How to get a "sense of security"?
More and more research shows that adult attachment status can be predicted through early parent-child relationships. So, if you didn’t have a “safety attachment” when you were a child, will you become a person without a “safety” when you grow up? No!
Psychological research has found that there is a group of people who have experienced improper parenting in childhood, but are still classified as "safety attachment" after adulthood and they "gain a sense of security." What makes their attachment type change?
Economic and social status. People with a certain socioeconomic status do not have to suffer the serious difficulties that come with poverty, and may be more likely to encounter positive experiences in later life, overcome negative childhood, and become safe as adults.
alternative support characters. If parents cannot provide safe attachment, in addition to parents, the presence of a supportive adult can hope to become an important medium for children to overcome negative experiences with their parents.
can provide people with highly supportive relationships. emotional support (rather than instrumental support, such as buying gifts) will help make the other person feel safe.
Participate in psychological counseling. One of the reasons why consultation is effective for a long time may be that psychological counselors play an alternative role in support. Establish a trust relationship with a consultant, so that individuals feel worthy of care and protection, and cultivate a more positive view of themselves. Create it yourself. Everyone may feel different in security. You can try to list some things that make you feel safe.
For example: making money, soft plush items, giving yourself time alone every day, reading books, writing diaries, taking deep breaths, practicing yoga, exercising, etc.
In addition, in intimate relationships, set and respect "boundaries", try to let your partner know your preferences, invite him to share his preferences, and promote the establishment of some boundaries of emotional security. When your partner does something we don’t understand, try not to judge the value first. Instead, use a curious attitude to understand "your motivation for doing this". Even if we still disagree with him, we can at least create a safe environment without confrontation.
I wish you can give yourself a sense of security and safely show your fragility in an intimate relationship.
