As a family education institution focusing on "teenager psychological counseling", Yuhehai Education deals with parents' various worries every day, such as:
What should children do if they are addicted to games? (Internet addiction problem)
What should I do if a child is reversal day and night and cannot wake up? (Sleep problem)
What should I do if my child is tired of school/has difficulty in resuming school? (Academic Issues)
What should I do if my child is depressed and can’t figure it out? (Depression problem)
What should I do if my child is addicted to Internet/shopping addiction? (Other questions)
.......
Over time, we found that most of the problems stem from the parents' inner weakness of their children and their confusion about their original family. So, today we will take "Soul Girls Depressed and Leave School" as a case to reproduce the comprehensive consultation service for teenagers' problems , in order to enable everyone to have a clear idea of the treatment of the problem and what they can do for their children, so as to have a good idea and act well.
01.
case fundamentals
◎ Basic situation:
qingqing, female, sophomore, hates school, addicted to the Internet, take a break from school, produces depression
◎ Family situation:
The father is an executive of a state-owned enterprise, the mother is a self-employed person, the father is negligent in discipline but has strict requirements, the mother meets material needs more, and lacks care and communication for the children. The child grew up with his grandmother, who just compensated and spoiled, and his education ability was limited.
◎ Registration status:
Qingqing's father beat and scolded and humiliated his children, and his mother lacked spiritual care for Qingqing. Qingqing has disgust and resentment towards his parents since middle school.
After going to college, the discipline constraints became less, Qingqing began to "revenge" rebellion, her studies were basically abandoned, she was addicted to the Internet, skipped classes, and did not return home at night, and spent many high amounts of irrational consumption.
Long-term black and white life combined with stress and tension caused Qingqing to experience physiological symptoms such as insomnia, dizziness, palpitations, , etc., and failed three subjects in the first semester of her sophomore year, and was determined to be depression in the second semester of her sophomore year, and she was officially suspended from school.
02.
Research Center Analysis
Father is strict, mother meets material needs unconditionally → lack of intimacy → desire for love and attention → use extreme behavior to retaliate against parents → inner depression, mental tension → produce depression
Do psychological energy analysis : energy ↓ fluctuations ↑, weak stability and strong repression 30 points
03.
Preliminary research and evaluation
During the mediation process, the Yuhehai psychological expert team analyzed Qingqing's symptoms, combined with the family's wishes, and finally formulated a one-on-one teenager psychological service plan for them.
Based on the concentric circle family education ecosystem, the 581 dual-system dynamic regulation method is used to conduct a comprehensive assessment of Qingqing's current status from the aspects of family-social-psychological-physiology.
- team of fish and sea psychology experts jointly formulate systematic solutions;
- psychological counselors use various consultation methods to conduct psychological counseling through online or offline conversations;
- experts make systematic adjustments in an orderly manner based on the child's mood and family status;
- expert assistant is responsible for phased feedback, regular follow-up, pay attention to family needs, and cooperate to complete the consultation goals. After research and discussion, the expert teacher first came up with an evaluation summary, involving three aspects: family factors, psychological factors and social factors.
Qingqing's first evaluation summary (simplified version)
Overall:
- Personality traits and the parenting method of the original family have strengthened his heart's susceptibility to emotional stress and psychological problems, and further aversion to learning and depression.
- The external environment additional stimulation further prompted the troubled outbreak.
Looking at this evaluation summary, Qingqing's family quickly began to cooperate with the expert teacher and confirmed Qingqing's comprehensive adjustment plan.
04.
Comprehensive improvement process
Adjustment plan for Qingqing, Yu Hehai formed the treatment alliance between family education instructor and psychological counselors:
4- Family education instructor is responsible for regulating family relationships, improving parent-child relationships, family education guidance, etc.;
- Psychological counselor is responsible for the psychological part of the service plan, including: Qingqing's individual consultation, family adjustment, supportive talks, daily instant tutoring is arranged in the early stage of adjustment, and when necessary, it is recommended that Qingqing participate in the new stage of comprehensive evaluation.
Qingqing's growth plan (simplified version)
This comprehensive service plan is based on the concept formulation of Yuhehai Education "Concentric circle·Family Education Ecosystem" , and is a point-to-point improvement + both service for the analysis of the symptoms and samples.
The entire concept runs through every stage of the plan, and personalized adjustments and optimizations are made according to the specific situation of Qingqing's personal and family status.
