The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is sometimes like a balance. The two people are on both ends, which seem to be balanced, but in fact, everyone wants to raise each other, have a higher status at home and have a higher voice. In such a game for a long time, it has led to conflicts between the two sides, and they are not giving in to each other, and their relationship has always been in a state of being close but not being close.
Logically speaking, there is no deep hatred between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Both of them are closely linked through their sons and husbands. When the daughter-in-law is in confinement and pregnancy, the mother-in-law will take the initiative to help take care of her. Similarly, the mother-in-law should also do her part in the elderly, but in the end, many problems will arise, such as conflicts between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law when she is taking care of her children. For example, the mother-in-law is rejected by the daughter-in-law when she is in the elderly, the relationship is stopped, and each is in a difficult position. In serious cases, it will even affect the relationship between the husband and wife.
But when the elderly need to rely on their daughter-in-law for retirement, it seems that everything becomes too difficult. Not all daughters-in-law know how to support their mother-in-law, and not all mothers-in-law know how to get along with their daughter-in-law. There is no word filial piety, but some "ugly words" are not explained clearly.
The poor mother-in-law went to her son's house to support her. The daughter-in-law asked for her savings and asked for three things: promise me first and then move
66-year-old Aunt Chen's affairs:
Aunt Chen is 66 years old this year. This age is actually quite old for a person from an ordinary family. Aunt Chen is no exception. She looks gray-haired. Aunt Chen's wife passed away early. The two of them have been busy all their lives and have been working to make money. There is no particularly stable job. When she was young, her wife went out to work. Aunt Chen took care of the children at home and worked in a nearby factory. She lived her whole life. It was not until her son got married and had a stable life that Aunt Chen's wife returned to her hometown from another place to manage her old life with Aunt Chen.
The two of them also set up a snack stall and usually make some snacks to sell at night markets. Although they can't make a lot of money, they have become the happiest period for couples in decades. Working together and going home together, it seems that life in their later years is quite good.
But things are impermanent. When Aunt Chen was 60 years old, his wife died of illness, which made Aunt Chen heartbroken. People who have no support in this life are small families, and life is happy with a wife. But now that his wife has passed away, Aunt Chen has only his son left in this world. People around him advise Aunt Chen not to be sad, and move to the city in the future, live with his son, let his son and daughter-in-law support him, and strive to be an old lady in the city. But every time he faces such a statement, Aunt Chen just smiles and does not answer.
Because she knew in her heart that her son's family was the last helpless choice, and her daughter-in-law was not so kind to her.
All of this has to start with the son’s marriage.
The son is promising, went to college, found a job in the provincial capital, and fell in love, which is now his daughter-in-law. The relationship between the two is quite good, but the family situation of the two families is very different. Aunt Chen's son comes from the village, but his daughter-in-law's family is a good and well-off family. The father is in business and the mother is an employee of a formal unit. Originally, the union of this marriage was opposed by the woman's family at the beginning, and she felt that the family was not suitable for the family, but in the end it was the persistence of the son and daughter-in-law, which led to the subsequent marriage.
But this marriage was not that easy. Because of the difference in family situation, the daughter-in-law's parents at that time needed Aunt Chen to buy a house for her son in the provincial capital. This was a huge expense. It was not enough to take out all the savings in the family to buy a house. But there was no way. For the sake of her son's life, she could only borrow money and raise money. She sold the land at home and owed some money. She then bought the house later, so that the son and daughter-in-law's marriage could continue. Although it was hard, Aunt Chen and her husband never felt tired. They just repeatedly told their son to live a good life and not have conflicts.
Later, my son's life became stable. Aunt Chen and his wife saved up several years of money to pay off all their foreign debts, which stabilized their life. Later, when his daughter-in-law was pregnant, Aunt Chen also took the initiative to move into her son's house and took care of her daughter-in-law with her son. But the situation at that time made Aunt Chen quite embarrassed. Her mother-in-law lived at home, and her arrival was like a guest, or even more like a distant relative. It is obviously my son's home, and the down payment of hundreds of thousands of yuan for this house was made up by my family. It was obvious that the money owed at that time was paid back by my family. But now after moving in, I feel discomfort everywhere and treat it as a guest everywhere, like this, my daughter-in-law and my mother-in-law. I don't let Aunt Chen cook any work at home. I'm all made by my mother-in-law. I'm all rejected if I want to go over and help. The hygiene at home is also done by my mother-in-law, and Aunt Chen can't get involved at all.
