Adults need face. While missing them, they will also think: What will the other party think of me if they take the initiative? I took the initiative so many times and did I look like a clown in front of him? Will there be someone around him watching me laughing at me at the same time? The more worried thought is: he annoyed me and felt that I was not worth mentioning in his life, just a bunch of shits.
When we instinctively think of these, we will never contact you no matter how much we miss you. I think that today's environment really encourages "independence", such as personality independence, financial independence, emotional independence, and psychological independence, so that independence is placed on the opposite side of emotional relationships.
This is anti-human. To give an example I encounter in daily life, we often encounter similar problems: I miss him very much, what reason should I find to contact him? If I say this, will he feel that I can't let him go? Will it be unimportant? I hope he understands my feelings, but I don’t want to say it directly, what should I do? When I asked further, their unified answer was probably: I didn't want him to know what I thought.
Because of this, it seems that he is very dependent on him. It is also because of this that he created a paradox: I don’t want to take the initiative, but I want the other party to know their thoughts → I can only take the initiative → I can’t let the other party know their thoughts → I don’t want to take the initiative. Behind these thoughts is that we have been persuaded to "independence" for too long, and even distorted the word "independence". The price is that if you lose the golden cycle that should be contacted most, the other party may be gone, or even have a partner, and you will want to regret it; or you will always find reasons for your escape, while suppressing your inner feelings, and finally your heart becomes distorted, wanting for a moment, fearing for a moment, and never making a choice. In the end, you simply escape completely, thinking that intimate relationships are not a good thing, and then brainwashing yourself with the so-called "independence greatest". Pua has no problem, and the problem lies with others.
Behind these twisted mentalities are fear of being hurt. We have a subconscious mind set of self-protection mechanism . This mechanism will work whenever we perceive "danger". Even if this is not an objective danger, it is because we may be rejected in interpersonal relationships, the subconscious level will feel unacceptable. So when you talk about wanting to contact, you think of being rejected, and when you think of being rejected, you think of not wanting to do anything. In order to reduce your sense of incompetence, I repeatedly told myself to be independent and beautiful with the people around me, but I did not realize that a true adult will not resist being connected with others.