◎ Solve emotional troubles:
By doing "Family APGAR Questionnaire" (Family Care Index Questionnaire) , experts found that the lack of family intimacy is an important reason for Qingqing's anxiety and stress index. Qingqing also suffered from 's psychological resilience , poor psychological capital, low psychological elasticity, insufficient positive psychological capital, lack of meaning in life, and personality disorders.
experts guide Qingqing to view past family environment dialectically from multiple angles and integrate her attitude towards her parents; she hopes to help Qingqing improve her self-confidence and value through self-positive suggestion, improve self-confidence, accept herself, and complete reasonable catharsis and cognitive reconstruction; effectively improves the level of psychological resilience, achieve the balance between the individual and the self and the outside world, thereby completing psychological coordination, and realizing the coordination and unity of Qingqing's internal psychological elements, personnel, interpersonal and physical and mental.
◎ Improve family education methods and improve parent-child relationship:
After communication, experts found that Qingqing's parents are representative "leadership" father and "nanny-style" mother.
Qingqing's father, as an executive of a state-owned enterprise, has many outstanding people around him. He has been strict with Qingqing since he was a child. He hopes that his daughter can be excellent enough to bring glory to himself. However, Qingqing's long-term grades have been at a moderate level, which has caused her father's dissatisfaction. Her father's education method is mainly criticism and accusation.
Although the mother maintains Qingqing in front of her father, she has to take into account her work and is more unconditionally meeting material needs for Qingqing, and there is insufficient parent-child communication and care expression.
experts pointed out in the consultation that the autocratic dimension, neglected dimension and spoiled dimension that appear in Qingqing's family will bring multiple negative emotional experiences to Qingqing's growth, affecting its psychological elasticity. Through long-term backlog effects, it will produce psychological problems that are difficult to repair and difficult to solve, and directly damages the child's psychological elasticity.
In the family system, parents play different roles, which are intersecting and irreplaceable. Qingqing's emotional structure in the family and the lack of parental roles lead to the incompleteness of the child's personality. Through extreme behaviors, he attracts parents' attention and vents dissatisfaction, while escaping reality and filling the spiritual emptiness, resulting in negative, conflicts, suspicion and other unhealthy thoughts and emotions. Experts hope that Qingqing's parents can improve their concept of family education, relieve Qingqing's bad emotions in an emotionally warm manner, and help Qingqing get out of the negative state and return to normal life through correct guidance such as encouragement.
◎ Improve learning motivation:
After discussion, experts believe that Qingqing’s learning problems are mainly due to the depressed academic mood caused by due to the lack of self-efficacy . on the one hand should guide Qingqing’s parents to accept their children’s academic performance positively; on the other hand, help Qingqing restore her academic mood and regain her confidence.
Low family intimacy makes Qingqing have serious inferiority complex and lacks self-efficacy. My father cared too much about his grades, had high demands and strict accusations against Qingqing, and my mother cared too much about him, so everything would be fine if he made money.
Experts first help Qingqing parents establish a correct view of education and talent. Each child has different talents and advantages. As the saying goes, teach according to their aptitude, parents need to accept their children's imperfections, and at the same time actively discover their children's advantages, understand more, encourage more, and compete less, give children more positive encouragement and positive guidance, and rebuild their children's sense of self-identity and confidence.
In addition, Qingqing gave up her studies mainly to vent her dissatisfaction and escape from reality. Experts suggest that the mother needs to help Qingqing complete the relief of compulsive psychology, anxiety and resentment from the perspective of rational guidance, and walk out of the haze of self-giving, establish the courage to face reality, and finally restore her academic mood and successfully resume school.
When Qingqing is willing to open herself, her parents begin to accompany and encourage, warmth and love flow at home, Duoduo also begins to take the initiative to learn, and our company is coming to an end.
05.
Fish and sea family education
Researcher commented
1. Qingqing has grown up and entered university, why does she still have a psychological crisis? What are the characteristics of psychological crises for college students?
believes that entering university ends sensitive adolescence and becomes an "adult". From then on, you can start a free and relaxed life without pressure or burden. This is a misunderstanding of college students' academic life and psychological state.
College students are still in adolescence. The immature emotions and mind are obviously unstable and fluctuating than adults. Moreover, compared with middle school students, college students have a certain amount of time and freedom of economic control. is more likely to cause college students to fall into the conflict of self-discipline and laissez-faire, conflict between self-control and out-of-control, and conflict between ideal self and real self. This makes college students' psychological crises more dangerous and difficult to detect, and it needs to attract the attention of parents and college students.
