Depression, I really feel very close to myself, and I feel very far away
In fact, I give everyone the feeling that it is sunny and positive, at least I will not be depressed, I can see the light of hope, I will laugh when I meet everyone, and I will enlighten them when I chat with everyone, but is this really me myself
I don’t know that people who are depressed will put countless masks on themselves, and then they will talk to others when they see others, talk to ghosts, and don’t talk to others when they meet neither people nor ghosts. Or is it just that I am, bringing countless masks for myself, giving myself countless identities, and finding countless excuses for myself in order to convince myself that this is OK. This is a choice that I have no choice
But as a depressed patient, as a person with countless psychological problems, as a person who cannot reveal his feelings, we all hope to meet a confidant, meet a person who truly understands himself, meet a person who can remove my layers of mask, meet a person who can enter my heart, and take me out of this closed world, but can we really meet it?
However, there are so many people all over the world, billions of people across the country, even the entire city has millions, even a school has thousands and dozens of people in a class. The people we know are only those people. Everyone’s lives are different and their growth environment is also different. Why do you ask others to empathize with you? Why do you ask others to understand you from your perspective? Perhaps for him, it would be good to be able to chat with you. Don’t expect anything but nothing. In the end, in a word, it is “you are not worthy”
Then why do we refuse our relatives, friends, family and colleagues, our concern for us and our condolences? Why do we keep people from thousands of miles away? Is it just because "Do you think they don't understand you?" But after we refuse to leave them, what are we left? It is nothing but an "empty room", a room with nothing, a room that allows you to feel lonely and despair. What is the purpose of such an ending? Why can't you try to let go?
Yes, try to let go, try to give yourself "confidence", try to "get out", try everything, but who has given yourself the depressed self, who has given yourself the courage to try? Who can accompany me when I fail, who can act as my "beacon" when I am confused, and who can encourage me to support me when I am about to give up? There is no one anymore, you are nothing more, you are only yourself, you only have an empty "house", so it's not that I don't want to try, but that I have no failure or the courage to try
So, I will always tell myself a sentence "Dreams are dreams, reality is reality. I can accept daydreaming anytime, anywhere, and dazed at any time, and can accept you to discuss with others in a wild way, but I don't accept you giving up on reality, try, and try any attempt." Yes, this is my bottom line for myself. I always need to recognize reality. I always need to know how to survive and how to move on. No matter how much I like and love the rest, I will only let myself think about it. That's all
In fact, readers who see this, I don't know if you are a depressed patient like me, and I don't know if you are the same confusion and the same "bottom line" as me. But I still hope to let go, try, shake hands with "self" and say to "self": Thank you for your hard work, let's live in peace for the rest of your life
Finally, I hope there are no depressed people in the world, no unhappy people, no unhappy things, everyone can always smile every day, everything will be as good as they wish
