What should parents do when the child is scared?

Zhang Zifeng 's " my sister " starring the starring role continues to be broadcast.

In this movie, An Ran's brother drew a picture: a family of four holding hands, smiling happily, and the picture is bright. This painting is the brother's warm expectation for the family, and it is also the simplest desire of his young heart.

Later, the family broke up, and the various behaviors of the family made the younger brother full of fear. He started to tear up the picture representing the harmony and happiness of the family.

The fear in a child’s heart sometimes manifests and sometimes hides in his heart. And this "fear" hidden in the heart will have an undesirable effect on the child's growth, and even cause harm.

Italian psychologist and educator Evie Crotty and Psychotherapist Alberto Magni . They use simple words and rich illustrations to guide parents and educators to correctly understand fear emotions, "understand" their fears based on children's graffiti and drawings, and help children overcome fear.

This book is a very comprehensive introduction to the emotion of "fear".Different cases and practical solutions are also given. Let's share the three key points in the book.

01 When children say "I'm afraid", they are really afraid of

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when children are scared , Fear of blood, fear of thunderstorms, fear of doctors, fear of monsters, fear of witches... Adults often think that these children have nothing to fear, so they do not pay attention to them, thinking that this fear will disappear when the children grow up.

But, is this the case? Not all, some fears will slowly disappear over time; if some fears are not handled properly, they will affect the child's future life.

There was a little girl who was particularly afraid of thunder. As long as it rained and thundered, she always had to cover her ears. When there was lightning, she would close her eyes and close the door.

Parents don’t know why their daughter is so scared when it rains, and they don’t feel timid.

This situation has continued for several years,Until one day, the child told his parents why he was afraid of thunder. It turned out that the aunt who used to take care of her told her a very scary story on a thunderous night. From then on, as long as there was thunder and rain, she felt scared.

The parents of the child are fortunate that their daughter confided in this experience in time. Every child will have fears. As long as they have the opportunity to express them, these fears can be overcome as time goes by.

Fear has a long history like human beings. Its main function is self-protection. It can stimulate children to make some stress responses to protect themselves from potential dangers from the outside world.

Sudden noises, such as falling objects, the sound of electric drills, and deafening bells, may trigger the fear of infants and young children, causing their crying to burst out instantly, thus attracting parents' attention. This is their instinctive self-protection.

It can be said that emotions provide infants and children with a certain power to dominate adults. Therefore, their emotions are almost always "intentional" to verify whether adults care for themselves.

In the moments of being intimate with family members, children’s fears are easily expressed and are easily perceived by the family members. Be overcome.

The author wrote in the book: The meaning of fear is to be overcome.It is precisely because of overcoming fear that children can grow up and gain independence, which is beneficial to children's life.

02 When children do graffiti and paint, interpret their fear emotions

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We must try to capture those non-verbal signals that indirectly indicate that children are troubled. Such as bedwetting, scribbling, exaggerated reaction, listlessness or tendency to be alone, impulsive for no reason, strong or violent tendency...

Therefore, as parents and educators, we should learn to distinguish the growth of children Normal fear in the process, paying special attention to the reasons for fear when children cannot express themselves in words.

There are many children who like to scribble. In fact, they draw not only to pass the time, nor do they scribble randomly. The content of children's graffiti and paintings and the way they operate will convey a lot of information. They are the key to unlocking children's inner world.

What kind of lines are left on the paper, and how much effort should be used... These all require us to carefully observe.

If the painter's grip is relaxed, he shows a free and relaxed mood; when the painter is unable to express his fear through words, he will show it through a tense grip like muscle contraction .

If the lines in the picture are full of confidence, it indicates that the child is full of security; if the lines appear hesitant, we need to give the children comfort and encouragement, especially when they are facing trials.

If children's graffiti and painting movements are vigorous and vigorous, it indicates that they are energetic and enthusiastic; and if their movements are weak, gently press the pen tip on the paper. Such children are very sensitive and resistant to frustration. Their abilities are also relatively weak, and small things may hurt or overwhelm them.

It can be said that when children show more discomfort or fear, their graffiti and paintings will contain more information. For example, when drawing characters, an extremely depressed child not only draws the characters very small, but also uses light colors and never lacks black.

Children like graffiti and painting. Parents and educators can use this opportunity to understand the true needs and inner world of children. and,In order to provide them with an opportunity to express their fears, we must proactively put brushes, paper and paint in their hands.

03 When a child is fearful, Lewin’s "discipline" and empathy are magical

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9-year-old Alessandro was troubled by multiple fears, and he said, "These fears are thrown by my mother!

Another child was affected by an overweight mother and was afraid to eat at will. He was seriously troubled by eating worries.

German psychologist Kurt Lewin specializes in the study of family atmosphere and the relationship between personality development.

He formulated the following "commandments" for parents: give children a sense of security; let children feel that they are loved and needed; avoid threats, intimidation and punishment; stay calm,Don’t be angry with your child’s instinct; treat your child as tolerant as possible to avoid unnecessary conflict; avoid aggravating your child’s inferiority complex; don’t push your child too tight...

Obviously, Lewin’s These suggestions are applicable to different situations and can help parents find the right path and method to solve the problems encountered by their children in the process of growing up.

Faced with the various fears of children, empathy is also an effective way to help them release their tension.

There are things that seem insignificant to parents, but they are very important to children. Let the frightened children know that we can understand their troubles and their fears.

One day, Evie Crotty went for a swim in the sea. He saw 4-year-old Giulio when he first came into contact with the sea, he was particularly frightened. Giulio struggled hard to get out of the terrifying sea, but his father thought about how to make him a perfect swimmer, and ignored his feelings at all.

So, Evie Crotty walked up to the father and son, and said a simple sentence: "You swim so great, I can't float on the water until now!"

He always smiles when he talks to his children, which makes Giulio both excited and happy. Giulio quickly learned to swim, and most importantly, he no longer feared the water.

we said to the children,We also have the same fears, smile graciously, and speak comforting words, which gives them strength and can even help them solve their problems.

When children feel fear, we can use Lewin’s "emotions" to release their fear and empathy.

04 is written at the end

8 Unintentionally added to the child; some fears will slowly disappear with age, and some fears will leave a shadow on the child if they are not handled well.

This requires parents and educators to be patient and listen to their children attentively. When the child says "I am afraid", he is really afraid; when the child is graffiti and drawing, parents can understand the child's inner fear through observation and analysis; when the child is afraid, the parent must learn Lewin's "commandments" , Try to look at the problem from the perspective of the child, and help the child overcome fear through these effective methods.

Gorky said: "If people don’t have fear,It's all over! Everything is broken!

However, not everyone’s childhood fears can heal on their own.

Parents and educators may wish to follow the "Children’s Fear Psychology" to learn the practical methods in the book. To understand children well; modify their own educational methods, use correct methods to guide children; use enough love to help children overcome fear and timidity, so that children become confident, brave and happy.

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author｜ free, an educator; like children, focus on parenting writing; hope to write my heart by hand, and my heart expresses my feelings. _span11pspan _span11pspan _span11pspan Image | From the Internet, if there is any infringement, please inform and delete it.

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