This is the 1035th real person we tell
I am motoi
(My Chinese husband Xiaojin and I)
My name is もとい(Motoi), and I was born in Kyoto, Japan in 1993.
This city, together with Osaka and Kobe , has become the "Kyoto Hanshin Big City Circle". It has a strong charm and is also a city with deep "Sinicization". Many shops still have traces of Chinese characters on the names of them.
My deepest impression in my childhood was that every year, the cherry blossoms and cherry blossoms and cherry blossoms and cherry blossoms are blooming season. On both sides of the streets, wherever I see, it is full of clouds.
(March and April of every year is the season for cherry blossoms)
Walking on the street, you can see many young parents with two or three children around them, which is very common in Japanese families with many children. Our family is also a big family. I have two sisters, one sister, and the whole family is six. Except for my father, they are all women.
Dad is a medical worker. He has a rigorous and serious personality and is really good at work. He loves his job just like he loves us children.
In Japan, the income and treatment of doctors are very good, so after the eldest sister was born, the mother who graduated from college became a full-time housewife.
In Japan, full-time mothers like my mother are very common. Many families have their husbands working and their wives taking care of their children. A young man can also support the whole family when he goes to work, because the cost of raising a child is more controllable. For example, the child was free of charge before high school, and if he was hospitalized, the food was paid for at your own expense.
Of course, there are also some full-time mothers who will do some part-time jobs after their children go to school, but the main purpose may not be to survive, but to improve the quality of life.
(I went out with my family when I was a child)
Another reason why there are many full-time mothers is that Japanese parents do not help their children take care of their grandchildren. They live a very casual life and do not want to work hard and lose the sunset in their later years.
The elderly are more willing to live their own little life alone than taking care of children. If the children have something to do occasionally, the elderly will also lend a helping hand.
Usually, the responsibility of taking care of the next generation is still shouldered by full-time mothers. They are the key to the family and society. Just like our family, dad is breaking in front and mom is busy behind.
My mother has a very gentle personality. She has not been tortured by tedious housework and has become a resentful woman, but has become a loyal supporter of storage and organization.
Like many Japanese women, my mother loves to organize things. Our family has many children and many things, so the mother has done more diligently, and the space is planned and divided into silhouettes. The second floor is a quiet and refreshing living area. The first floor houses all kinds of things to use for daily use. The outside yard is used for barbecue and growing flowers and grass.
So, although I have been full-time for many years and have so many housework that I can’t make a list, I have hardly seen her get angry since I was a child. I feel that she is more like a best friend and confidant. I am willing to share anything with her, so I don’t have to worry about being criticized. She is always my strong backing for what I want to do.
(My mother is preparing food for our whole family)
Influenced by my mother, the four of us sisters have good personalities. My eldest sister and I have been quiet since childhood, while the second and fourth sisters are lively. On weekends and holidays, parents will take our sisters four to take a hot spring bath or go on a scenic mountain vacation.
No matter where we go, we who are of similar age are inseparable from quadplugs . My childhood was spent in such a happy parent-child time. Because of the confidence given by my family, although I am quiet and not good at speaking, I am energetic and very independent.
When I was in elementary school, my academic performance was very good. When it comes to cultivating my interests and hobbies, my mother also took me as much as possible. Knowing that I like quietness, she enrolled me in piano lessons. When I was in high school, I really wanted to learn music, so I got into a music-related university.
Who knew that just a few months after entering school, I felt that my slow-tempered personality was not suitable for learning art. I couldn’t enjoy the stage and it was painful to learn.It was also at this time that I found that I really wanted to be a teacher, and dealing with the children would make me feel very relaxed.
But if I drop out of school, it means I have to take the college exam again. What should I do if I fail the exam?
(On Mother's Day, I bought a bouquet of flowers for my mother)
Like many people when they were young, I was also confused and confused at the fork in my life at the age of 18. In the end, my parents encouraged me to obey my inner feelings, and I also wanted to fight for my ideals once. If I don’t try, there will always be regrets, right?
So I dropped out of college and took the exam again. This time I got into the education major as I wish. After graduation, I continued to study for postgraduate studies.
After graduating from graduate school, my original intention has not changed, and I still want to be a teacher. In Japan, teachers are civil servants and need to take the civil service exam.
is like China today. At that time, Japan was very popular in the public examination. Many young people thought that civil servants were a symbol of stability, and they had good welfare benefits, fixed leave and annuity, and they had a lot of competition. They also competed with , and I also became one of them.
Fortunately, with my education, hard work and serious personality, I finally got ashore and became an elementary school teacher in Kyoto, Japan. The wish I made that day finally blossomed.
