will not seek to conspire with each other, and if you have different wills, you will not be friends."
Writer Feng Tang said: "A lifetime In addition to doing what you like, the most important thing is to stay with people you love and love. "
When dealing with people, three views are the most important thing! Three outlooks are what we often call outlook on life, values, and world view.
If the three views are consistent, then they understand and respect each other, speak without hesitation, and get along with each other freely, and both parties have the same ideals and directions;
If the three views are not consistent, then the thoughts are not at the same level, and they are not at the same frequency, and talking is like playing the piano to a cow. Chatting is like chatting between chickens and ducks. If you are not willing to compromise for the other party, you will only become more tired as time goes by.
For the rest of your life, you should be with people who have the same three views and spend every day comfortably and happily.
1. What is the unity of three views?
"Book of Changes·Xici": "Likes gather together, things are divided into groups, and good and bad things arise."
We live in this world, and we will be infected by the surrounding environment unknowingly.
Three views determine the kind of people we interact with, what kind of things we pay attention to, and what kind of ideas and ethics we agree with. Therefore, there is a saying that "birds of a feather flock together and people flock together".
We have all heard the story of "Meng's mother moved three times".
In ancient times, Mencius' mother chose to live next to her. In order to grow up, Meng Ke moved three times, and finally settled next to a school. This made Meng Ke become interested in poetry, calligraphy and etiquette from an early age, which eventually became his inheritance. Confucius A generation of Confucian masters in the mantle of Confucius.
If Meng's mother had placed her home near the market, perhaps Mencius would have learned how to do business; if she had placed her home near a temple, perhaps Mencius would have learned the etiquette of worship.
The environment is like a huge dye vat. When white cloth is put in for a long time, it will become the color of the dye vat. In the same way, people with similar temperaments will naturally get along well with each other, and people with similar interests will naturally gather together.
If the three views are inconsistent, it will be difficult to get along harmoniously. As the saying goes, "if you don't talk about it, half a sentence will be enough." But if the three views are consistent and the hearts are connected, you will be able to communicate with each other in a simple and profound way, and become close friends who talk about everything.
It’s not about having many friends, but whether we can share the same goals and understand each other.
Being with people who have different views is a kind of torture and suffering.
Of course, having the same views does not mean that there are no differences. Because three views are not black and white.
There are no two identical leaves in the world, and there are no two people with exactly the same views. Some disagreements are normal because of preferences and habits.
For example, you like a group of people to be lively, but he likes to be alone; you like simple meals, but he likes delicacies from mountains and seas;
This is not a disagreement between the three views.
But if he says that you are low if you eat food stalls, you have to learn to enjoy life. This is a disagreement between the three views.
Having the same views does not require everyone to have exactly the same views.
means that although you and I have different ideas, I can understand, respect, understand, and tolerate your differences.
A gentleman is harmonious but different, understands and respects each other's preferences, and remains consistent on the road, that is, the three views are consistent.
There is no need to be friends with people whose second and third views are different.
The Analects of Confucius says: "If you have different Tao, you should not seek each other's will; if you have different wills, you will not be friends."
As the saying goes: If the circles are different, there is no need to force integration. No need to go together.
Any long-term relationship must have a consistent frequency, otherwise it will only fall apart. When you interact with people who have different views, you will never be on the same frequency. Communication is like talking between chickens and ducks, which is really tiring.
People who have different views will eventually become separated.
Shantao and Ji Kang are both "Seven Sages of the Bamboo Forest". They have the same interests and are confidants who talk about everything.
When Shan Tao was about to be transferred, he recommended Ji Kang to take up his position. However, Ji Kang had been laissez-faire all his life and despised secular etiquette. Now his friends recommended him to be an official, so he wrote a famous letter in history " and Shan Juyuan's Broken Relationship Book ".
Full text Ji Kang wrote a lengthy letter to prove his feelings:
I admire Lao Zhuang, and my values are inconsistent with being an official; I like traveling in mountains and rivers, watching fish and birds, and other things, how can I have any interest in being an official? interest? I am unruly and unruly, disobedient to discipline, and like to sing the opposite tune. I am "unbearable" and I will definitely not be a good official; not to mention that my family needs me more, and I am in poor health... As my good friend, you can't understand me. Because of your ambitions, you cannot understand my situation deeply and understand that I am "unfit for official use", so I have no choice but to break off our relationship with you.
