Accessor asked:
Why do many psychology books talk about "accepting your true self"? What does this "self" mean?
"I" who is "I"? How did
"self" form?
Who is the subject of "accept yourself"? If it is "me", what is the difference between this "me" and "self"?
After "accepting yourself", what changes will happen to the people and things around you and your evaluation of the people and things around you? Can you give specific examples to describe
Heart Love Consultant answered:
From a psychoanalytical perspective, is a stable and rich psychological structure that removes non-adaptive defenses, clearly experiences and tolerate the existence of contradictory emotions, and expresses the knowledge in an adaptive and unique way.
In the context of today's era, the real self is largely a form of suitable narcissism, without long-term, too detached, exaggerated and self-deprecating narcissistic fantasies and forms troubles, and can reconcile happily with limitations ("accept things that cannot be changed") or satisfyingly realize potential ("strive to things that can be changed" and maintain an open attitude towards success or failure.)
It must be emphasized here that the real "self" often exists in the relationship unit of the self-object, and the real "self" is often the product of adapting to the relationship, "there is no self without relationship." As Kohut says, autologous object needs are indispensable for human life, and this is often only obtained from reciprocity relationships. Usually, people who only care about their own pleasure and do not care about others' worries seem to live out their true self, but are actually just wrapped in the cloak of fake self.
It is difficult to explain what the real one is, and the derivative of the real one is basically clear:
(1) Good interpersonal relationships: "Don't force others, don't be wronged"
(2) No long-term and/or serious emotional troubles
(3) I am satisfied with the overall person "I".
(4) Feeling pleasure and/or meaningful to "my life" as a whole can at least "pain/pain and happiness."
--Teacher Yuan Hanbai
