Regarding choosing a spouse, Professor Li Meijin said in "Round Table":
"When you want to judge whether a person is suitable for marriage, ask yourself, what kind of qualities do you want your child to inherit from the other party?"
Girls choose a spouse, from one of the perspectives, selecting a father for their children, and the other party's quality is very important.
Writer Su Qin also said: "Don't just be obsessed with love. Character is more important than this. Love is temporary, character is eternal."
In a long marriage, love will disappear, and character will not change easily.
So, what is the most important quality of a man worth entrusting?
Some people may think it is integrity, kindness, filial piety, and motivation... But I think the most precious quality of a man should be a sense of responsibility, especially in marriage.
As Tu Lei said:
"The most basic quality of a man is to bear. If you live with a man who is unwilling to bear, it is the greatest sorrow of a woman. You cannot enjoy the care of a man, and no one will share the pressure of life for you."
Many women always feel tired and tired in marriage, many times because the men around you are not mature enough and lack the sense of responsibility and responsibility they deserve.
A man who lacks responsibility and responsibility often doesn’t care about your feelings when encountering problems, he is unwilling to take the initiative to communicate with you, nor is he willing to face it with you and solve the problem together.
instead just escape blindly and even blame you in turn. Such men are obviously not suitable for getting married, so it is best not to marry.
01. Mother’s advice
net Ye Xi (pseudonym) finally saw clearly when the wedding was approaching that her boyfriend was really a person who lacked responsibility and was irresponsible.
The mother's advice to her was verified.
When Ye Xi first brought her boyfriend Qiu Jie (pseudonym) home, her parents were not very satisfied. They thought Qiu Jie was not mature enough and was not suitable for marriage.
Ye Xi was very depressed. Where did his parents tell that Qiu Jie was immature? She and Qiu Jie have known each other for 5 years, and have been dating for almost two years. They have been getting along very harmoniously.
Qiu Jie, like her, is both only children. The two have equal education and family conditions. They have little difference in lifestyles and consumption concepts. They can be said to be a match.
Moreover, Qiu Jie is relatively easy-going, and he is very caring and considerate about her... Ye Xi insists that Qiu Jie is a man worthy of entrusting.
Both parents were quite enlightened. Seeing that Ye Xi insisted on her own opinion, she no longer strongly opposed it and respected her choice.
However, my mother gave Ye Xi a piece of advice.
Mother said that marriage is more of a responsibility, and people without responsibility cannot manage a marriage well. My mother asked her to be more careful when she was in love and observe Qiu Jie's performance carefully. If it is not suitable, stop the loss in time.
Mother also said that marriage is not very friendly to women, and if you don’t choose the right person, your life after marriage will be very hard.
Ye Xi didn't think too much at that time. Without the obstruction of her parents, she and Qiu Jie developed rapidly and soon came to talk about marriage.
However, as the wedding approaches, the differences between the two sides are increasing.
02. I changed 4 jobs in a year
Ye Xi and Qiu Jie both worked in the city. She originally wanted to pay the down payment with Qiu Jie to buy a house in the city center, but Qiu Jie's parents were in the district and county where they were located, with a down payment of a house and registered in Qiu Jie's name alone.
Qiu Jie's parents think that if they ask the woman to pay for a house together to buy a house after getting married, they will be laughed at.
Ye Xi was a little unhappy at the time.
Qiu Jie explained that the house was funded by his parents, and he had no choice.In fact, Ye Xi didn't mind who the house was registered. She was angry that the wedding house was a big deal and she didn't ask for her opinion.
Although it is only a 30-minute drive from districts to districts and counties, it is inconvenient for her and Qiu Jie to get to and from get off work every day.
Qiu Jie disagreed. He is a major in software engineering, and it is easier to find a job. Qiu Jie had a good income before, but because he needed to work overtime frequently, he quit.
Then, Qiu Jie found several jobs in succession. Either the company's atmosphere is bad or the boss is too harsh; either the work is heavy and meaningless, or the salary is too low or the benefits are not enough.
In short, Qiu Jie changed 4 jobs a year, and never worked for a long time.
At that time, Qiu Jie had resigned again and was preparing to take the exam for the editor. After Qiu Jie passed the exam, he returned to work in the district and county where his parents were. It doesn’t matter if his salary was lower, but the most important thing was stability and ease.
03. Verified before the wedding
Qiu Jie asked Ye Xi to take the exam, and then return to work in the districts and counties together. At that time, there is no need to consider the inconvenience of going to and from get off work.
Ye Xi was speechless. She was very satisfied with her current job. Whether it was her salary or development prospects, it met her expectations. It was impossible for her to give up at will before she could even give up.
Moreover, Ye Xi believes that the competition is very fierce now, and the exam is not something that can be passed by exams...
What caused the conflict between the two to escalate was the issue of the cost of wedding house decoration. At that time, Qiu Jie's family gave him a bride gift of 80,000 yuan, and his parents gave Ye Xi a 100,000 yuan cash dowry.
Qiu Jie plans to ask Ye Xi to use the money to pay the final payment for the wedding decoration, because his parents are already very financially nervous to organize the marriage.
Ye Xi disagreed. Qiu Jie was preparing for the exam at the time and had no income. After getting married, he had to pay the mortgage and save money to prepare for having children in the future... The money should be kept for emergencies.
Qiu Jie said that the wedding house had just been renovated and it would be ventilated for a while. After marriage, you should live in your parents' home. You don't need to worry about your life. Your parents will also be responsible for the mortgage loan...
Ye Xi then remembered his mother's advice at that time.
Ye Xi complained: "Can you be more mature? From the moment you get married, you are no longer a sapling under your parents' wings. You have to take responsibility and be a big tree that can shelter the family from the wind and rain, rather than relying on your parents."
Qiu Jie did not reflect on himself, but instead accuses Ye Xi, saying that she regarded the bride price and dowry that originally belonged to the two of them as her own private money.
Perhaps the wedding is approaching, and there are many trivial matters, which makes Qiu Jie, who is originally a good-tempered, become impatient. Ye Xi couldn't control her emotions, and the two started arguing.
04. It is best not to marry a man who lacks responsibility
Then, Ye Xi's mother knew the whole story and couldn't sit still. She persuaded: "Daughter, you'd better not marry a man who changes 4 jobs a year."
The mother believes that people who change jobs frequently often have immature thoughts and lack responsibility.
First, eager for quick success and instant benefits, and unwilling to do things down-to-earth; second, high expectations and low skills, and cannot support ambitions; third, there is a problem with emotional intelligence and cannot get along well with colleagues; fourth, there is no long-term plan for the future.
Mother also said that if Qiu Jie was still young and changed jobs frequently, it wouldn't matter, just slowly find his position.
However, he is about to get married and doesn't want to stabilize. That means he is irresponsible to you and your new family.
Moreover, when you look at the reason for resigning, he always thinks it is someone else's fault and never reflects on whether it is his own problem.
In the future, he will also do this when there are conflicts. He always feels that it is your fault, and he is not at all wrong.Such a man is not only unresponsible, nor is he responsible...
The mother's words made Ye Xi fall into deep thought. She posted an online question: "Do you need to listen to your mother's advice and stop the loss in time?"
What kind of man is worth entrusting? Writer Zhang Xiaoxian says this:
"Don't just love a good person, don't just love an excellent man, don't just love a talented man, don't just love a man who loves you and loves you, please be sure to love a responsible man."
In marriage, the most important quality of a man is to be responsible and responsible.
Live with a responsible and responsible man. Even if your life is not that rich, your happiness index will not be low.
Do you think Ye Xi’s mother is right?
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