Teacher Xu Chuan said:
What determines whether our marriage can be happy?
Recently I heard a story:
When she and her boyfriend were in love for a year, they broke up because they couldn't get along due to various reasons. During the year when they were disconnected, they trained themselves in different fields, each shined and had a sense of self. With a clearer understanding, understands what kind of partner and life they want, each has found a stable "core", and they also know how to manage relationships better.
So, a year later they not only got back together, but also got married and lived very happily..
Because, when the core of two people is stable, the intimate relationship will be very relaxed. There will no longer be friction, there will be no quarrels over who washes the dishes, let alone quarrels, avoidance, and cold wars. They will only focus on each other. No more unnecessary consumption on important events that improve yourself and enhance marital happiness.
Such a marriage will present an advanced state of : the general is on his way, not chasing the little rabbit .
And many people are still quarreling over daily trivial matters in their marriages. In the final analysis, the marriage lacks a stable self-core .
For example, you can't always communicate with each other, and always quarrels when communicating, and he always seems not to understand what you are saying ; or you are both very strong and have high self-esteem, and often has a cold war over some things, and no one is willing to take the initiative to give. No matter how hard it is, you want the other person to bow down on your own initiative; or, if you are a little wronged in the marriage, you have to give it back to the other person twice as much.
You guys always seem to have constant conflicts with , and no one is convinced by the other .
In my opinion, these are not the core of marriage, but just the symptoms of the problem.
The real question is - do you have a core of self and no goals in your marriage?
If you don’t have a clear core of self in your marriage, you will be overwhelmed by the trivial problems in front of you, and each problem cannot be solved. If he is indifferent and ignores you, a sense of despair will arise spontaneously.
But if you clearly know what you want, you won't be trapped in the entanglement of one-third of an acre, and you will know how far your current life has deviated and how to achieve your ideal marriage .
There are three directions for cultivating a stable core in marriage:
. Be consistent with yourself and others.
wants to become a better version of himself in marriage and be able to recognize the value of his existence from the bottom of his heart.
The state after marriage is relaxed and confident. You have a clear understanding of your own situation, know what your strengths and weaknesses are, and can accept that you are an ordinary person, and he is also an ordinary person. .
Even if you both find that you are not capable of being the other person's ideal partner, you can accept the fact that you just can't do it, that it is not ideal enough, and recognize the other person's efforts from the bottom of your heart.
2. Establish a growing marriage relationship.
If you want to grow in your marriage, you can support each other instead of holding each other back.
If you want to be promoted in the workplace, he will help you research industry knowledge and provide objective advice. If he wants to start a business and pursue his dream, you can calmly analyze the pros and cons for him. can help you regardless of whether it can provide practical support or not. He sorts out his thoughts and achieves inner self-consistency. This kind of marriage is mutually supportive.
However, in many marriages, couples cannot trust each other's decisions and feel that the other person's back hurts when they stand and talk. In important moments, they not only don't want the other person to be around, but also want him not to talk... It is precisely because of the lack of marriage. business.
3. Focus on important events.
does not care about the shortcomings of parents and focuses on the 20% key points.
Marriage also pays attention to the 28 rule . The 20% you think should be discussed later determines the happy direction of your marriage, and the 80% of trivial matters in life may seem very important, but in fact they are the most emotionally draining. of.
When you have a clear understanding and goals in marriage, and then face the problem of unhappiness, you will see many solutions , such as how to guide him to change, and when you cannot convince him, how to Capture his emotional needs, break down his defenses, and make him start to trust you.
A marriage without a core is like a piece of loose sand, which does not even need to be blown by a strong wind. A little conflict will cause internal disintegration; while a marriage with has a stable and clear core, it can actively solve problems when it encounters them, and it can tolerate each other's small things. shortcomings, focus on events that enhance happiness, learn to manage emotions, learn to build a loving relationship model, know how to resolve conflicts in a gentle way, give full play to your own initiative when encountering emotional crises, and change what can be changed. Improve that you can improve.
It is difficult for a marriage like this to be unhappy.
Finally, hopes that everyone can do it: the general is on his way, not chasing the rabbit.
If you are experiencing other relationship problems, you can also tell me about your situation and I will help you analyze how to solve it.
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regains marriage happiness.
