Author: Time flies
As the saying goes, men should be married when they are young, and women should be married when they are young. When people reach a certain age, they must carve out their own path in life.
If you make the right choice, you will be more powerful; if you make the wrong choice, your efforts will be in vain. It can be seen how important it is to be able to choose a partner and family that match your three views.
How to build your own happy family?
Love is undoubtedly a touchstone for two people to get along before marriage, and they have a rose-like aura when facing love.
Due to the surge of youth hormones, facing such an "excellent" partner, an infatuated man spends a lot of money to face the "Rose Princess" in his heart, but in the end it is all in vain;
And an infatuated woman faces the "Prince Charming" in her heart. "But infatuated, in the end, it was abandoned like worn-out clogs.
Therefore, it is very necessary for both parties to abandon some rational thinking and maintain a certain degree of rationality during the relationship.
Through close interactions with him and his family members, find out whether their personality matches your own views, so that you can decide whether to stay or go. Therefore, when your children are looking for a partner, they should never look for these four families.
01. Disrespecting other people’s families
In May last year, a video went viral on the Internet:
A mother suffered from severe bleeding during childbirth. During the rescue stage, the doctor immediately asked the husband and mother-in-law to sign to see if they were protecting the adult or the child.
However, what is unexpected is that both the husband and the mother-in-law believe that the child should be protected.
At the critical moment, in order to give the mother a chance to survive, the doctor initiated legal procedures to protect her parents. However, the child did not survive, and the mother-in-law wanted to sue the doctor.
In order to give birth to children for her husband's family, a woman cannot choose her own qualifications for survival at a critical moment. It is really sad!
This kind of plot is only dared to be written in novels, but it is happening in reality.
People often say: a happy marriage can live a long life; an unhappy marriage can kill people, and it is true.
For many people, it is a normal thing for a woman to give birth to a child. Just because every woman will experience it, it is nothing more than that for a woman to give birth to a child. These ideas are especially prominent in families that favor sons over daughters.
As the saying goes: There are three types of unfilial piety, the greatest of which is not having offspring. In people's subconscious, women have been reduced to production tools throughout the ages. As for whether they can survive? It depends on your own destiny.
Just like what Zhao Bai in " Bailuyuan " thinks:
Women are like window paper. When it is torn, it is peeled off and then new ones are put on it. If the old ones are not removed, the new ones will not come in. In her eyes, women are tools for giving birth to children, so what if they die? As long as you have money and can afford the betrothal gift, why worry about not being able to marry a woman?
In order to continue her popularity, she did not hesitate to sell iron and spend half of her fortune;
The eldest grandson Bai Xiaowen and his wife were newly married. Xiaowen indulged in excessive sex. This should have been Bai Xiaowen's own fault. However, she taught her granddaughter-in-law a lesson and even threatened to She wanted to "sew" her grandson-in-law up;
Bai Xiaoyi had no children, so she took her grandson-in-law to pray to God and worship Buddha, and even directed and acted in a scandalous comedy of borrowing seeds to give birth to children...
In her eyes, in the "birth of children" kind of " On issues of "big right and wrong", no matter how many mistakes men make, they are all caused by women.
But she forgot that she was also a woman. Perhaps when Zhao Bai was young, she also opposed her husband's family's preference for sons over daughters.
But since she established a family, as her family's sense of belonging and family interests have affected her survival, over time, her previous trivial and "extraordinary" ideas were immediately wiped out in the torrent of traditional thoughts.
So don’t marry someone who doesn’t know how to respect you and your family:
Because they won’t sign the consent form for caesarean section when you’re in labor and you’re in excruciating pain, and they may turn a blind eye when you’re alone and helpless. It is said that you are hypocritical, and even take your efforts for granted, and easily ignore your own needs...
If you want to build your own family, the most basic requirement is:
You must be a person who can decide your own life. A human being, not a person who must live according to other people's wishes.
02. Don’t marry a money-oriented girl
In October last year, I came across a short video in which a girl was accepting the challenge of “eating spicy strips”.
In order to attract customers, the host asked the girl some questions such as her requirements for marriage. But at that time, the girl with a shiny face was chewing fish pieces and answered without thinking, which was surprising!
Her criteria for choosing a spouse are: a man must be over 1.8 meters tall, not ugly, and have a monthly salary of 50,000 yuan...
After that, she said more directly: "A boy cannot earn 50,000 yuan a month, is he disabled? "The host of
was obviously shocked by this topic, and then asked without giving up: "So what do you think is the appropriate gift for getting married?" The girl
answered more directly: "If you want to marry me, you need at least 300,000 in gift. , this is the normal price, and my parents have taught me this since I was a child! "
It can be seen that a family concept dominated by money is very scary. Anyone who has read Maugham's " Veil " knows:
The protagonist Kitty is influenced by her mother's view of money in her native family. She loves vanity and only wants to marry into a wealthy family.