(I enjoy every meal very much)
but I thought that the teacher would get into the primary school entrance exam once and for all, but I didn’t expect that I was very wrong. After becoming a teacher, I felt the other side of the job of a civil servant. What people outside the circle see mostly halo, but what people inside us feel is the real hard work behind it.
is stable and stable, but it is really busy and tiring, and it is not easy at all. After class during the day, I have to be busy preparing lessons when I get home from get off work, which is equivalent to changing places and working overtime.
Moreover, in order to balance the educational resources of the entire city, teachers will be transferred to a brand new campus to teach every once in a while, and everything will start over. So, in Japan, there seems to be no concept of school district housing.
(I was photographed by Xiao Jin, as beautiful as the scene in Miyazaki movie)
Every spring is the busiest time for our teachers. Because the school has spring home visits, the teachers have to make appointments with students' parents one by one, and come to the parents to discuss their children's learning situation one by one.
When I first started visiting my home, I was quiet and a little shy. My biggest fear was that I didn’t know what to say when I saw my parents. This problem has troubled me for a long time. Fortunately, all the parents I met were good, and they used enthusiasm and kindness to resolve my embarrassment.
This quiet personality not only makes me troubled at work, but also makes my mother anxious about my marriage. In the past few years of working in
, in order to gain a foothold in the teaching industry, I, who was not keen on social interaction, devoted myself to my work and turned a blind eye to love.
Until 29 I became a veritable older young woman. Not only did my mother not be able to bear it, but even my friends around me began to take practical actions to "get out of singleness".
(There is a photographer husband, so happy)
One day in September 2020, I was "forced" to take a blind date with my friend. I felt sorry for my friend if I didn't go, but I really didn't expect it, so I just thought it was done.
The boy who went on a blind date was as old as me. He was named Xiao Jin, a boy from Northeast China wearing glasses. He was a photographer. He was tall and thin, and he was gentle, but he talked a lot. He spoke very well in Japanese.
My first impression of him is actually nothing special. I admit that I am a slow-tempered girl and I can't do anything quickly. As I chatted, I realized that he came to a blind date because of his friends' face. It turned out that we still have such similarities.
Later, he asked me out to play. Our first date was in Japan's largest lake - Lake Biwa . That day, the surface of Lake Biwa was still beautiful without any turbulence, but I had no experience in dating and was nervous and restrained, and I rarely spoke throughout the whole process. Xiao Jin asked on his own initiative along the way, and I answered.
When we were tired of walking, we went to eat Japanese cuisine together. When I checked out, I said I would treat you. Xiao Jin said that when we date in China, the man would treat you.This date made me feel that this Chinese guy is quite real, not slick and trustworthy.
(My husband Xiao Jin and I went out for dinner)
and then dated four or five times, so he proposed to let me be his girlfriend. I nodded and agreed and went to date.
We have a very good aura and are all indifferent to all kinds of fame and fortune in the city. He doesn’t understand romance, but he understands my slowness. Our love is not like a passionate love, but more like a tacit couple who have been married for many years.
In this fast-paced era, he is considerate and warm and willing to accompany me to have a dull and slow love relationship. The camera is full of my photos, and I think this is the right person. What a wonderful fate, what a happy mortal firework!
After 8 months of dating, we had plans to get married. Unexpectedly, our Sino-Japanese transnational love was opposed by our father.
(Me in the Snow)
In Japan, the marriage event requires an agreement between the parents of both parties. Dad felt that he had to meet the man’s parents first, but he had no choice but to catch up with the epidemic, and Xiao Jin’s parents could not get through in Northeast China.
I explained to my father several times, but he just didn't let it go. He said that I have been a simple child since I was a child and must be cautious in my marriage. I didn't know how to get my father to agree to my marriage with Xiao Jin. I was in a depressed mood and cried several times.
Mom could see my pain. She said she wanted to see Xiao Jin. My mother's words made me see New Hope again. When we met, my mother asked Xiao Jin about her plans and plans after marriage and where she would live.
Xiao Jin said that he was the only child in the family. He had never thought about settling in Japan before, but now he has a motoi and a home. Chinese parents said that he had no worries, they could take good care of themselves and let him stay here to live with peace of mind.
In this world, as long as sincere love is always touching. Xiao Jin's words were very simple, but they made my mother and I cry.
(I like chatting with my mother)
After this meeting, my mother saw the sincerity of this Chinese young man and recognized his character. She went out to persuade her father. With her help, my marriage was confirmed without any danger. The wedding was scheduled for October 9, 2021.
On the day of my wedding, my Chinese mother-in-law also asked me to transfer "bride money" through my mobile phone. I looked confused, why should I pay? The custom of getting married in Japan is that the man gives the woman a diamond ring, and he doesn’t have a bride price, a house or a car, so I returned the money to my mother-in-law.