In individual cases, Qingqing's family ecosystem does not play a sufficient positive role in the individual development of children. Instead, it makes Qingqing's sense of meaning in life and cannot make positive judgments on its own life value and future development.
entered university, and the discomfort of environmental changes, the improper handling of interpersonal communication, the gap between reality and ideals made Qingqing fall into a psychological dilemma, and she became disgusted with school. Because of her parents' lack of care, her self-regulation ability and stress resistance, her help and self-help were insufficient, and cognitive conflicts and thinking obstacles broke out. Finally, she chose to use extreme behaviors such as indulging in the Internet, skipping classes and rushing to school, and high-level impulse consumption to escape reality, vent her emotions, and paralyzing herself.
Qingqing's problem represents the psychological problems of many contemporary college students: The unpurpose and blindness at the will level; loneliness and anxiety at the emotional level, emotional indifference caused by emotional loss; self-weakening at the personality level, moral deviance, etc.
2. What impact does the family environment and parenting style have on Qingqing’s psychology? How should we deal with it?
Extreme behaviors such as Qingqing's disgust in learning, obsessed with the Internet, and self-give upbringing is not only a temporary escape from the fear of contradictions, but also a second-best way to change the courage to face the courage to give up and resist in the case of lack of resistance to setbacks.
Qingqing lacks emotional communication, interaction and mutual understanding with her family. When dealing with difficulties such as academic pressure and environmental changes, Qingqing lacks rational guidance and psychological energy injection, loses sense of self-efficacy, and is difficult to restore individual resilience. psychological capital has been maintained at a low level for a long time.
As a growing college student, Qingqing has a lack of experience in actively thinking and solving problems; the ability to build good psychological capital and use a positive and brave method to deal with difficulties is insufficient.
This leads to Qingqing being trapped in multiple contradictions for a long time: the contradiction between longing for parents and resenting parents, the contradiction between wanting to break free from difficulties but being unable to change reality, the contradiction between the short-term enjoyment of self-paralleled and the long-term consumption of self-give up, etc. In the end, Qingqing developed personality disorders that were contrary to moral norms, as well as emotional disorders such as emotional instability, neurasthenia, loneliness, fear, anxiety and suspicion.
We suggest that we must first fully understand the subjective and objective factors of Qingqing's psychological problems, guide Qingqing's parents to improve the family environment and repair the parent-child relationship, reduces the number and intensity of "crisis sources" of Qingqing's psychological crisis, weakens the negative psychological impact on Qingqing, rebuild the psychological mechanism , and restore self-efficacy.
Secondly, help Qingqing's parents guide their children to change their thinking style, especially to change the self-negation and irrational part of the family, strengthen the rational and self-confidence components in their thinking, gain control over life crises, practice self-persuasion ability, make Qingqing's thoughts more positive and rational, rebuild confidence in family relationships and self, and restore to the psychological balance state before the crisis broke out.
In addition, guide parents to create opportunities for Qingqing to complete meaningful events, meet inner needs, focus on reality and look to the future. For example, strengthen parent-child communication and repair inner trauma; actively participate in school and social activities, enhance self-esteem and self-efficacy, cultivate a sense of responsibility, exercise social skills and problem-solving ability, cultivate Qingqing's self-tutoring ability, and finally get out of depression and successfully resume school.
3. Qingqing grew up with her grandmother since she was a child. What impact does the intergenerational education have on the personality traits of college students?
With the advent of an aging society, many ancestors helped take care of their grandchildren. However, represented by Qingqing's grandmother, the influence of factors such as educational ability, self-concept and the assimilation of long-term life has caused a certain negative impact on Qingqing's personality traits.
First of all, intergenerational education has caused Qingqing to lack socialization and adaptability. The lifestyle of our ancestors is relatively simple and traditional, and the educational value orientation of is limited in scientific nature. Grandma's way of expressing care for Qingqing is mainly spoiling and compensation. From the perspective of rational development, it will limit children's exploration activities and reduce Qingqing's extroversion; at the perspective of social development, intergenerational education can easily cause grandchildren to have internal aging and psychological fragility, such as Qingqing has interpersonal problems and moves towards self-enclosure in the face of discomfort in the new environment.
