I never dared to write about my mother. My relationship with her was very nervous before I was 30 years old. The mother in my memory from childhood was always irritable, crazy, paranoid, tired and terrible.
There is a moment of warmth, and most of the time of madness. ——This is all the memories I remembered about my mother when I was young.
My mother's surname is Meng. She is from Puxian County, Linfen, Shanxi Province. She has been called Puxian since Sui and Tang . It is rumored that she has been rich in pony grass, but I don't know what pony grass is? I have never seen pony grass grow in that place. It is Loess Plateau , so what I remember most is the landform of Loess Plateau, which is the excavation of coal mines and iron ore.
I was often sent to my grandma's house when I was young. Until I was 9 years old, I still spent the winter and summer vacations at my grandma's house.
When I was young, my mother treated me very strictly and beat and scolded me at any time. Perhaps her marriage was unfortunate and her life was really unfortunate, so the pain of life had nowhere to be told and could not be explained, so she sent her anger to her children, because children are the ones who are the ones who are the ones who love their parents the most. Children love their parents, which is always better than parents.
My mother often talked about her intelligence when she was a child. She had to go home to take care of her younger brothers and sisters before she graduated from elementary school. She always envied her neighbors' children of the same age.
She would proudly say to me: "I can type and know ABCD. I learn from my neighbors' friends who read the most."
I can imagine that scene. Every day, my mother was looking forward to it. When she heard the sound of children from school coming from the front yard, she hurriedly hugged her uncle and rushed to the door, hoping that the girl who was the same age as her and was still studying would go home, and then put on her homework seriously. In the envious eyes of her mother, she began to do her homework, and even deliberately memorized some newly learned textbook knowledge in front of her, so that her mother could learn something along the way.
But the good times didn't last long. My mother soon became 16 years old. Her youngest uncle was 8 years old. My mother was assigned to work and went to the mine cafeteria to work as a chef. In that era, a chef was considered a formal employee.
My mother smiled brightly when she was young. She was a pretty girl with fair skin and beautiful face. She wore a white Yeliang shirt, blue coarse cloth pants, and braids. From the old photos, the mother I saw was a girl who loved beauty very much.
She would tell me: Which young man in the village has pursued her. She regretted not choosing those young men at the beginning. Later, when she met, the young man would regretfully say to her: "Why did you choose such an incompetent person as a man?"
I am sure: There are only two or three men I know, and I still miss my mother who is already a mother, which shows her beauty when she was young.
When my mother married her husband, she was only nineteen years old. After that, she worked hard to make money to support her family, and kept running for her and her two children's livelihood.
Her husband is often away from home and claims to have a job in the provincial capital. He doesn't like my mother from rural background, although her mother is also a formal worker among the young people.
Because her husband’s dislike, her husband’s family naturally disliked her mother, so her mother was very angry.
The anger from my mother-in-law, the sister-in-law, and even the mother-in-law muttered in her husband's ear: The child in her belly is not her husband's, which caused the mother to be beaten hard when she was pregnant.
This also caused my brother's intelligence to be affected a little since he was a child. He didn't speak until he was 5 years old, and he became a silent child.
The reason why I don’t call her husband a father is because I always feel that that man is not worthy of being a husband or a father. My greatest luck in this life is that my mother can resolutely leave the family that made her unhappy and stay away from those who make her crazy.
In that family, after giving birth to a younger brother, my mother went crazy. I don’t know what the reason is? Maybe it was her husband's cheating, maybe it was her mother-in-law's bullying, or maybe it was the misfortunes in life that made her overwhelmed.
In short, she was secretly sent to a mental hospital and then quietly picked up. I am too young, what can a child of three or four years old remember? But I learned the truth of some things from my mother's sporadic narratives, but I didn't know all the things.
From the mother's story, I know:
A pregnant woman has no relatives around and is about to give birth to a child. There is no one around her, so she has to give birth to a child in a urinary pot, cut off the umbilical cord in panic, and carry the child to bed.
I think: It is always because the child and her are both lucky enough to survive without any danger.
After her mother gave birth to her mother, she hid all the eggs and white flour that her relatives brought to visit the mother. She only gave her a bag of corn flour and asked her to cook it herself, regardless of whether she was a mother.
Mother said: She has not eaten good food during her two months. Fortunately, she has a good foundation, so she can withstand the troubles of her mother-in-law.
At that time, all the money she had given to her husband was given to her biological mother, which resulted in the fact that there was no income in the small family that had already separated. It became difficult for her mother to even eat. She had a city household registration and had no land in the village. Every month, she relied on the flour and other things she brought from her grandfather to live.
Raising the child alone and enduring the fear of living in an empty yard alone.
When I was a child, I lived at the end of the small mountain village, next to the back mountain. Various strange sounds often came from the mountains, and all kinds of wild animals appeared. When we were young, we easily found rabbits, snakes and other animals in the yard.
The most thrilling time my mother told was: she was busy going to farm, so she tied my brother to a basin under the peach tree. I played with my brother not far away, but when she came back, she saw a snake on the peach tree, "hissing" to her brother, and I was also squatting on the side and having fun, and I didn't see a snake on the tree at all.
My mother ended up abruptly after talking about this. What was the last one to deal with an attacking snake? My mother didn't describe it carefully, but I could also think of it: "It must have been holding the tools in her hand, guiding the snake down, and then tremblingly sending it to the woods outside. She also had to burn a few sticks of incense, saying that the snake should not disturb the children and the family."
This is what I only knew when I grew up. If I found a snake at home, it would not be possible to kill it. I would definitely send the snake away with it.
Since experiencing this, my mother asked my uncle who was in junior high school to come to accompany her after school. It is always too terrifying to live alone with a woman.
So I grew up with my uncle, who lives in my house and is with his timid sister.
My mother is very good at suffering. After marrying her husband, she was transferred to another factory to work under the words of her husband's family. When my mother talked about this, she was still very angry because she was obviously staying in a factory with good performance, but she was transferred to another factory with bad performance. Moreover, one of them is still open and the other has been closed for a long time.
As he said, for the sake of his mother's good, he actually wanted to find someone to watch over his mother and not let her mother be too close to her family.
At that time, in order to make more money and support my brother and I, my mother always farmed and went to the brick kiln to make bricks, picked up iron slags from the waste residue, and took the time to go home to cook for me and my brother and I.
Duration In order to work, she had to lock my brother and me at home. My brother and I could only look outside on the kang, looking out. Sometimes in the middle of winter, in order to look back at my mother's return, my brother's little hands would be frozen on the glass.
When my mother thinks about the suffering she has suffered over the years, she will feel sad. On the one hand, she had no one to help her take care of the children, and she suffered a lot alone. On the other hand, I feel sorry for the child to endure hardships with her.
Her husband is a person who cannot rely on. The money earned is subsidized to his mother, so that the married wife can raise her and her children. It can be said that this is the ultimate in not being a human being. Not only is her husband not a human being, but her mother-in-law and that family are not a human being.
Nowadays, it is said: "Women are widowed parenting." I think more than 30 years ago, mothers were already widowed parenting.
She earns her own income for the family, and she is responsible for the child's expenses, and that man probably just decorations!
This is not my slander of her husband, but once he was at home, I asked him to get two dollars, and the school had to pay tuition and miscellaneous fees, but the man picked up the ashtray and smashed it hard at his own child. That was the first time I had asked him to get money, and it was also the last time. I never talked to him again.
In my memory, the most common thing is that he drove his mother crazy silently, it was the cigarette butts he burned on his mother's body, and it was his fist that waved towards him.
It's really fortunate that she finally mustered up the courage to leave that man and stay away from those who had hurt her.
