author/xiaozhi
I have to say that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is indeed subtle in many cases. A common phenomenon in life is that if is done well, it may not work, but if it is done poorly, it will probably happen.
Two days ago, a boy and I discussed the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law online. He said this: Many daughters-in-law today, because of some conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law when they were young, are not filial to their mother-in-law when they get old. I think this is wrong. After listening, I refuted him. It was obvious that to a certain extent, he had transferred some of the things that he should be filial to as a son to his wife.
Therefore, he believes that when his mother gets old, it is not right for his wife to be unfilial to her mother.
But in fact, from the daughter-in-law's perspective, there is probably a certain causal relationship.
I told him that I have many daughters-in-law who treat my mother-in-law well. I believe that when my mother-in-law gets old, they will definitely be filial to her, but this kind of kindness does not come for no reason - it is not because you are my husband’s mother, so I It should be good to you.
This logic is not absolutely true, because everything we do in life actually has certain emotional factors in it. This emotion will push us to achieve a certain result, and will also promote certain good or bad results.
For example, If a daughter-in-law treats her mother-in-law well, first of all, it should be because they think her mother-in-law is a worthy person.
I believe that most girls, when they first get married, want to get along well with their mother-in-law. No one will regard her mother-in-law as a completely hostile party from the beginning. Even if they are dissatisfied, they will definitely not express it. come out.
Any relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that breaks down in the end is definitely a long-term process - this knot can no longer be untied, so it is better not to untie it, so as not to cause more troubles to yourself.
In other words, in this process, there are actually many opportunities to unlock these things, but no one puts them into practice. When the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law reaches the end, they will naturally not give in easily.
I told that boy, since you have already said it, some mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts occurred when they were young and have always existed. If the mother-in-law did not untie those knots when she was young, then when the mother-in-law gets older, her health will not be good. Okay, now that you don’t have that much ability and say, do you still want your daughter-in-law to be able to repay evil with kindness? There may be people like
, but they are really very few.
Everyone has his own temper, and the principle he follows is basically "you are good to me, so I will be good to you." This is human instinct.
Furthermore, a daughter-in-law's kindness to her mother-in-law also stems from how well she plays the role of a middleman - the person who is both husband and son, and what role he plays in it.
There are some people who may have the role of adding fuel to the fire. When faced with the conflict between their mothers and wives, they have no ability to deal with it. There are even many people who will just let their wives endure it. Being a mother is not easy. In fact, who of us living in this world has it easy?
The final result of this method is mostly because the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law affects the marriage itself-as a man, his position in it is too unfirm. After all, mother and son do not have an overnight feud. As long as the wife and husband do not involve issues of principle, they can also There is no such thing as unforgiveness.
But mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are completely different.
Sometimes, conflicts between each other arise because of a very small matter. Maybe everyone will always remember this matter in their hearts, and it will affect the subsequent attitude towards the other party. After that, the conflicts will continue to accumulate, and when the time comes After a certain period of time, quantitative changes will lead to qualitative changes. At that time, it is basically impossible for one party to want to reconcile.
Looking at those people around me who do not have conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law after marriage, a big reason is that their husbands have a very clear attitude and regard their wives as very important. As mothers, they can definitely feel it, so they treat their daughters-in-law The attitude is better.
And they have a lot more understanding when it comes to their mother-in-law. For example, I have a friend whose husband also has a younger brother. Her mother-in-law is quite biased in doing things, so much so that her mother-in-law herself said: Fortunately, you are sensible. If you had a daughter-in-law who was not sensible, she would at least have a big quarrel with me.
She is actually very dissatisfied because of her mother-in-law's more accommodating mentality toward her younger daughter-in-law, and she often complains to us.
But she really didn’t take it seriously and thought these were trivial matters. The reason was not that she was really generous, but because she said: “I don’t want my husband to be in trouble. He is so good to me. We Regardless of the relationship, I don’t want to argue or quarrel with him because of this. Just be more partial. "
This is exactly what the saying goes.
From the wife's perspective, if she thinks her husband is worthy, she will also consider it when it comes to the issue of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Instead of being a man who does nothing but insists on what his wife should do, it would be strange if this does not have any counterproductive effects.
At any time, as a mother-in-law, the most efficient way to choose a daughter-in-law is two words: considerate.
This kind of determination does not mean to be fickle, or to say that there must be a win or loss, but a kind of recognition from the heart, allowing the daughter-in-law to recognize this mother-in-law.
In fact, the method is very simple. As a mother-in-law, treat your daughter-in-law as an ordinary junior among relatives, without suspicion, without scrutiny, without prejudice, but with a basic courtesy. , and at the same time have the etiquette and responsibility that an elder should have.
As long as this can be done, it is impossible for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along poorly.
As for the situation of treating your daughter-in-law as a daughter, no one needs to force it. It is a blessing to be able to do it, and it is human nature to not be able to do it, because they are not mother and daughter in the first place. With this kind of mentality, it is easy to expect If it is too high, it will be detrimental to getting along later.
Regarding this truth, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should understand.
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