Who has children in your family, have you encountered these situations:
●Children are good at elementary school, junior high school, but they have become rebellious king
●Hold a mobile phone to play games every day, When you say it, you think you are too annoyed
●Sensitivity, emotional , exploding if you say something wrong
●When you are young, you complain boring. mentality is negative and withdrawn
When you encounter this situation, parents will always say:
"I don't understand. I just hope to give the best for the child. He can study hard and live a good life in the future. Why can't the child understand me and be depressed?"
In fact, what parents don't know is that children's rebelliousness, depression and anxiety are not lazy and pretentious. Actually, I'm asking for help!
This is the truth that I only understood after 14 years of raising my child and getting the child's depression diagnosis.
01 My son is like a "powder barrel" that can explode at any time
Since entering junior high school, my son has become a different person, his temper has become stronger and stronger, and he doesn't listen to anything, just like a powder barrel, which explodes at a glance.
As soon as I got home from school, I held my phone and chatted with my classmates while playing games. When I called him to study and eat, I shouted at us: "Are you annoying? Don't worry about me, I know."
During that time, my son quarreled with me with his neck. became furious and smashed things like thunder when he was anxious. was crazy. The house was like a battlefield filled with smoke, and there was no longer the warmth of the past.
In school, I don’t study hard, and often go against the teacher: I talk in class, don’t listen, don’t complete my homework, and even play with my mobile phone in class...
The teacher often calls to complain, and every time I apologize to the teacher in a humble manner. Later, I had psychological problems. As soon as I received a call from my class teacher, I was so scared that I was trembling.
Starting from the second grade of junior high school, my son’s rebellious behavior has become even worse! doesn’t want to study at all, sleeps in class, and even secretly buys game equipment from home! The score of is even more messy, becoming the last in the class!
In the second semester of junior high school, the school asked us to apply for a leave of absence for my son. I begged to the teacher and the school, but I still couldn't change the ending.
When I got home, the child’s father smashed his son’s game machine. Since then, the son locked himself in the house and completely blocked himself. The child’s original words were, he didn’t want to see me, and he would not have to see me in the future.
Seeing that the originally happy family became like this, I was very anxious. I went for a check-up and talked about the changes in the child. Only then did I realize that my son was depressed!
Over the years, has seen too many children who chose to commit suicide because of depression . Unexpectedly, my son has also come to this point.
In that dark and painful time, I was in pain every day, and I was really helpless.
had to go online to find information. After comparisons from multiple sources, I found a teacher from the brand strong country preferred unit Xinyi Education Group.
I asked the teacher a long-confused question:
"Why is a good child in elementary school like a child in junior high school like a different person. Why is he so irritable? Why is he depressed?"
Teacher said that when a child shows external symptoms such as school aversion, rebellion, and dropout, the question has actually been discussed for a long time.
Children want to capture parents' attention through these "extreme" behaviors, and parents' head-on and incomprehension will make the children understand it as:
My parents don't like me - others don't like me - I don't like myself, which will aggravate the child's rebellion, school aversion, depression, and even cause a big disaster!
especially, at the age of 12-18, children will experience many turning points in their lives, such as:
Due to changes in emotional needs, they began to move from family relationships to social relationships;
from parents to peers;
due to sexual development, from children to adults;
At the same time, they also need to go through stressful events such as the middle school entrance examination and the college entrance examination
Once interpersonal frustration, self-esteem frustration, parents' incomprehension, exam pressure, etc., they will feel depressed and anxious.
02 I was so busy trying to save my child, just to save my child,
I felt scared when I thought of the news that went to extremes due to depression. What should I do to reverse all this and help my child get out of depression?
At this time, I still believe in the power of professionalism. With the intervention of the expert group, my child’s father and I adjusted our practice:
control our emotions, do not yell or scold, communicate with the child, learn to listen to
Start chatting with my son about hobbies, accept the current state of the child, cultivate common topics
Equal communication and dialogue, and increase common experience in life , climbing , play ball, watch the game ......
and imagine the future with the child, let the son find his own internal driving force , understand that learning is for himself
At the same time, I have formulated a detailed improvement plan for easy implementation:
Passed the status quo assessment (1-3 days) : Find the root cause of children's psychological behaviors that are averse to school and rebellious
Create with the help of the environment (3-5 days) : Make children willing to communicate and maintain emotional stability
Make good use of psychological distraction Guide (5-12 days) : Support children to be confident, self-disciplined, self-love, and self-improvement
formulate a growth plan (12-20 days) : Improve children's internal motivation for learning, no longer be disgusted with learning rebellious
Because it is a plan based on our family's situation, it is very targeted . Through 20 days of two-way guidance , we intervene in children and parents simultaneously. Now, children no longer resist communication with their parents, and have also learned to express their ideas frankly.