Secondly, intergenerational education has a certain negative impact on Qingqing's resistance to setbacks. Compensatory spoiling makes it difficult for Qingqing to accurately grasp herself, and the negative education method of often lacks communication and emotional guidance between different generations of education. Qingqing is younger than those who grow up with their parents, and she has a large emotional fluctuation, is prone to anxiety and tension after problems occur, and has low ideological tolerance and resistance to frustration.
Third, grandma lacks the ability to recognize and cope with the conflict between Qingqing and her parents and the psychological problems caused by lack of intimacy. Grandma simply understands Qingqing's growth dilemma simply because her father is ruthless, but her mother cannot control her. The solution is to give her children more compensation for spoiling. The limitations of the educational concepts of ancestors made the grandmother insufficiently understand Qingqing's psychological and emotional dilemma, and could not fundamentally guide Qingqing out of her inner dilemma, or coordinate Qingqing's parents to give her children more love and attention.
06.
After the consultation is over, follow-up
Central psychological consultation is carried out regularly through online phone, video, WeChat voice and text, offline consultation room face-to-face inquiry, Yuhehai psychological experts follow up the whole process, and provide guidance for one more during the service period. In the second month of the service period, Qingqing has begun to actively learn. When the three-month service ends, Qingqing's family is very satisfied with the service effect.
Later we learned that Qingqing had gotten out of depression and successfully resumed school. She could arrange her study and life in an orderly manner and the family atmosphere was very harmonious.
Through continuous practice and optimization in the field of teenager psychological counseling, Yuhehai has accumulated many experiences in correcting adolescents' school aversion to school, anxiety and depression, adolescent rebellion, Internet addiction, behavior correction, etc. In 7 years, it has served more than 35,000 families.
Fish and sea education has been continuously upgraded to the sixth generation of "concentric circle family education ecosystem", "focusing on adolescent psychological counseling" takes rapid and effective as the core test standard, teaches theory and guidance step by step, accompanying children and families to solve short-term problems, change in medium-term cognitive response model, and to long-term character growth, practice has proved that service effects are immediate, continuous, and both symptoms and root causes are treated.
If you have troubles or troubles about parent-child relationships and native families, I hope today's content can increase your confidence in improving children's troubles; you are also welcome to Yuhehai Education for consultation. 7X24-hour consultation phone number: 400-1185-985.
We are committed to helping parents improve parent-child relationships and improve their self-growth. The plan is based on a large number of clinical consultations and case interviews to extract common problems from them and seek effective solutions in specific scenarios.
Yuhehai Education is committed to helping parents improve parent-child relationships and improve self-growth. The plan is based on a large number of clinical consultations and case interviews to extract common problems from them and seek effective solutions in specific scenarios.
Yuhehai Education is an institution focusing on psychological counseling for adolescents. Over the past 7 years, it has provided high-quality services to more than 35,000 families. The exclusively developed "concentric circles and family education ecosystem" has been upgraded to the sixth generation; the "581 dual-system dynamic adjustment method" based on "concentric circles" has received high praise from a large number of parents.
The predecessor of Yuhehai Education was the "Fish and Hai Psychological Exchange Group" established in 2015. The eight co-sponsors are leaders in the education industry, primary and secondary school teachers, college teachers, hospital psychiatrists, and psychological counseling industry experts. The studio was later established and it was operated in 2019. The research center is located in Beijing and the operation center is set up in Zhengzhou.
Yuhehai Education has always attached great importance to product research and development. Its subsidiary [Yuhehai Family Education Research Center] holds regular product seminars, and the seminars have reached hundreds of sessions. At the same time, the center cooperated with universities and invited many professors of psychology and doctoral students from universities to serve as researchers.
Yuhehai Education was earlier exploring the "offline + online" guidance model, and became a pioneer in the "full process online consultation" in the field of adolescent psychology in March 2020. Online guidance services launched due to the sudden outbreak of the epidemic are very popular due to their privacy, convenience and efficiency. They have unique advantages and have achieved significantly better guidance than offline guidance.
◎Adhere to refined services. In 2020, Yuhehai launched the "2020-2025 Fine Refinement Project", proposing that before 2025, "only serve 3,000 families per year."
◎Persist in action with warmth. In 2016, "Yuhehai Charity" was established. Over the past six years, "Yuhehai Charity" has affected more than 1,000 families and has reached more than 10,000 children in total.
◎Continuously output original content. Up to now, various media platforms under Yuhehai Education have published more than 200 original youth psychology popular science articles, 90 Zhihu answers, and 30 science popular science videos, with a total reading volume exceeding one million.
