text | Xueluo Wuchen
In life, many couples may encounter this situation.
I feel that my marriage is pretty good. The two rarely quarrel and have no disagreements with each other. Although the two of them spend most of their time, their relationship with each other is OK.
But unexpectedly, one day I suddenly found out that the other party had betrayed and had betrayed for a long time. Why is this happening to
? No matter what aspect of marriage, there is no problem. You should communicate with each other when quarrels, and you should resolve conflicts in a timely manner. You will never be violent with the other party.
So, the relationship between husband and wife has always been good, why did betrayal happen? It’s just that you didn’t discover the hidden crisis.
Today we will analyze what the problem lies.
01
fell into the trap of betrayal, and the problems existing between husband and wife were not seen
Any extramarital affair occurred is a love disaster. The couple were trapped in the vortex at the same time, and they didn't know how to escape.
At the beginning, many people would lose control of their emotions. Some would make big fuss and throw things, some would quarrel with their partners, and some would get emotionally internalized. They would ask themselves over and over again what they did wrong, and the other party actually chose to have an affair. After
, everyone calmed down and began to think calmly: What problems do I want to solve for marriage? What exactly do I want, whether to divorce or win back a partner?
Some people chose the latter, but they found all their families to help them be lobbyists, and kidnap the other party to return with family affection, and live a peaceful life with themselves. Little do they know that doing so will only make the other party escape further.
Some people are determined to take revenge and can do nothing, but they don’t want to make the other party feel better, or they want to snatch the other party back from a third party.
However, this is not what you really want. You are just the behavior controlled by anger because you are unwilling to give up, making you unable to calm down and think about what you really want.
In fact, betrayal is not the fundamental problem of your relationship, the problems between you must be hidden after betrayal.
For example, each other does not see each other's needs, so they do not satisfy each other. Over time, the relationship between the two people has also changed, but this is not on the surface, so you don’t realize it.
It can be seen from this that many couples who have been betrayed do not know where the marriage problem lies, nor do they know the truth about the relationship between the two.
When encountering betrayal, the first thing to solve is not the third party outside, but reorganizing your marriage relationship.
02
There is no dissatisfaction with marriage, but there are too many risks behind it
Many people think that if there is no dissatisfaction with marriage, does it mean emotional happiness? Actually not necessarily.
Some couples are like this. The two have never had any conflicts and cannot tell any problems, but their satisfaction with each other is particularly low because they cannot tell their shortcomings and cannot tell their advantages.
This shows that couples have no feelings for each other. Although they get married, they often have no expectations for each other. If they don’t expect, there will be no disappointment. Then they will naturally have no dissatisfaction with each other.
But this kind of marriage has no emotional foundation. As long as one of the two people has feelings for other opposite sexes, they will fall into an affair trap.
Then one of the couples is satisfied with the marriage and thinks that they are satisfied with the marriage, so the partner should also be satisfied with the marriage. But the partner feels the opposite, and he does not get much happiness in marriage.
Once a program team found many couples and asked their wives and husbands to rate their marriages separately. It turned out that men were more satisfied with their marriage, and they were given either seven or eight points, and the full score was ten.
, but women score very low, either four or five points, or more than six points, too few too few, this is the deviation of couples' satisfaction with their marriage.
Of course, there are many women who fall into a vicious circle of feeling good about marriage. The reason is that their thinking is different from others. Other girls are sensitive and care more about fluctuations in intimate relationships, but she doesn't care so much about relationships.
For example, there is a woman who has been married to her husband for many years and her children are in junior high school. But one day her husband suddenly proposed to divorce, but she couldn't accept it because she was always very satisfied with the marriage.
But the husband has a lot of dissatisfaction in his marriage. He has not yet passed, but he still cares, just because his wife doesn't take him seriously, the husband will forcefully turn the article.
As a result, as more emotions accumulate, the husband has the idea of divorce.
So, in the final analysis, it is a conflict caused by one party being satisfied with the marriage, but the other party is not satisfied with it.
03
So, how to solve this kind of marriage that looks harmonious on the outside but has many problems inside?
In fact, the ability of a couple to live together means that both of them have made contributions in their marriage and have difficult aspects. However, many people only stand from their own perspective, so there will be differences between husband and wife.
Moreover, the betrayal party is basically selfish. They never consider their own feelings and never take care of their partner's feelings too much. Once they feel uncomfortable in marriage, they will choose to betray and leave their marriage behind.
Seeing that the partner did not get close to him at first, he pushed all the problems on the other party and regarded him as the enemy.
Moreover, when an affair occurs, the communication between husband and wife is no longer on the same plane, one is talking about something, and the other is not sure that the other party understands the meaning of your words.
So, if you want to resolve an extramarital affair, you must improve your marriage sensitivity.
For example, check whether the other party communicates with you smoothly, whether the other party is willing to communicate with you, and whether he is willing to get close to you, these are the keys to prove whether you have feelings for each other.
A small detail reveals too many things, only if the self-awareness has increased, and if the marriage has fluctuated a little, you can feel it.
When you detect the problem in time and communicate with the other party appropriately, your problems will be improved.
When we look at marriage with a new mindset, not only will the marriage become better, but you can also become a better self.
