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People who have nothing have little desire and don’t have much demand because they have limited access to things, and it may just solve the problem of food and clothing, which is the biggest goal.
I often miss the era when I just graduated and had nothing. Although I had no money, I just had enough money to make enough money and was worry-free. Later, I made some money, my life reached a higher level, and the door of desire was opened. I wanted more things, so I kept busy, so busy that I was so busy that I didn’t dare to stop. I became more and more tired, and I could no longer feel carefree.
Some people say that it is the best state to be inferior to the top and have more than the bottom, and I don’t think so. I think that people who are "not easy to get along" are the ones who live the most painful life, because they dare not slack off for fear of being beaten back to their true colors; they really want to become the best, but they cannot achieve it overnight.
People in this state are prone to fall into a misunderstanding. Occasionally, I feel that I am already very good, so I feel that I am good and worthy of being loved, and others will look at me with admiration. But the result is often failure and disappointment, because in this world, others will never be satisfied with your current situation. If you give him a hundred thousand, he still wants one million, and he will never be satisfied. If you can't give it, he will turn against you and say that you can't satisfy him .
This kind of problem is very common in the marriage world. Some men think they are pretty good, have good people, have savings, and have a decent job. Marrying someone with poor conditions will be looked up to by others. In fact, if you don’t take the time to verify and get married on a whim, the consequences are often regret, hatred and losses.
A reader sent a private message to tell his marriage story, which included the questions mentioned above. Let’s take a look together.
Hello, Hello:
I am divorced, and I hate it now.
My ex-wife and I got married in 2019. After marriage, because of trivial life, disagreement in personality, and conflicts in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, she proposed to separate when we were three months old. Because I work in another place, I don’t have much time to spend with me a year. At first, I felt that I owe her, but later I gradually realized that many of our ideas and cognitions in life are different.
After my ex-wife became pregnant, she became basically indifferent after her confinement period. She refused to let me touch her and was also violent to me. No matter how I contacted her, she ignored her. This state lasted for nearly two years and she didn't even want me to get too much contact with our children. It was not until later that I filed a divorce with me, but it was invalid for me to keep my parents. It was also invalid for me to bring them to reconcile. So, I said that you should think about it for another two months, and if you think it clearly, you should follow your thoughts.
Because the child is just one year old, I am very reluctant to leave. The child has lived in a divorced family since he was a child. His personal growth will be affected and he will be treated differently by the outside world. I think that if a divorced child has to live in a divorced family since he was a child, it feels very pitiful, and I will cry every time I think of it. But the woman's attitude towards divorce was very firm, and her coldness and dislike for me became more and more serious.
I have been away for a long time and don’t know if the woman has cheated on her, but I stick to the principle.
She is an elementary school teacher and I am also a formal staffing worker. I can’t come back frequently due to work reasons, so I am very anxious at work. I can’t accept the divorce and I am almost depressed for half a year. This year, I finally made up my mind to sign an agreement with her in June, signed the cooling-off period 30 days in August, and obtained the divorce certificate at the end of September.
I have never done anything to sorry for her. If I have something I have not done properly, it is because I have been working outside for a long time, I don’t have much companionship, and I can help less at home. She may not be able to accept such a life. She said that such a relationship is only a marriage certificate, so she tried every means to force me to divorce. Until later, the whole family of their parents took my daughter to move, and did not tell me where to move.
Until now I don’t know where my daughter lives. After the divorce started last year, I wanted to visit her. My father-in-law just brought her children out and asked me to watch it in the roadside store for a while, but it didn’t take more than half an hour, and then I would take the children back.
My parents said I was stupid. I handed over half of my monthly salary to my ex-wife. I was thinking about her every day and often sent messages to care for her. I was afraid that she would work hard and tired to take care of her. I would buy whatever she needed to buy, but many things would not be done if she was not around. Since she was pregnant, she has been complaining that her attitude towards me has been getting worse day by day. I went home to visit her and wanted to sit and talk to her and send her to work. Unexpectedly, what I got was her vicious eyes and a swear word, asking me to get out. I even reject and dislike my parents and family.
Maybe I don’t know how to make girls happy, or maybe she can’t accept such a life, which is not what she wants, and some trivial things in life have led to the current results.
Her original family can be said to have protected her from a young age. She gave her whatever she wanted and did not let her suffer grievances. Her father listened to her mother's everything. In their family, she felt that she was the heroine. My family is different. I have a sister. Since I was a child, my sister and I have seen my parents quarrel and fight, which scared us. So when I was very young, I was very worried about the conflicts between parents and secretly vowed to have a harmonious and happy marriage when I grew up, and not to quarrel or fight. So in the past three years of marriage, whenever there are conflicts, I always want to accommodate her, but maybe she has gotten used to it, making her worse and worse, and even rode on my parents and I. There is no respect that younger generations should have for elders .