30 days later, the child offered to return to school. Seeing my hesitation, his son took the initiative to comfort me and said:
"Mom, I feel that I can no longer control my emotions like before, so don't worry!"
My son has no ideological burden and will participate in some competitions outside of study to make some new friends.
During the consultation process, the teacher said: Our group receives no less than 2,000 families who come to consult because their children are disgusted with school and rebellion every month.
Many of the children also have problems such as depression, anxiety or compulsion, and even have excessive behaviors such as physical disorders and self-harm.
In the process of children's learning and growth, some "difficulties" are not worth mentioning to adults, but for children who lack experience, any small difficulties may become the last straw.
Sometimes, parents even have an inadvertent look or a blurted word that will make another cut on the child’s scarred heart.
So, if you want to help your child get out of depression, parents must see through their children's "disguise" in time: behind the sentence "You are so annoying" of
, it is actually "to spend more time with me"; behind the "rebellious and irritable" of
, it is actually "save me".
In the process of rebuilding a relationship with my children, I also realized that 15-year-old children are not under less pressure than those of 50 years old.
In order to allow myself to get along with my children in harmony for a long time, I followed the teacher to learn the following three skills:
▶1. Learn to control emotions, do not yell or scream: Through "emotional pause method" , help us to be aware of and mediate our emotions, and learn to deal with educational issues calmly and wisely;
▶2. Learn to communicate effectively, so that children can understand and do it: uses positive expression and positive discipline, and cooperates with "Golden Communication Method" to let children feel the love of their parents, no longer rebellious, and willing to be obedient;
▶3. Inspire children's self-esteem and self-confidence: through "three four one affirmation method" and "microhabitual method" to help children improve their mobility and self-control.
As a person who has experienced it, I remind everyone that I want my children to get out of the trap of rebellious and hate learning, and let them become people with learning ability, independent living ability, good habits and personality . You must not miss this limited-time free consultation.
03 Aversion to learning and rebellion is actually a signal for children to ask for help
During the consultation process, the teacher often said: "Half-old boy, I'm angry to death" . This common saying reflects the lack of attention of parents on their children's psychological growth.
Teacher said that he had received a case of a child that took two years to help him get out of depression.
At that time, it was the mother who understood school disgust and rebellion as a trouble for children during adolescence. She did not pay attention to it and delayed the best time to guide her.
causes a concentrated outbreak of problems, causing "small rebellion" to become "big rebellion" and "pretending to be depressed" to become "really depressed".
A sentence that the child said was: "What's wrong with me just not wanting to study? At worst, I can be a beggar! Force me to die for you!"
When skipping class and running away from home became the norm, no matter whether the parents threatened, intimidated, or begged, the child still did his own way and did not go to school. He either locked himself in the room or played wildly outside.
In order to let the child learn, the couple took turns to fight, but what they got was the child's cursing and self-harming!
Use a utility knife to cut many holes in your arms and legs. looked at the wounds, deep and shallow, new injuries and old injuries, shocking.
Teacher said that when I first communicated with my mother, my mother said, "Sometimes I want to walk to the window and jump down together. I really feel that I am too failed."
This is also a reminder for us that parents should get out of the educational misunderstanding of "empiricalism, subjective judgment" to avoid head-on induced or aggravated the psychological problems of children's aversion to school and rebellion.
First we intervene in our parents to help parents re-know their children, let them know the true psychological demands behind their children's behavior, and be able to communicate effectively. Then intervene in the child simultaneously to help the child with psychological counseling and emotional release.
During the third consultation with the child, the child confided to the teacher: "Reading is for parents, and they will only pay attention to me when they have poor grades. My efforts are worthless in front of grades."
feels like they are living for their parents, and the meaning of life is that once they do not do well, they will bombard them with big principles. feels that they look at me, like looking at a ball of garbage. Now I get annoyed when I hear them talking."
Based on the information obtained and the expected results of both parties, I customized a set of family adjustment plans for them , and parents should try it for a week:
- Learn to "manage themselves" My emotions, conducts effective parent-child communication;
- finds the "emotional and stress buffer", helps children cope with external pressure, and their own pressure should not be transmitted to their children.
- makes good use of the "advantage discovery method", helps children find their internal motivation and stimulate the real sense of value. The combination of
is very targeted, and the parent-child relationship has been alleviated in just two weeks. After systematic, targeted and stable guidance, the child has never had self-harm again!
This experience of the child's depression made me think a lot. Why do we work hard for?
has a big factor in giving children a better life, right? For many families, children are above everything else, children are the hope of the family, and educating children is the most important thing in life , right?
If your answer is as yes as me, then from now on, do a good job of children "Sirens", never let students be rebellious when they are disgusted with learning. Depression and anxiety completely ruin the future of their children. Be sure to intervene in time!