just lived in embarrassment until his daughter-in-law was out of confinement. Looking at her little grandson, Aunt Chen also forgot the embarrassment a few days ago. Instead, she felt much more relieved. It was her own grandson, just like her own biological child. She held and cared for her. She secretly decided to treat her grandson well, but the child was her grandson and the grandson of her mother-in-law. When Aunt Chen treated her grandson according to her own experience, her mother-in-law came up to stop her and said that Aunt Chen was wrong, that was not good. Even when she took out the little cotton jacket she had saved for many years for her grandson, she was always by her daughter-in-law when she took out her grandson's little cotton-padded jacket that she had saved for many years. He stopped him with his mother-in-law and said:
"There is such a thick dress, and the child will definitely not look good in the future. Besides, at home, the house is not cold."
Aunt Chen still wanted to struggle and let his grandson wear it when he went out, but his daughter-in-law also stopped him and said:
"There are new clothes prepared, so she can rest assured."
just went through this, and the little cotton jacket became the clothes under the box. Even until now, Aunt Chen has never seen the child wear it.
Later, Aunt Chen decided to live in her son's house for a long time, help her daughter-in-law take care of her children, and take care of her son's daughter-in-law, but because of many living habits and lifestyles in life, she was dissatisfied with her daughter-in-law. The clothes cannot be washed in a mixed manner, and they should be separated. Children's clothes must also be washed by the washing machine. They cannot be washed clean with their hands. They should be less salt and oil when cooking. The dishes and chopsticks at home should be separated. The children's meals should be followed by the recipe. Before holding the baby, they should wash their hands, learn as soon as possible with the child, and raise children in a scientific way...
These things make an old lady from the countryside change and learn? Aunt Chen was disliked by his daughter-in-law at home. In the end, she was "persuaded" by her daughter-in-law after only staying for about half a year. At the beginning, it was still proposed by her daughter-in-law, asking Aunt Chen to go back, so she didn't have to be busy, saying that she and her mother would take care of the child.
Although Aunt Chen was sad, what could she do? After all, my experience is a bit "outdated", and my lifestyle seems "out of place" here.
Just like that, Aunt Chen went home and started his later life with his wife. Until now, Aunt Chen and his wife went to his son's house to live in less than two months. It sounds a bit sad, but it is expected.
This is why after her wife passed away, others persuaded Aunt Chen to go to her son's house to take care of her, but she knew the reason why she "can't go".
The same goes for his later life. Aunt Chen did not choose to be an "old lady in the city", but continued to set up a stall in his hometown and earn some money to spend it by himself. When his wife passed away, she only left Aunt Chen an old house that she had lived for decades, and a deposit of less than 100,000 yuan on her card. However, this money was enough for Aunt Chen. She had less expenses, and she could make a little money to set up a stall, and she lived like this.
Until Aunt Chen was 66 years old, she was in poor health, and had a headache and fever. Her legs and feet were inconvenient, which gradually affected her life. She put away the small cart that had been put on for nearly ten years. Life at home seemed to be getting harder and harder. When she was in good health, she could go out to buy some vegetables, some meat, and make some things herself. Once she had a headache and fever, she couldn't do it. She couldn't even get out of bed. Her son couldn't come back in the provincial capital. The most common person to come to her home every day was her neighbor. In the words of the neighbor:
"I'm afraid that you didn't recover from it at all, and there was not even a person sent to the hospital for rescue."
's chapter was a bit straightforward, but also a little sad.
Taking advantage of the time when his son and daughter-in-law came back with his grandson, the neighbor came to the door and talked about Aunt Chen's physical problems in front of everyone. He even arranged for Aunt Chen's son to take Aunt Chen to recuperate. If he is in good health, he will send it back. If he is in poor health, he will stay in the city to support him. He also accused Aunt Chen's son:
"How old is your mother? You don't know whether she is in good health or not. Is it? When your son was, your father was fine. Now your father is gone. How can your mother live alone at home? You are not tired. I am tired. I have to come to the house every day to see if your mother is still alive. I am afraid that one day I will not get up. No one knows, so hurry up and take over for retirement."
The neighbor's words are in the pain. My son also realized that he wanted to take Aunt Chen for retirement. This time, Aunt Chen did not refuse, but she was still worried, worried about her daughter-in-law's dissatisfaction and her dissatisfaction.