As for me, I won’t talk about it. After having a child, I don’t care about my life or death. I will only think of me when I use money. Because of this state, every time I go home, even if I run around and run, she will think that all this is justified, thinking in my heart that I owe her, and no matter how much I do, I can't do enough. But I just hope she can give me a positive response and not show off her face violently, but she still does.
If two years of cold violence were a cramp to my skin, then the last straw that defeated me was that their whole family moved without telling me where they went, and her mother also passed on her words, saying that she did not want to see anything about me.
For her, I had a long time when I saw her, even lost myself, and had conflicts with my family. I was confused, in a daze, and felt very tired and tired. I thought that I was working together in the middle and trying hard to protect her, which would bring her understanding and preference. Unexpectedly, she only thought about herself and only cared about their parents' home. Even when she was about to divorce, her mother called me over and scolded me. They never think about it, the person who wants to divorce is their daughter. I always think that everything is their daughter's right and all the mistakes are in me. Seeing such a mother's family, my heart is also cold.
I admit that I have not taken good care of her in this marriage, but I don’t know if every woman wants to rely on the man to do everything after marriage. She is the kind of person who likes to arrange people to do this and that, and she is unwilling to take the initiative. In the eyes of outsiders, she can be said to be the ancestor. To be honest, I was never treated unfairly when I was a child, but whenever I went home, I always worked hard to do whatever she asked me to do, so I felt very frustrated and tired. I even once doubted why marriage was so difficult.
No matter what, I bravely accepted her request. Although it was uncomfortable to think of the child being pitiful, there was nothing I could do. The woman was so heartless, and I gave her more than a year to consider it. She still did her own way, just thinking about how to be happy and comfortable, not considering a complete family for the child, let alone thinking about considering the man.
After experiencing this marriage, I feel that I don’t seem to believe in marriage so much, nor do I believe in sincere and eternal feelings so much. I think modern relationships between men and women are not reliable. The more despicable I am, the more humble I try to please the woman, the more likely it is me who will be hurt in the end.I guess the woman may think it would be too easy to get my goodness, so she would not cherish it.
To this day, we have just been divorced for a month. My psychological construction and emotional transition are still struggling, especially my concern and reluctance to leave my children. I chose to leave the house with nothing, give monthly child support, and visit my children regularly. These can be said to be for the sake of the children. If there were no children, I would not give up like this.
My daughter turns two years old at the end of this year. People say that the child will remember only after he is three years old. I don’t know what to do with the child after divorce, including how to face his daughter if he rebuilds his family in the future. I even reject women a little now. Looking at marriage and romance, I feel that it is more about real material and interests. .
If the teacher sees my message, please write an article for me to analyze and suggest it if you can! grateful!
There may be many people like me, and this is the first time I fell in love and got married, and then I failed. This feeling is very profound.
Before the divorce, my parents said I was stupid and said that the woman had already divorced me, and her parents had long been reluctant to recognize me as their son-in-law. I was still fantasizing about living with her. I may be too simple and don’t take human nature so deeply. To be honest, we got the certificate from July 2019 to September 2019, got pregnant in April 2019, and from July 2019 to April 2019, we had sex only 7 times, and there were no more after that. In this marriage, I couldn't feel the physical satisfaction, emotional satisfaction, psychological satisfaction, or otherwise that the woman could give me. Instead, I was repeatedly complaining, disliked and even rejecting my career, and wanted me to quit my job and return to my family.
I remember the day she got married, her parents told me that her daughter didn’t understand anything, and she told me to teach her more. I agreed at the time, thinking it was just a humble joke. Who would have thought that she didn’t understand anything, but she couldn’t listen to others’ advice, and even used the poisonous chicken soup online to judge her own marriage. We not only have different values, but even have different cognitions, so I can understand it. No matter how painful it hurts, no matter how sad it is, no matter how reluctant it is, I have to grit my teeth and make this decision, otherwise I will never be able to let go of .
I have doubts if she has postpartum depression , and I have doubts if she has changed her mind. She just wants to live with her children, and I have suspected that she has cheated on her. She has already had a lover, and she has a relationship before she got married... It's too tired, hard and messy. Whenever I recall these things in the past, I feel very depressed and uncomfortable. Now I told myself not to think about it, or even to think about anything about her, and I took out all the photos of her.
