Children's adolescence is turbulent. The most common manifestation is that they are disgusted with learning. At the beginning, they may just be disgusted with learning emotions, and then they will be disgusted with learning behavior.
When a child develops school aversion, the most direct manifestation is not going to school, or directly letting parents take a leave of absence or even drop out of school.
At this time, the parents panicked, but their attitude was still firm: if you want to leave school, there is no way!
But, what follows is helplessness and powerlessness, because if adolescent children want to fight with their parents, they have too many ways. They can lock themselves in the room and not come out, can go on a hunger strike, or even threaten their lives.
What can parents do? They can't beat them, and dare not scold them, for fear of provoking their children.
Finally, he could only advise or compromise with earnestly. After these methods were ineffective, they might also seek psychological counseling.
This situation is happening among countless families.
Parents of adolescent children are helpless. They have no way to deal with their children, and their past parenting methods have completely failed.
It is precisely because of this that they began to come into contact with psychology and psychological counseling.
is like this, and a problem has been brought up, that is, why do children hate learning?
If they can't understand this problem, they will continue to try to change the child instead of understanding him. Then, the people in the whole family live in dire straits and anxiety every day.
In this article today, I will combine my work experience in psychological counseling to talk to you about why children are disgusted with learning.
Let’s first talk about the aversion to learning emotions and aversion to learning behaviors in the aversion to learning state.
The core emotion in the mood of aversion to learning is "disgust". This emotion can be used to describe: annoyance, anger, anger, hatred and other emotions, and the underlying emotions in these emotions are fear, and the emotions of fear will lead to an action, that is, resistance.
resistance can be either emotional or behavioral, and it expresses confrontation and rejection.
When resistance is expressed through behavior, it is a disgusting behavior. The explicit behavior is not going to school. The hidden state is a symptom of inattention and somatogenesis.
The hidden state will make the person involved not realize that he is disgusted with learning, but he just cannot concentrate on learning, and may even experience symptoms such as headache, dizziness, and accelerated heartbeat. However, there seems to be no problem with going for a physical examination.
So, why do children hate learning?
To sum up, there are three major reasons:
1, school reasons
In clinical consultation, I found that children are tired of learning, and sometimes what they hate is not necessarily the learning itself, but also the learning environment.
In the school environment, there are two most core factors: teacher-student relationship and classmates relationship. The two core factors of
have a huge impact on children. If the relationship between teachers and students is not well established, or the relationship with classmates is not well established, it will be difficult for children to survive in such an environment.
has a bad relationship with the teacher: being verbally violent by the teacher
In psychological counseling, there are many cases related to the teacher. Sometimes, when I hear teenagers describe how they are treated by teachers, to be honest, as an adult I’m creepy.
Language violence may deeply hurt the child's self-esteem inadvertently.
Teacher represents the authority in the child's mind. If the authoritative language is violent, the child will be like a heavy blow and collapse to the ground. This blow will be huge.
has a bad relationship with classmates: people who are not sociable or bullied by campus
are relationship animals, and the impact of relationships on people is crucial, especially peer/student relationships. If these relationships are missing, the child will be lonely or even feel helpless.
Therefore, a bad relationship with classmates is also an important factor that causes children to be disgusted with learning.
and have poor relationships with classmates, they are often manifested as being unsociable or becoming the target of campus bullying.
Whether it is a bad relationship with the teacher or a bad relationship with classmates, it will make the child feel that the school is an unsafe place, and even he will feel that his existence is under threat, which will make him want to stay away from the school.
In fact, children's disgust for learning not only happens during adolescence, but when children go to kindergarten, they already show some aversion to learning emotions or disgusted behaviors.
However, adolescent children can already fight against adults. They no longer rely entirely on parents or teachers, and they no longer choose to obey authority completely. At this time, his free will is developing, and it is precisely because of this that parents can do nothing: they can no longer treat their children like they do to a three-year-old child.
2, Family reasons
Family reasons make children hate school, which is also a very common phenomenon.
family reasons include two levels:
The relationship between parents and children is not harmonious;
There are problems with the relationship between parents.
The relationship between parents and their children is usually because one parent is anxious and controlled. When parents cannot digest their emotions, they will pass on these emotions to their children, trying to help them solve their anxiety and let their children listen to their parents.
Some parents will constantly remind their children: be sure to study hard. The feeling this brings to the child is that he feels not trusted and respected by his parents. When parents impose their will on their children, their interest and desire for learning will be erased.
Sometimes, children themselves encounter emotional troubles and want to seek parental support, but are ruthlessly rejected by parents. This will make the child's own difficulties worse, and the child will be in a state of internal and external troubles and will be unwilling to deal with learning.
When there is a problem with the relationship between parents, the child is also very worried. After all, the relationship between parents is the most direct living environment for the child.
The possible manifestations of relationship problems between parents are:
The parents have a long quarrel;
The parents are having a divorce;
One or both parents cheat.
Recently, a high school student sent me a private message and asked me, and he found that both of his parents cheated on me, how should he face it.
When I saw his message, my heart was in pain.
is hard to imagine. At such a moment, what should children do to focus on learning.
In psychological counseling work, we found that children's dislike of learning may also be an act of saving the family. This is an unconscious act: create one problem and solve another.
For example, if a teenager does not go to school, the cohesion between parents will become stronger, and he will focus on solving his children's problems and no longer have the heart to talk about love outside.
Parents can't imagine how much their children love their home.
Some parents also find it difficult to understand. They will think that just need to manage their children’s studies well, why worry about it?
However, he did not think from the perspective of the child that if he was a child, his parents would quarrel or betray and hurt each other all day long, and he would still have the intention to concentrate on studying.
This girl is a female student crying in class. The girl is a schoolgirl crying
3. Children's own reasons
The reasons why children hate school are complicated. In addition to school reasons and family reasons, there are also their own reasons.
For example, children are sensitive internally, have low self-worth, and are inferior. Children like
often have difficulties in adapting, especially when they reach a new environment, such as the growth of primary school, primary school and junior high school, and the growth of junior high school, the growth of children need more time to adapt.
Some children will still have difficulties in adapting even when they go to college and cannot integrate into their classmates and schools.
The disgust of learning at this time is a kind of self-protection, because if he does not go to school, he can avoid his own fragility.
Another factor in the child is that the child has too high expectations for himself.
When the strength does not match your own expectations, the child will be frustrated and cannot be implemented.
In the cases I have come into contact with, children who are tired of learning are often children with good academic performance. They were once among the best children at the age of age, enjoying the glory brought to themselves by learning, and enjoying the praise of their family and teachers.
Because of this, it is even more difficult for him to accept his achievements plummeted.
Children are eager to learn, but they are repeatedly frustrated.
If he hadn't had high expectations for himself, he could have given up struggling.
However, he was still afraid to go to school, and he was eager to return to school and prove that he "I can do it".
Children who are tired of learning will be misunderstood as rebellious children.
But in fact, they cannot fly freely because their wings (heart) are hurt.
And what parents need to do is to stay patient and understand to accompany them to heal.
This process will be challenging.
Author: Xiaopeng, a second-level psychological counselor, an idealist moving towards reality, full-time psychological counseling, good at emotional problem consultation, marriage relationship consultation, and personal growth consultation.