Sure enough, when Aunt Chen was about to move over, his daughter-in-law made a request and said bluntly:
"Since you will retire at home in the future, we also have many things to explain clearly, give us all the deposits, we will keep them for you, so that your life will not be worried, our life can be alleviated, and you have to promise me three things to move: html l3
The first thing is to try not to use your experience or use your lifestyle to influence us when you are at home. We have our own lifestyle and our own living habits. We are decades apart, and there are too many differences. In order to avoid conflicts, I hope we can all not interfere with each other and not blame each other;
The second thing is to see a doctor if you are sick, take medicine if you have medicine, and say it is uncomfortable if you are uncomfortable. Don’t hold it in yourself and endure it. Then the time Your condition is also bad, and it looks very difficult to bear at home. Not only do you feel uncomfortable, but the atmosphere at home has changed. Not only will it affect our emotions, it will also affect the children. No matter when, no matter where the pain is, it should be treated and taken medicine, and don’t always look dead at home. If you lie down every day, tired, and shout that it hurts here, it will definitely affect the mood of the whole family;
The third thing, don’t look for something to do without any trouble, don’t When you are asked to cook, don’t do it randomly. We will make arrangements, either order takeaway, or we make it, or go out to eat together. You don’t have to worry about it at home, and work on a meal by yourself. As a result, we don’t eat when we come back. You feel uncomfortable, we feel uncomfortable, we don’t need any help at home. If you have time, you can rest, go downstairs and watch TV. In short, don’t just do it randomly. I am the hostess at home. I hope that everything at home will be arranged by me, not by you to arrange our lives."
My daughter-in-law's words made Aunt Chen silent for a long time, and then hesitated and said:
"There is not much money at home, and you know the situation of our family. Unlike your family, you don't have much savings. As for the three things you mentioned, I am so old, even if I want to arrange your life, I can't arrange it anymore. I have been busy all my life. From now on, I live with you and do nothing every day, and I feel uncomfortable. "
" But the daughter-in-law said:
" It's just that there is not much money, so I have to give it to us. No matter how much money is, we keep it, you don't have to worry, don't worry, don't worry, you will definitely give you money every month, eat whatever you want, and we don't say much. As for those three things, it's for your sake and also for me. I won't blame you when I'm idle. You don't clean up the mess at home, and I won't blame you. Don't worry, even if you don't wash the dishes after dinner, I won't complain in my heart when I come back from work. But many times, what you call help may not be what I want. "
Aunt Chen didn't say anything anymore, but agreed to the statement of his daughter-in-law. In this way, Aunt Chen moved into her son's house. Her life has just begun. Although she couldn't help but want to do something, it was just a few. She was also afraid that she would make her daughter-in-law angry when she did too much. Aunt Chen said:
"I'm old and have no temper, so I can only be arranged by others. I have been the master of my family for decades. When I get old, I can't even make a decision. It's useless. My son is my own son, and my grandson is my own grandson. This house also has the efforts we made at the beginning, but this family is difficult for me to be my own home. "
The sentence is a bit sad, but this is a fact.
is written at the end:
Aunt Chen's experience has touched many parents and how many helpless the elderly in her old age?
I believe there are many elderly people like her. There are too many people who can only follow their children when they cannot live alone in their later years. If the family's relationship is good from beginning to end and close, the life in their later years will naturally avoid too many conflicts. But if they don't have such a deep relationship with their daughter-in-law and have to obey some of her decisions as the head of the family, they can only accept what they can do.
life alone, the helplessness of living with children, has touched many elderly people, but when we look back When you go to see the three things that Aunt Chen’s daughter-in-law put forward, maybe you can look at them in a different mindset, which is not too much. Instead, it reveals some respect and understanding. When you are old, you must take good care of yourself, don’t interfere in the children’s lifestyle, don’t be busy, keep your body well, and keep a good mood on your own, so that the children can feel more at ease and you can live a more relaxed life. Since it is the best of both worlds, why not do it?
Sometimes old A large part of the reason why people are difficult to live with their children is that they do not do what they should do, and do not play the role they should play. They always want to help the children, always want to take care of their lives, always want to do something, but in the end it is counterproductive. This conversation between Aunt Chen and her daughter-in-law is actually very good. The ugly words are in front of you, so that you can have a clear idea of the future and avoid many conflicts. What do you think?
