The most interesting and practical psychology that we work on every day
People's enthusiasm for the relationship between the sexes will never fade, but no one can really say clearly what kind of relationship the relationship between the sexes is.
In fact, the relationship between the sexes is inherently chaotic. There is no specific definition, and no theory can express it straightforwardly. All we can do with is superficial experience, understanding and discussion.
is based on one of the most widespread needs of men and women. The most intuitive relationship between men and women is the sexual relationship. Sexual needs tightly bind many men and women who may or may not be in love with each other.
But what about beyond that? Are there no pure, uniquely human emotions between men and women? Of course there are
. According to the laws of human emotional development, the emotions between men and women will go through roughly three stages. The first stage is sexual demand, the second stage is the struggle for power and interests, and the third stage is emotional dependence.
Although the first priority is sexual needs, the relationship between men and women will ultimately penetrate into the depths of human nature. If a relationship cannot penetrate into the depths, it is destined to be difficult to last.
In real life, the relationship between many couples only superficially stops at the first stage and does not go deep into the second or third stage.
But in fact, people are very eager to go deep into it. Men are especially eager to get these three things from women after going deep.
1. Real understanding
Female friends can easily overlook one thing, that is, men are more eager to be understood than we think.
This is based on human nature and the general social environment. There is a natural consciousness in the nurturing environment of men, which requires men to be strong, tolerant, and able to swallow their grievances. Therefore, most men have little opportunity to talk about themselves as they grow up. The inner world is understood.
But objectively speaking, men are also human beings, and they also have the desire to express themselves and desire to be understood.
There is a saying in the psychology circle: "Every soul longs to be seen." And to some extent, men are more eager to be seen deep in their hearts, which will make them truly feel the connection with others, so if you want to To stay with a man for a long time, try to understand him and enter his inner world.
In this way, after the passion and sweetness dissipate over time, your attachment to each other is still profound and difficult to let go.
2. Unconditional trust
Is love conditional? Objectively speaking, true love is unconditional. No matter you are poor or rich, ugly or perfect, I will always love you.
If a person has received unconditional love, he will be full of strength and have unlimited energy to explore the world.
Psychologists have found that unconditional love, compared to other forms of emotion, is regulated by a unique neural network; and that unconditional love has beneficial properties and helps to establish strong emotional connections between humans.
But this is only an ideal state. In real life, the love of most of us is burdened with various conditions. Once these conditions cannot be met, love will dissipate. Of course, this kind of love can still give people warmth, but it has great limitations and cannot make people truly relax or feel the sense of stability of "being loved" .
Therefore, men, who are always the giver in the relationship between the sexes, actually long for unconditional love deep down in their hearts. After all, they are all flesh and blood, how can they not long for the seven emotions and six desires of ordinary humans .
And observing those elite men who have achieved worldly fame and fortune, most of them have a loving family or partner behind them.The power of unconditional love is so great, what man doesn’t yearn for it?
3. Care from the heart
Every adult man has a little boy living in his heart who needs to be comforted. However, most adult men only think about and long for it, but never get real care and comfort.
Because men generally have to bear a lot of responsibilities, whether in sexual relationships, or social activities, this makes them unable to complain about being tired even if they are exhausted. Life is in a hurry, and it is difficult to notice if the people around you are not attentive. Their suffering.
Zhang Ailing once said: "Middle-aged men often feel lonely, because when they open their eyes, they are surrounded by people who rely on him, but there is no one who he can rely on." In fact, the pressure of adult men is generally Very big, they actually need the care of their partners.
Words of care and behavioral care are important not only for women, but also for men.
If you are the wife or girlfriend of an adult man, please give your partner a little more care and don't feel pretentious. Maybe a few thoughtful words from you in a soft voice cannot change the reality, but they can change people's hearts.
If people want to change their lives, the first place to start must be their own hearts.
Only when the heart is full of power, consciousness can truly drive the brain nerves to make changes. Therefore, people should always live with a loving heart. Only in this way can they be happy.
- The End -
author | Tommy Da
editor | Wan'an
first psychological writing team | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Reference: Jean Piaget Biographie. (2020, January 29).
WeChat public account: first psychology