And all of this originated from Kitty's mother, Mrs. Justin. In that era when women could not work in public, Mrs. Justin pinned all her ambitions on her husband.
She also taught her daughter this: Use beauty as a tool to make friends with dignitaries in order to achieve glory and wealth.
However, as an older leftover, Kitty was unable to realize her dream and had to retreat and marry Walter, a bacteriologist she didn't like.
Kitty, who was restless in her marriage, once again met her ideal Charlie by chance. After a period of sweet relationship, when she was infatuated and proposed to the "Prince Charming" in her heart, she was ruthlessly rejected by him.
There are no shortcuts in life, and marriage requires management. Any gain for nothing will be fleeting.
Yishu once said: "There is no free lunch in the world. No matter what you do, you have to pay a price."
What flowers you plant will bear fruit. If you tie the future to a man, you can only make progress in the end.
A marriage that only considers money is absurd, and a marriage that does not consider money is stupid.
I have no objection to the woman in marriage asking for a bride price. I also know that asking for a bride price is also a source of confidence for the woman, which in turn causes the man to pay attention to the woman.
But everything needs to be done in a certain way. A woman who regards money as everything will stay with you when you are famous, but abandon you when you are infamous.
Therefore, crazy men who have soaring hormones in love must keep their eyes open and not blindly spend a lot of money, only to end up with nothing.
03. Widowed Family
On December 27, 2020, a couple born in 1995 in Shijiazhuang were diagnosed as COVID-19 patients. Their trajectory was announced together. However, this disclosure highlighted the actual marital status of many young people today. —— widowed marriage .
It turns out that the wife’s daily schedule is to buy vegetables, cook and pick up the children; while the husband only goes to the Internet cafe, home and eats.
Within 21 days, the wife and children fell ill twice, but the husband went to the Internet cafe for five consecutive days.
Who wants to be a couple in name only? Many people will only say that this is just one example. However, in fact, this is not the case. There are many such examples, but they have not been discovered.
In today's society, how many people lose themselves in widowed marriages; and how many people regret it after marriage because of personality differences!
Since ancient times, we have called women in marriage good wives and mothers, as if women can only be responsible for housework, laundry, cooking and taking care of children at home.
If you cannot handle family affairs after marriage like most women, you will be looked down upon by your mother-in-law.
Under the influence of this social concept, men generally do not take the initiative to take on housework, and naturally think that this is what women should do.
For example, when you go to the man's family for a blind date, you only see your mother doing laundry, cooking, and doing hygiene. And there are families where the father is too lazy to move after eating, and even the mother is too lazy to move her feet when mopping the floor.
A son born in this kind of family environment will not know how to be considerate and take care of others.
Family is his most important reference for his future married life, and he will unconsciously project this life model into his own marriage.
Just imagine, after he has been taken care of since he was a child, after he starts his own family, who will be his mother's successor? The results speak for themselves.
In a marriage, only if two people contribute in both directions can it last; if in a marriage, only one party contributes unilaterally, it is destined not to last long.
Therefore, when a girl chooses a boyfriend, she should also see whether he has a sense of responsibility, otherwise you will regret it too late after marriage.
04. A family where the children have no independent opinions and the elders make the decision.
As the saying goes, it is difficult for an upright official to handle household affairs. Each family member has a different way of speaking and doing things due to his or her own different thoughts and insights. Therefore, the possibility of conflicts among family members increases.
So what we do is: respect each other's personal opinions, be considerate of each other, and seek common ground while reserving differences, so that we can resolve conflicts in each other's hearts and avoid unnecessary disputes in the family.
In the TV series "心在", the relationship between Shi Yuan and Gu Qingyu was originally very good, but because Shi Yuan's mother has a relatively strong personality, and because Shi Yuan's income is far less than that of Gu Qingyu, he has low self-esteem between his mother and his wife. I always feel like a dwarf in front of me.
Under this double pressure, Shi Yuan has been living a very depressed life, and Shi Yuan's mother often intervened in his work, which led to more and more quarrels between Shi Yuan and Gu Qingyu, and finally they broke up unhappy.
When we encounter a family where the elders are particularly controlling, and the person you become your partner is willing to be your parents’ puppet without any thoughts and responsibilities of your own, then the small family you have worked so hard to build will be lost to your parents. Fall apart under excessive care.
Zhou Guoping said: "A sense of proportion is the standard of mature love. It knows how to observe the necessary distance between people."
Under the thoughts of strong parents, weak children become unassertive because they are rooted in their parents' thoughts. , became a real baby-mother boy and a brother-supporting devil.
Yu Qiuyu said:
The road of life is taken step by step by yourself. What can truly protect yourself is your own choice; what can hurt you in turn is also your own choice.
If you meet such a partner, you should stop your losses in time and avoid losing money. This is the best outcome.
