A reader wrote like this:
Last weekend, I was cleaning the clothes of my husband and children at home when my best friend suddenly called me: Xiaojing (my name, pseudonym), I have something urgent to discuss with you, and I only give you half an hour. Come meet me in the lobby of a certain hotel. I put down the phone, settled my children who were doing homework, and hurried out. When I arrived at the place designated by my best friend, my best friend was not there. When I was about to call my best friend, I found my husband and a woman walking out of the hotel hand in hand. At that moment, I understood my best friend’s true intention. My best friend’s workplace is not very far from this hotel. It must have been not the first time she saw her husband in and out of the hotel, or she didn’t want me to continue to live in my husband’s lies, so she couldn’t help but call me.
My husband and I fell in love freely and got married. When we fell in love, my parents and many relatives and friends reminded me: You'd better think carefully about this marriage. Because in their opinion, my husband is too smooth, and they are afraid that I will not be able to control my husband after marriage. But most women may be like me and find it more interesting to fall in love with a scumbag. At that time, my husband was very good to me: he could make me happy and create a little romance for me.
Today, my husband and I have been married for five years. During these five years, my husband has the experience of staying overnight without returning home, and it is common for him to come home late. The reason my husband gives me every time is: working overtime or drinking with friends. In fact, I can vaguely feel that my husband is flirting with women outside of marriage, but I have never thought about divorce and my husband will still create small romances for me from time to time. Therefore, I don’t want to be that too shrewd woman. After all, the husband never lost his way home.
This time, I witnessed it with my own eyes, and I couldn't continue to pretend to be a fool. At that time, I slapped my husband twice, then turned and left. As soon as I got home, my husband came back with me. Because the child was at home at the time, my husband could only pull me into the bedroom, plop, kneel in front of me and slap himself several times, and then apologized to me in various ways. In the end, I chose to forgive. I would like to ask: There will be a long time to come. What should I do to prevent my husband from being too carefree?
Muzi Li Emotional Analysis:
Around me, there are men who are loyal to marriage and men who are flirtatious. In the end, I concluded that those men who are loyal to their marriage will remain loyal to their marriage even if their wives are not around; those men who like to flirt with women will find them for themselves even if their wives often check on them. Chance. Regarding life style, it has a lot to do with personality, cultivation, and cognition. People are alive, and after all, they cannot tie their lovers to their belts. Therefore, people's performance in life mainly depends on consciousness. Because you are not willing to divorce you at all, so you can only use words to scare him about his flirtation: if you are found to have betrayed the marriage again, divorce will not be discussed. Although your warning to your husband may not guarantee that he will never betray the marriage again, it can at least have the effect of restraining him. This is because your husband has no intention of divorcing you because of a woman outside of marriage. .
After you caught your husband on a date with your lover, you slapped him twice in front of your lover, but he didn't fight back against you, and when you turned around and left, he rushed home as soon as possible. After your husband got home, he pulled you into the bedroom and knelt in front of you to apologize. Your husband's series of actions fully illustrate two things: 1) In your husband's mind, your lover and you are not on the same level at all; 2) Your husband has no intention of divorcing you.
Actually, your best friend should not have told you about this at all, or as you said, your husband and his lover go on dates in that hotel more than once or twice. Your best friend is not willing to let you become a fool who is deceived by your husband. , just want you to understand the ins and outs. The truth of the matter is: Even if a man engages in promiscuity outside of marriage, being able to hide such matters from his wife for a lifetime is still a skill. Because he always has to justify his lies. This process itself also needs to be done carefully, otherwise the flaws will be quickly discovered by your lover.And because everyone has their own attitude when it comes to similar things, the reminders your friends give you about similar things must also be well-intentioned.
If one day your husband learns that you went to the hotel to see him because your best friend tipped him off, he may hate your best friend. At this time, you should have the attitude to remind your husband that if you don’t want others to know, you must do nothing yourself. . Of course, you'd better never let your husband know that it was your best friend who snitched on you. Maybe some people's actions will really cause us trouble. As long as the other person's starting point is well-intentioned, even if the result is not so satisfactory to us, we still have to have a grateful attitude. Unfortunately, when something like this happens, some people will be full of hatred for their best friend's tip-off, but I don't think it's necessary. You know, in this indifferent era, not many people are willing to meddle in your family's business. Those who are willing to meddle in your family's business are people who care about and feel sorry for you.
Because people have different attitudes towards things, people behave differently. I have discussed the matter of cheating with some people around me. Some of them think that extramarital affairs are a mistake that all men make, while others think that such behavior is extremely disgusting. Among them, those who feel that cheating is a mistake that all men make will definitely betray their marriage if conditions permit, while those who feel that extramarital affairs are disgusting behaviors will often exercise self-control when facing temptation. . Therefore, people's thoughts are the key to determining behavior. The cruel reality tells us that if a person does not admit defeat somewhere, it is difficult for him to remember.
reminds all people in the siege, if you find that your lover has betrayed the marriage and you have given a forgiving attitude after the affair, and at the same time your lover has no idea of divorce, at this time, you should have the following attitudes: 1) Be regular Check on your lover; 2) Make his mobile phone transparent in front of you; 3) Limit his social activities and limit the number of times he comes home late. For this reason, people in the siege also need to understand: Originally, your lover trusted you and your time was relatively free to control. Now the reason why you are strictly monitored by your lover is not because of your personal life. The consequences of being cautious cause your lover to distrust you and restrict your freedom. This is the price.
Editor's note:
Everything will have a process, so don't expect your lover to immediately forgive you for your cheating after the affair. During this period, your lover will be suspicious and depressed because of your cheating. During this period, it is not ruled out that your lover will curse in front of you, or even be unable to trust you. At this time, you need to have a sense of atonement and be more patient in front of your lover. This is also the punishment and price you deserve for cheating.
If one day your lover who used to talk about you in front of you becomes silent, or ignores your private life, don't think that your lover is sensible, it's just that he doesn't love you anymore. During this period, if you still go your own way, it is not ruled out that your lover will suddenly propose divorce to you one day. At this time, don't think your lover is too unfeeling. After all, people's hearts don't grow cold in a day. He is just disappointed because of your indifferent attitude. For you, divorce is a loss; for your lover, divorce is a rebirth.
(pictures from the Internet, pictures and texts have nothing to do with it)