Xiao Jin knew that I like playing the piano, so he secretly bought a electric piano without hiding it. It was placed opposite the sofa, and we didn't watch TV either.
Under the epidemic, our wedding was also very simple, and the wedding location was chosen by Lake Biwa where we had our first date. The blue sky, green water and white gauze skirt, three or five close friends and family, Xiao Jin’s photographer friends helped us take wedding photos. Although it is simple, it is warm, everything is only related to love.
(On the day of Xiaojin and I’m wearing white veil)
After Xiaojin came to Japan, they lived in his aunt’s house. After getting married, I moved in, and we also lived with my aunt’s daughter. Worried that I would be unaccustomed to it, Xiao Jin said she could go out to buy a house and live alone. But I said I like living with my family very much. My cousin is lively and I like it very much. I can also take this opportunity to save some money.
After marriage, Xiao Jin is really a good husband, but he is an action-oriented person who can't speak sweetly.
If you finish work on weekdays, he will make my favorite supper before I get off work and wait for me to come back to have dinner. On weekends, I will also learn to make Northeast pork belly stewed with cabbage for him, and also learn to make Northeast dumplings. We enjoyed the time we had dinner and chatted together after get off work.
(our dinner)
After dinner, I will wash dishes and read books. Sometimes I will sit down and play the piano and sing. Xiao Jin will play the guitar next to me, and give a paragraph "Women sing and husband follow me". On weekends or holidays, he would accompany me to my parents' home for dinner and visit my grandmother who lives alone in her 90s.
After getting married, I felt that there was no home anywhere and it was more comfortable.
Some time ago, I was working hard at work and got the opportunity to be promoted. The school asked me to be the head teacher. If I accept it, I will be busier in the future. I thought about it, but still refused.
I like my work and love life. I have to work hard during the day, but at night I want to go out for a walk with my family.
(My daily life and I)
This year, there is good news and bad news in our family. The good news is that I am pregnant and I am a boy in the prenatal examination. As soon as I arrived at my mother's house, I told her about this news, and she was very happy.
It’s not because she prefers boys over girls. It may be like the old Chinese saying, "I think about whatever I lack." She has four daughters and wants a eldest grandson the most.
The bad news is that the father, who was 68 years old, still insisted on going to work, was seriously ill. After the operation of
, he went to work after recuperation for a while. We advised him to retire with , but he was unwilling. He said he wanted to work until he was old. He was such a stubborn and cute old man. In Japan, many elderly people live and work until they are old like their fathers, and have a kind of obsession with work.
(Tell the boy's news, she is very happy)
After a few months, I can apply for maternity leave two months before the child is born.
The maternity leave system of primary school teachers in Japan is very good, I can take three years of maternity leave. In the first year of maternity leave, you can receive 80% of your salary every month, in the second year, you can receive 50% of your salary every month, and in the third year, you will not receive any salary.
Many colleagues take up two years of leave for a child, because they don’t want to cause trouble to the school. Some teachers even voluntarily resign after taking six years of leave.
In our family that combines China and Japan, there may be many differences in living habits and culture. For example, I will change the towel on the table and towels for a month, and I will throw away the cutting board for a while, but Xiao Jin will say it will be bad.
However, these conceptual differences are not very related to transnational relations, and even people of the same nationality will have a collision of ideas. No matter which marriage is, the most important thing is that the two people have the same views and a rhythm is in harmony.
After a year of marriage, Xiao Jin and I rarely quarrel. We will respect each other's small things in life and do not force change. Xiao Jin will let me take care of the small things at home, and we will discuss and reach a consensus on big things. For example, the little life is about to come out, and we plan to buy our own house in about two years.
(our family photo)
My love with Xiao Jin doesn’t seem so romantic, nor so many surprises, but our sense of happiness is all in the meal, and every bite I eat is sweet.
True love has no borders, and transnational marriages can last long because they are in the global village.
Under the severe situation of the epidemic, I understand that happiness is not out of reach, the most beautiful thing is the dim lights and the firewood, rice, oil and salt.
Perhaps it is because I have seen a warm home since I was a child that I long for warmth so much. If the full score is 100, I will give my current life a high score of 95. In the past, I often envied my parents for decades of mutual support. Now I have it too. Only ordinary love can flow smoothly and still flow deep.
Finally, I want to say that I and my family are healthy and healthy, and it is the best year! In the days ahead, we Chinese and Japanese couples will work hard together to make our lives flourish. We also wish everyone a love that "hard hands depend on each other"!
[Oral: motoi]
[Editor: Lin Nanfang]
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