Different words, different worlds | How to understand the other half's words

recently came home and found something very interesting. It is probably that I have to describe a lot of related things and make a lot of preparation before my family understands what I really want to express, but my parents can. It's not like I struggle to communicate, two people will understand what they want to express when they say something. I can’t help feeling that I may have not been home for too long, and I am too unfamiliar with my parents’ lives. Similarly, my parents can only occasionally greet me during the past six months. After a few phone calls and imagination, it is inevitable that I can’t help myself. .

The same problem is also very common in other homes. When friends go home, they will find that they always have disputes with their family members. Both parties try their best to express, but the effort is mixed with various emotions. This is a mutual relationship. A good opportunity to understand and enhance the relationship has turned into a ruthless quarrel scene.

My friend couldn't figure it out late at night, and asked me why the house became like this. He didn't understand me at all. I really couldn't stand his condescending accusations.

I thought about it for a while, and I remembered the very popular passage "Did you see a chicken?" The original sentence is "There is such a sentence in film studies: "Did you see a chicken? What does it mean? ? When each of us is reading a work or watching a movie, all we see is the chicken in our eyes. What you actually see is the chicken in your eyes. It depends on what you see that chicken, your cultural background, your knowledge structure, and all your life experiences. This also means that some Sometimes you will find that, for example, when treating a work, this person says that this work expresses this meaning, and that person says, no, this work wants to express this meaning. The two people are constantly arguing. The conclusion of this argument is not important. The key is to see what reason and background he based on. He came to this conclusion. This is very important. Sometimes you will find that different people in daily life will have disputes. In fact, the result of the dispute is not important at all. What is important is that there is a difference in cognition between the two people. The difference in cognition is the reason for the dispute. reason. "

Two completely different worlds are behind the different conversations,It takes a little patience and time to get points from the other party. Understanding the other half has become a key to establishing an intimate relationship. Unexpectedly, there is actually the book "Understanding the Other Half". The author Deborah Tynan is a famous American sociolinguist. He is currently a professor of linguistics in Georgetown and one of the six honorary tenured professors of the school. . She used to work as a researcher at the Advanced Research Center of Behavioral Science of Princeton University at and was awarded the title of "McGraw Distinguished Lecturer". She has published 12 bestsellers. This is one of her books. Understanding the language system behind the other half is the hard part of listening.

1. Understand the difficult-to-understand world behind the conversation

"Gender communication is a kind of cross-cultural communication", behind different discourses are different worlds, and men must maintain independence in dialogue , Women want to maintain intimacy. The asymmetry of this kind of communication itself can bring misunderstandings and conflicts. Similar conflicts often appear in different families, especially when it comes to family expenses. For the example in the book, when buying anything over $100, the girl will definitely discuss with the guy, but the guy will buy a new motorized lawn mower he wants without hesitation and think they can afford it. . The girl is troubled by this, not because she does not support men to buy these things, but because she feels that men behave as if she does not exist. Many women find it a natural way to consult their partners on everything, but many men unconsciously make decisions without consulting their partners.

2. Understand the differences and have a deeper understanding of the other half

"Understanding the differences can we gain a deeper understanding of the other half through the process of growing up independently of each other The communication method learned in the social world, then the conversation between the two sexes is a kind of cross-cultural communication. Although each style can communicate effectively by its nature,But the difference in style can lead to misunderstandings. Looking at the dialogue between the sexes from a cross-cultural perspective, we can reasonably explain why there is mutual dissatisfaction between the interlocutors, without having to accuse either party of being wrong or abnormal. Understanding the difference between these two styles will not make it disappear, but it will prevent us from demonizing and accusing each other. Understanding why our parents, friends, and even strangers adopt which behavior patterns can give us comfort, even if we still don’t see things the way they do. Doing so can make our world more familiar and familiar. In addition, letting others understand why we speak and act like this can protect us from others’ misunderstanding and criticism.

It is easier for people who are familiar to understand each other, because it is easier to understand the behavior of the other party because of their past experience. For strangers, people are less able to understand each other, and if there are other behaviors, it is easier to attribute them to "wonderful flowers."

Three. Ten rules behind male and female communication

There are ten rules behind male and female communication, which are: p_1span2 pspan There are different worlds;

2. The purpose of communication between the sexes is different;

3. Women pay more attention to emotional communication, and men pay more attention to the solution of things;

4. Women Friendship starts with gossip;

5. Communication will give people different feelings of preaching and listening;

6. Community awareness and competition are conflicts in communication methods;

Who spoke,It is a matter of dominance and control;

8. Dilemma: women judged by male standards;

9. "When I speak to you, look at me": gender is even worse than age;

10. Dealing with inequality.

When we can see different style differences, we will not blindly blame others, nor will we just attribute these to personality defects. But when we can understand the gender differences in communication, we may not be able to prevent the disagreements, but you will have more opportunities to prevent the disagreements from accelerating out of control.

When two people come together with a sincere heart, but cannot communicate because they cannot understand each other, one of them will become irrational and stubborn, and eventually move towards separation. Therefore, it is very important to understand how the other party communicates. The importance of communication itself is that two people understand each other together, work together for the relationship, and work together to walk faster and more steadily.