The reader wrote to me and said:
My husband and I met through online social software. A week after exchanging photos with each other, we met in real life (I am quite satisfied with my husband's appearance, and we live not very far away). After that, my husband often asked me to have dinner, go shopping, and watch movies. One month after establishing a romantic relationship, we both crossed the thunder pool. The situation at that time was: I rented a house alone, my husband lived with his parents, and my husband would occasionally stay at my house.
When we were dating for about 6 months, I got pregnant unexpectedly. In this case, my husband and I got married with my son. His parents were a little unhappy about my husband’s marriage, mainly because they disliked me for not having a local household registration and did not have a job that they knew was more satisfactory. However, my husband and I were unwilling to deal with the children at that time, so his parents could only help us handle the marriage. After getting married, my husband and I moved into the house I rented because there was no house in my name and I was unwilling to live with his parents. During this period, his parents would occasionally visit our rental house, and during this period, they mentioned that they would buy a house for us.
When I was about a month old with my husband, I peeked at my husband's phone and found that my husband had two girlfriends outside of marriage. Ask your husband about this matter. Husband's reply: 1) I knew them before me; 2) They also knew that their husband was married; 3) Husband also wanted to draw a line with them, but they did not want to get away from their husbands. My attitude towards this: If my husband insists on being a philanthropist in the emotional field, I will choose to withdraw from the intricate relationship. My husband finally gave me a promise: he would draw a line with those two girls as soon as possible. What's even more ridiculous is that both the two girls know each other's existence.
I went to a university in the city where I am currently living, and I stayed after graduating from college. It is not a surprise to be able to marry my husband (because just by measuring the material conditions, his family background is not as good as mine), but it is not a pity. After all, I am a traditional and ordinary person, and what I need is a more down-to-earth marriage life.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
In the era of fast food love, many people will regard the Internet as their preferred channel for finding a marriage partner, which is because people's chat process will be relatively simple. During this period, the two people must first pass the eye. Once both parties are satisfied with each other's appearance, they will find themselves in real life after a brief inquiry on each other's work and family background. Then they quickly established a romantic relationship and lived together. As for whether we can get the result of marriage after living together, that is a story later. It is because many people are a bit hasty about living together before marriage. It is not ruled out that some people get along very happily during the cohabitation period before marriage, so that the marriage life they end up with is also very happy. But there is another possibility: when I want to repent about the relationship, I find that I am pregnant.
Because the cost of making friends through the Internet is relatively low and convenient, some people will maintain ambiguous relationships with several opposite sexes at the same time and then select the best from them. The love between you and your husband is probably the product of your husband’s selection: 1) Your conditions in all aspects satisfy your husband; 2) You live closer and it is more convenient to meet. After you become pregnant, you and your husband reached a consensus that they would not deal with the child, which resulted in your marriage. During this period, your husband did think about breaking up with his other two girlfriends, but those two women still have no love for your husband. In this case, although your husband will not give them attention, he will also play with them at some times. After all, sometimes, your husband can still gain freshness from them.
However, many things are inseparable from paper. After you find that your husband has other women outside of marriage, you will naturally scold your husband and stop his passionate behavior. At this time, your husband will naturally weigh the pros and cons: 1) You are already a legal couple; 2) Those two women must be frivolous in your husband's mind. In this case, your husband naturally has to take care of your emotions and draw a clear line with those two women.At this time, you cannot just listen to your husband’s promises, but you also need to take strict care of your husband. When your husband doesn't have much chance to meet those two women, his relationship with those two women will naturally fade.
Regarding the relationship between your husband and those two women, my understanding is: at a young and frivolous age, I want to give more opportunities to love, and I am not very satisfied with myself, but I give the girl I care about without rejection, and even occasionally show off in front of my friends. But as you get older, you will gradually understand things: 1) The other party may not be excellent enough, but your love for your husband is sincere. If your husband does not have the idea of marrying the other party, there is no need to blaspheme the other party's sincerity. Perhaps separation is the best explanation to the other party; 2) Now that you are a person with a wife and children, you should ensure your loyalty to the marriage. In this case, you must also be separated from the other party.
There is no need to regard those two girls as your rivals. At best, your husband did not handle the previous things when he was dating you. Now under your deterrence, in order to ensure the integrity of the marriage, he will inevitably draw a clear line with those two women. Your husband also knows clearly that you are a woman who is suitable for life. Although you are currently living in a rental house, please believe that it will not take long to own your own house: your in-laws have included the purchase of a house for you in their life plan; your parents will also have some concerns about you still living a rented house. I believe that with the birth of your child, your life with your husband will be on the right track.
Messages to some men with pretty good qualifications: You can weigh the pros and cons when choosing a marriage partner, but when you have decided to establish a romantic relationship with someone and have the idea of getting married, you need to remove the previous flowers and plants from yourself. If you make yourself a philanthropist in the emotional field, it will not only be unfair to your legal lover, but also to those women who give you deep affection outside of marriage. It’s not wrong to love someone. The key is that even though you know that you don’t love the other person, don’t continue to be ambiguous with the other person. Perhaps rationally withdrawing from this relationship will make it less for the other person to like you. If you rely on the other person who likes you and play with the other person's feelings, it will be a bit unkind.
Editor:
Age and experience will really give a person a temper, and that kind of change will happen without realizing it. The reason why many people are less petty and less sharp after middle age is not because they no longer have emotional manifestations when encountering some things, but because the antibodies they produce from their experiences make them no longer prone to anger at some things.
When people are young, they always try their best to add to themselves, and they also like to show off. However, as they get older, they will find that learning to subtract is a more comfortable lifestyle. If a person can learn to be content in life and no longer be troubled by too many external factors, he will be in a better state. Of course, you need to understand your own life more often.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