In this way, Ji Kang unilaterally announced the breakup with his friend.
are both "Seven Sages of the Bamboo Grove". They were originally close and admired each other, but in fact they are very different in nature.
Ji Kang is talented, but arrogant, bohemian and cynical.
His words and deeds are different from ordinary people, and he is different from the other "Seven Sages of the Bamboo Grove". Ji Kang dared to directly refuse Sima's solicitation and appointment, and he also dared to refute government officials tit for tat. The best example is embarrassing Zhong Hui.
But Shantao is a gentleman.
He is an upright man, loves his wife and his friends; he is both romantic and obedient to reality.
Historical records indicate that Shantao was a native of Huai County, Hanoi (now Wuzhi County, Henan Province). Like Ji Kang and Ruan Ji, he lost his father when he was young. He loves Lao Zhuang by nature, often hiding his edge and possessing great abilities. As the oldest among the "Seven Sages of the Bamboo Forest", he began to take leisurely trips to the bamboo forest with everyone. In 249 AD, Sima Yi seized power in the "Gaoping Ling Incident". Because Zhang Chunhua (Mrs. Sima Yi) was Shan Tao's cousin, Shan Tao had to become an official. From then on, Shan Tao began his ups and downs in the officialdom for more than thirty years. During his tenure as an official, he appointed people on their merits and was selfless. Every elected official must accept the emperor's wishes and add his own opinions, which was sometimes called "Monkey's Announcement". Situ, one of the "Three Dukes" of Shantao's last official position, died of illness at the age of 78.
Shantao is sincere and frank, and can live in and out of the world, while Ji Kang is upright and unruly, indulgent and free. The two are destined to eventually take different paths.
Talent can make two people appreciate each other, but their three views can make them go their separate ways.
If people with different views are forced to be together, not only will the two parties not get better, but they may only bring harm to each other in the end.
Writer Su Cen said: "I would rather be alone than against my will; I would rather have regrets than give in."
has different views and will never be the same person.
If you meet someone with inconsistent views, you would rather be yourself quietly and stay away from ineffective social interactions, rather than consuming your own time and energy, or even compromising or abusing yourself.
3. The most comfortable relationship is when the three views are consistent.
Sanmao said: "In this city, I believe there must be someone who thinks about the same thing and has similar frequencies. He is lonely at the exit of a certain station. , arranged to meet me. "
In this life, people will meet many kinds of people.
There are some people who you meet once and never want to contact again; there are some people who you will never forget once you meet them among millions of people.
The rest of your life is short, and it is really important to be with people you are comfortable with.
When you are with someone who has the same three views, he can understand your happiness and sense your grievances. Even if you have differences, he can tolerate and support you. Only when the three views are consistent can we get along without getting tired.
The most comfortable way for people to get along is when two people are together, there is a natural and comfortable atmosphere, which can dispel the hostility in the heart and be the most relaxed and true self.
In this world, if you can meet people with the same three views, your life will suddenly feel like a hang-up. There will be less worry of being thrown cold water on you and more warmth of encouragement and companionship.
Yu Hua talked about his friend Mo Yan and said, Mo Yan and I live in the same dormitory. I know all his problems and he also knows mine, but we don't talk about it.
The combination of Sanmao and Jose is the result of each other's desire to go together with the other. Sanmao said that as long as Sanmao wants to do something, others find it incredible, only Jose takes it for granted.
The love between Zhou Enlai and Deng Yingchao is the most perfect example.
They united in a troubled world without roses or rings. They conveyed their turbulent and passionate love to each other through letters, fighting side by side with the same ideal.
They are the most tacit understanding of revolutionary comrades-in-arms, and even the closest lovers. Their love never wavers, they never give up, and they write a 50-year long-distance love story.
Zhou Enlai, one of the "Four Beauties" of the Republic of China, was a man of talent and grace, which amazed many people.
But his wife is plain-looking.
At that time, many people said that Deng Yingchao was not worthy of Zhou Enlai.
