This National Day holiday, L returned to his hometown with his boyfriend who had been in love for four years.
After the divorce, my sister moved to her parents' house to live together. Although there were still free rooms at home, L still insisted on booking a hotel outside. My boyfriend was a little confused, so he didn't say anything when he saw L insisting.
The family prepared a table of meals. At the dinner table, the harmonious atmosphere did not last for half an hour. L's parents started arguing for some reason.
sister got up to persuade her, and L sat there coldly. She didn't even have time to tell them: their youngest daughter will get married next year.
L told her boyfriend: "This is why I insist on living outside, because this place has never looked like a home."
L grew up in the quarrels. When my grandmother was alive, there were three people quarreling, and after my grandmother passed away, it was her parents quarreling.
Daddy has a bad temper and always slams the door and leaves. My mother is cowardly and cares about her. She always says harsh words, but she has to look at her father's expression.
"Divorce" is the main theme of parents' quarrels. Later, L thought to himself: Is it good to divorce parents?
As adult, L has been trying hard to stay away from his family. When he was in college, he tried his best to find things to do so to avoid going home during the holidays.
She chose to work and settle down in another place. She said that her family is like a black hole. As long as you get close, it will absorb all the happiness she had accumulated after finally accumulating.
She and her sister grew up in such an environment, and both had natural fears about marriage.
My sister got married at the age of 36 and seemed to have fallen into the curse of her parents. She maintained her marriage for less than three years in the quarrel, and finally ended her divorce.
, L has always wanted to get married, and has made up his plan to be single until he met his boyfriend at the age of 30.
L said that when she went to her boyfriend's house for the first time after falling in love, she would think jealously: It turns out that other people's families can be so happy.
After four years of love, she mustered up all the courage to agree to her boyfriend's proposal and brought him to see her parents.
This National Day "reunion" ended in a bad mood.
L is becoming more and more afraid of the upcoming wedding: "Am I really okay? Will I get divorced? Will we be disgusted with each other soon?"
Marriage of parents is the first love and marriage textbook in our lives.
Parents have a happy marriage, we will know how to love someone and how to love a family;
Parents have a unhappy marriage, what can we learn? Indifference, stay away, or escape?
My friend Gao Gao has been married for more than ten years and has been working on dink .
I have seen her look with a child. She is patient and gentle. She wonders why she doesn’t like children. She said: It’s not that she doesn’t like it, it’s just that she is afraid, she is afraid that she will never be a competent mother.
Her parents are always busy, either going to work or quarreling, and turning a blind eye to the fights and quarrels between the children.
When Gao Gao first understood the meaning of "divorce", she couldn't help but wonder, why didn't her parents get divorced?
Only that time, my parents smiled at her the happiest. It was the first time she got the full marks test paper. She seemed to find a life-saving straw, studied hard, and got one first place after another, and the certificates were pasted on the wall.
She became "other people's children", and her grades also became a barometer of the relationship between parents. If her grades are good, her parents will be in a good mood and will not quarrel; once her grades drop, her parents will criticize her and then blame each other.
Because she was afraid of her parents quarrel, she could only study hard, and even went to the exam with a high fever and vomited in the exam room.
She got into college and studied for graduate school amid the quarrel between her parents, worked, fell in love, and got married.
She married very well, and her parents were in the limelight at that grand and decent wedding. At that moment, she finally became the pride of the whole family, but she just felt dazed, what was my marriage for? To make them happy?
She reached an agreement with her husband before marriage: don’t have children.
"Many people asked me why, but I can't explain it clearly," Gao Gao said.
Maybe she never got the kind of love from her parents that is truly pure, simple, and without additional conditions, so she couldn't imagine whether she could give her the love she wanted when she became a mother.
Parents planted a thorn through decades of marriage, but what hurts the children's life.
Some people say: The best love parents give their children is that they love each other.
Parental relationship will affect children's understanding of harmonious relationships and sense of security.
The generation of a sense of security depends on a harmonious and loving relationship. The harmonious relationship between husband and wife and the joys and sorrows are the best love for children.
Parents do not love each other, and the most hurt is the children.
Parents will put their negative emotions on their children, making them feel that it is their fault. Repairing the relationship between parents is their own responsibility, and no one will love themselves unconditionally.
Many times, we will say to our parents: You love each other well is the greatest blessing for your children.
If you want a child to be full of kindness and warmth, then first give him an environment full of kindness and warmth.
Children are the mapping of parents. The way children handle emotional relationships often comes from the emotional patterns between parents, and even their behavioral habits, personality, and views are all marked from their original family.
Wealth and status are things that can be blessed with education, but the best education often has nothing to do with them.
A pair of parents who love each other are the greatest source of children's sense of security. Parents' love for children is the best education for children, and parents' love for children is the first way paved for their lives.
84-year-old "old actor" Wu Yanshu is called "the most elegant old lady in China" by netizens because of her elegant and calm temperament. Her elegance is inseparable from her family.
Wu Yanshu was born in 1938 and was the only child in the family. In that era, only children were rare, and even fewer only children. If you give birth to a girl, you must have a boy.
But after she was born, her father said, "There are so many children who are suffering from mothers, don't give birth to too many." The father felt sorry for her mother and just let her give birth to one, don't be stressed. "It doesn't matter, we just need to have one."
Dad comes from a big family. He once went to Japan to study. When he gave birth to his daughter, he was a professor at Sun Yat-sen University , and his mother is also a college student.
Most of the parents of classmates prefer boys over girls, but Wu Yanshu's parents regard her as the pearl in their eyes. The deep feelings between parents and their support and love for their children have become Wu Yanshu's most precious wealth in her life.
What we "inherited" from our native family will affect us in various ways.
In a happy family where parents love each other, children grow up in the infiltration of love, and will understand that love is the core of the family and will have the awareness and motivation to pursue love.
Even if you encounter setbacks and difficulties in your future life, you will feel more purposeful and be able to work hard for the life you want.
Leo Tolstoy said in "Anna Karenina ": Happy families are all similar, and unfortunate families have their own misfortunes.
We have watched so many TV series and heard so many stories, and we will find that a perfect native family is a luxury, and not everyone can have it.
home is always a place with love and resentment.
The couple who have been with you for life, the children who grow up day by day, get along with and educate them is such a long and complicated process.
The unhappy marriage of parents is a very sad thing for every child.
Fortunately, we are no longer children now, and we are already able to do something for ourselves?
Then, accept what cannot be changed, change can be changed.
The affairs of parents are their own business. We have no way to change it, and there is no need to bear it. But can we decide how we live in the future?
Is it that living in the shadow of parents, keeping escaping, blaming, and complaining, or is it that you work hard to change, resolve trauma, change your pattern, and live your own life?
people's lives are composed of countless choices, and the one who makes the choice is an independent self.
Just as the psychologist Adler said: What determines a person is not the environment, but his own attitude and actions in viewing the environment.
native family will affect us, but it should not determine our lives.
Maybe what we have is not a perfect native family, but we can work hard to learn to let go of past trauma, learn to manage emotions, learn to manage intimate relationships, and give our children a loving home.
The world is changing, and we are also changing. What we can do is to strive to become better, rather than immerse ourselves in the unchanging past.
What is the biggest difference between the so-called happy people and painful people?
Happy people ask themselves what they have gained from the pain after experiencing pain? What abilities have been trained and what qualities have been honed, and how to use these experiences next! There are gifts to us behind every unhappy event.
When you are still complaining about the past, please remember:
You can only be responsible for your happiness. Even parents and lovers cannot be responsible for your happiness. As an independent person, we must first be responsible for ourselves and for our lifelong happiness.
