The reader wrote to me and said:
I am a train driver and can’t be at home for about ten days a month. I don’t think there is anything wrong with this lifestyle. My wife has no complaints about the nature of my work. It’s just that my buddy is like a fly and often shows her kindness to my wife during my work. Although my wife did not do anything out of my mind, the non-rejection attitude that my wife showed when she was dedicated to my brother still made me feel very unhappy, so that I sometimes have the illusion that they are true love, and I was just an accident. Whenever I scold my wife for this, my wife will say: I can’t do anything about the other party to provoke me. Of course, I have negotiated with my buddy for this. He always said that I was petty at first, and until after I turned against him, we didn’t have much contact, but he was still in contact with my wife alone.
My buddy does not have a serious job, but in the early years, my family has some money in my hands. The key is that my buddy adheres to a life attitude of being at ease in his life, and does not eat or drink or invest blindly just because he has money. Even if he doesn't go to work, he is much more nourishing than the life of an ordinary office worker. However, when choosing a marriage partner, my buddy chose a more beautiful but unreasonable wife, which led to his unhappy marriage life.
My wife has a stable job and is also a good person to do housework. However, she lacks some opinions in life. As long as people around her treat her well, she will show kindness in front of the other side. Over the years, the reason why she has "teased" with my buddy is because my buddy often treats her with small favors. To be precise: My wife has absolutely no love for her brother, but her brother regards her as his spiritual food.
Due to work reasons, it is impossible for me to keep my wife in my sight. Whenever I encounter a scene where my buddy comes to visit my house, I will be furious. I would like to ask: In the face of my buddy’s provocation to my wife and my wife’s inability to refuse, what should I do to make such a situation disappear in my life?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
People must deal with different people in their lifetime, which leads to too much joy, anger, sorrow and happiness that are related to the people around us. Sometimes, we will meet some unconscious people, and sometimes we will become unconscious people in the eyes of others. The reason is: each of us should be abide by the rules in life, but in some special circumstances, we may not be able to fully self-discipline. The result is that when one’s own misconduct violates others, it will naturally cause others to denounce us. I still want to remind everyone: Since everyone cannot be isolated, during interpersonal communication, we should try our best to show ourselves a more comfortable state around us.
talks about some unruly things that everyone has secretly done in life: 1) I have spitted randomly when I was unintentionally; 2) I have experienced running a red light when I was unintentionally; 3) I have experienced urinating and defecating when I really couldn’t find the bathroom; 4) I have experienced urinating and defecating when I really couldn’t find the trash can and I had experienced trash in my hand and discarding it in a relatively hidden place. I believe that when I do these things, I feel a little nervous, but after doing it, I did not reflect too much on my improper behavior, but instead found a more appropriate self-comfortable statement about my behavior: I did something unruly in a hurry.
In fact, people’s injustice in the emotional field is a concrete manifestation of not following the rules, or bringing luck that your lover will not find at all, or bringing luck that your lover can forgive you even if you are discovered by your lover. At this time, I actually knew that my behavior was wrong, but I would still act like a hidden bell. Of course, there are some unconscious people in life. Even if they face your scolding, they will find many reasons to excuse themselves, and even face your scolding, they will feel that you are a little meddling in other people's business.It’s like: some uncles and aunts who dance square dance are simply angry, but they still do their own things. In fact, what everyone dislikes is not the square dance itself, but whether the volume of the speaker can be controlled to the range of not making noise when dancing.
Because love has a specific uniqueness and possessiveness, even if your legal lover belongs to the category of pure friendship with a certain opposite sex, once the contact with each other is more frequent, it will inevitably cause you to be discomfort. At this time, the little care is just to show your possessiveness. If you don’t love it, you won’t eat similar dry vinegar. As a human being, you should have the minimum thinking from the perspective of others: if the same thing happens between your lover and other opposite sex, would you be unhappy? It’s like: there are always some people who can accept it calmly when facing the opposite sex that they are good to them, and when they are indeed innocent of the other party, they say that their lover is cautious when they negotiate with you because of this matter, but someone cares more about your lover, you will force your lover to give them a rejection.
In life, we often encounter such situations: "I can't do anything about the other party" and "Whatever you think, I'm innocent anyway." Does this sound innocent and blame yourself for many things? What I want to say is that as a siege, one must have the minimum sense of boundaries with the opposite sex outside of marriage. When some words and deeds make their lover uncomfortable, they need to take care of their lover's feelings. The reason why your lover does not hurt you in the same way is because his upbringing does not allow him to do this. Once your lover uses the same attitude as you do in managing feelings, you may not be able to be generous. Therefore, sometimes, don’t think that your lover is petty, but be highly self-controlled and conscious in the sense of boundaries.
I also believe that your wife and your buddy are innocent, but who can guarantee that you won’t get wet if you walk by the river often? To this end, when your brother provokes your wife, you have already turned against your brother. There is another thing you need to do: tell your wife in a tough tone that from now on, she can no longer have any form of dating with your brother, otherwise there will be no negotiation on divorce. Maybe your wife will ask you: As for it? You must say to her firmly: As for. I would like to advise everyone: When others have their own family, if the other party clearly states that they will not have the intention to develop as a lover with you, please do not continue to disturb the other party's life; if the other party is willing to develop a lover relationship with you when they have a family, you can summarize "a couple of dogs and a woman" in one sentence for your relationship.
Postscript:
Everyone has two sides, but life is relatively long. Try to keep yourself from showing your ugly side in front of everyone while restraining. Because you need to take care of your reputation when you are alive. If you gain a bad reputation from the people around you, you will invisibly establish too many enemies for yourself, and eventually lead to an isolated result.
There is no need to make yourself live like you are hated, especially on some principled issues, you must maintain the principles you should have. Maybe you are the best in a certain field, but when people evaluate you, they will not only see your strengths, but also remember your weaknesses. If you ruin your bright future because of some shortcomings, don’t you feel that there is something that is not worth it for the loss of the big one?
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)