I can slowly let go of her, but it feels difficult to let go of her daughter, or it is difficult to change her negative mentality towards her in the future. Although I spent less than two months with my daughter, which was during the confinement period, I was a flesh and blood after all, especially when I was working in another place and couldn't go home from time to time.
A few days ago, she asked her to send me a video of a child. She did not reply to the message and did not send videos. The number of visits she visited me in a year was only 6 times.
My current thought is that if I don’t let go of my woman and daughter, I feel it will be difficult for me to talk about another relationship again. For example, if I still think of my daughter in my heart, I will think that if I find a partner again, I feel sorry for my daughter, which seems to be against human ethics. , but it is unlikely to reconcile, divorce is a foregone conclusion. If you don’t get married again, you will be worried that you will be alone for life in the future, and the parents and the elderly will lack care.
, and I have a concern now. This is also what some relatives, friends and elders told me, saying that my daughter is now taking care of me, and whether she will come to me in the future, will she recognize me as a father? It is still a question mark, so I must be mentally prepared. I am worried that even if I go to see my daughter regularly, I may not have any feelings for me in the future, and may even be unwilling to contact me. This means that I will not be able to feel the feeling of having children.
Because the woman has limited 6 visits a year, in a divorced family like this, the daughter will generally be hostile and hate her father. I don’t know if this is the case. I hope the teacher will help me write an article based on my example.
Donglin Xiting Emotional suggestions:
If you are in terms of realm, that reader is higher than his ex-wife's realm, because he has real efforts and will reflect on himself and think from the perspective of others, just longing for reward in his heart. Although his ex-wife also made efforts, she was more about asking for, accusing, complaining, and not thinking from the perspective of others.
has a very clear evidence to prove this: if she thinks from the perspective of others, when she wants to sit down and have a good chat, she will definitely talk to him instead of asking him to get out, and then play with her mother's family and her children to play with her.
I have said more than once in my article that all marriage problems, ultimately, are human problems. If any role in marriage has problems, then if you don’t get into it, don’t listen to advice, and refuse to communicate, your marriage will die in a bad life because this will turn the marriage problem into an absolutely uncontrollable problem .
is like the reader's ex-wife. She is self-centered and her parents obey her orders. She wants her husband's family to revolve around her, but she turns her back if she fails to get her wish. We completely believe that part of the reason she wants to divorce is to take revenge on her family.
The selfishness of her and her family was the root cause of the failure of that marriage. Her mother asked her son-in-law to give in to her at first, and the implication was to tolerate her selfishness. However, a person’s tolerance for others is limited, and no one can achieve tolerance without bottom line.
The reader spent three years to recognize a person. This kind of thing should actually be done before marriage. He fell in love for the first time and got married quickly, which was a bug in itself. Because he had no experience and did not know what kind of person the woman was, he just chose to believe that the marriage would be happy based on his subjective expectations. To put it bluntly, this is just wishful thinking, because whether the marriage between two people is happy does not depend only on one of them’s wishful thinking .
From his position, the ex-wife should hate her. The reason why he hated so much was because he often wondered if it caused a tragedy because he had too little companionship, which made his hatred lack confidence and he could not hate someone happily.
He chose to leave the house with nothing for his daughter. He only thought of his daughter without regrets, but when he thought of his ex-wife, he was uneasy. Especially when he thought that he had tried his best to repair his marriage, his ex-wife wanted to break up the family, and he felt bad after all.
But no matter what, things have happened, regret cannot change anything, but will drag yourself into the quagmire of anxiety.
He can't rest assured that his daughter is normal, after all, it is his own flesh and blood. However, what I want to say about his future concerns is that we will leave the matters after until later! What you have to do now is to live a good life. If you want to compensate your daughter in the future, you can save some capital for future compensation now. What will happen? Then you will know .
We always want life to be happy, but life is always unhappy. We always want to be foolproof and seamless, but it is impossible. We always want to eliminate our worries in one step, but worries will never disappear and will only fade over time.
In life, there are both long-term thoughts and immediate worries. If we just live in fear, our long-term concerns and immediate worries will never disappear, and we will accumulate more and more. This is a trap of life. If we want to break out of this trap, what we need to do is to turn nothingness into concreteness. When you know what you should do, fulfillment will naturally replace nothingness .
I know it is difficult to execute these principles, but other than that, can you think of an easy way? If you can't think of it, don't worry about it or not. If you don't do it, it will never be difficult. No one can easily make the years peaceful, and they are all exchanged for suffering.