But Zhou Enlai and Deng Yingchao used their love to tell everyone:
The five senses can only decide whether to be together, and the happiest and longest-lasting love is the one with the same three views.
The bud of love between the two comes from their common belief in revolution.
At that time, Zhou Enlai had just returned from studying in Japan and served as the editor-in-chief of the "Tianjin Student Union Bulletin". Such a dazzling presence made Deng Yingchao notice this man like a orchid tree at a glance, and Zhou Enlai was also interested in being the first at the Tianjin Conference. The confident woman who spoke impassionedly and exuded youthful vigor left a deep impression on her.
The two participated in the revolutionary cause and were often in different places, but they never missed each other. The two corresponded frequently and wrote more than 250 letters in which they talked about revolution, faith, freedom and life.
For example, Zhou Enlai felt that Deng Yingchao's letter was too official and did not mention missing him. However, Deng Yingchao retorted that the Prime Minister had so many things to do that he had no time to think about himself. Zhou Enlai took advantage of the situation and confessed: "I am very busy, and I am too busy thinking about you."
What is even more enviable is their understanding and affection for each other.
In 1942, at the end of the letter written by Premier Zhou Enlai to Deng Yingchao, there was a sentence, "I hope you will cherish it and kiss you thousands of times." Deng Yingchao replied with full worry and concern for her husband: "Love is long and paper is short. I’ll kiss you thousands more.”
In the era of raging fireworks, they relied on their trust and understanding of each other to integrate their silent love into their letters and accompany each other through the most difficult times.
Every letter is a collision of thoughts and a resonance of souls.
In a postcard printed with portraits of the revolutionaries Liebknecht and Rosa Luxemburg , Zhou Enlai wrote:
"I hope that in the future, like them, we will go to the guillotine together."
Meaning Although we cannot live together, we hope to die together. It can be seen how deep the relationship between the two is.
At work, the two encourage each other and make progress together.
In life, the two talk to each other and accompany each other.
Because of understanding, the soul has taken refuge.
Therefore, the most important thing for getting along with others is to have the same three views.
The three views are consistent, which is the preservative of feelings. Emotions with consistent views can not only nourish each other, but also promote each other's growth and development.
The feeling of being comfortable together is like the harmonious harmony of the piano and the harp, a perfect match.
And the relationship that has inconsistent views can only end in separation.
Jin Yanxi and Leng Qingqiu in "Jin Fen Family". A young man from a wealthy family fell in love with a free and independent beautiful woman at first sight, and launched a vigorous pursuit, grand romance and pampering. However, no matter how passionate the love is, breaking up will be painful.
When I watched this drama when I was young, I was full of regrets. After watching it again, I will understand that the ending is already doomed.
In the dreamy sunflowers, Leng Qingqiu said that she wanted to go to college in the future, but Jin Yanxi said: What is the use of girls reading so many books? After marriage, Qingqiu persuaded Yanxi to study abroad, but Yanxi stayed out all night playing, She is extravagant; Qingqiu insists on having a job and doesn't want to be a rich lady who can only open her mouth and stretch out her hands for food, but Yanxi will never grow up and has always relied on her family to survive...
It seems that they just have different opinions, but in fact Internally, there are differences in outlook on life and values.
Leng Qingqiu wants to be independent, have dreams, and pursue pursuits; while Yanxi is a beautiful woman with a lot of bad luck on the outside, and she always wants to be a young master.
The difference in cognition between the two people eventually led to no common language, and the ending was naturally difficult to achieve as expected.
Just like Qian Zhongshu's feelings for Yang Jiang:
"Before I met her, I never thought about getting married; I have been married to her for decades and have never regretted marrying her."
In the final analysis, there are only three Only when they have the same outlook can their souls communicate with each other, only then can sparks collide in their thoughts, and only then can two people walk on the same path.
A true soul mate is an existence that transcends the body and comforts and supports each other with spirit.
Being able to accompany such a person who has the same soul as ourselves is our lifelong pursuit.
For the rest of your life, I hope you will meet such a person in this world, who will have the same three views with each other, never leave, welcome the morning sun and dusk together, and go through this long road of life together.
