What is perfect love?
is the evenly matched relationship between Zhao Paner and Gu Qianfan in " Menghualu " and they support each other;
is the mutual trust between Sun Jiadong and Wei Suping in " Meritorious Service ", which is ordinary;
is the relationship between " I am in a foreign land and it is good " "" Qiao Xichen and Jian Yifan rush to each other in both directions, and they fall in love with each other over time...
A love can be plain, strong, happy, or sad. It is always sweet at the beginning. As the time two people spend together increases, the relationship may gradually fade away. They may go from talking about everything to having nothing to say.
All that's left is "Have you eaten yet?", "I'm home", "Go to bed early", "I know"... There are obviously a lot of things that I want to say, but I can't say them; I obviously still care about the other person, but there is no topic. It can be provoked; even though they know it shouldn't be done, no one breaks the situation.
" What happened between us? "
Why do lovers reach the point where they have nothing to say?
American psychologist Sternberg pointed out in the "Triarchy of Love": The three elements of love are passion (intoxication and sexual excitement), intimacy (feeling understood and close to the loved one) and commitment (long-term Loyalty) , different combinations of three elements form different types of love.
Couples who have nothing to say can be divided into two situations. One is that two people are speechless but very comfortable when getting along; the other is that two people feel that they should say something but it seems that they have already said all they have to say.
If it is the former, then congratulations, this is what love should be like. Although the two people stayed together and neither spoke much, each doing their own thing, the atmosphere between the two people was comfortable and warm.
If it's the latter, then you should stay alert. Maybe your love is in a crisis stage.
People often say that love has a shelf life, and love will eventually turn into family affection; some people also ask, when lovers have nothing to say, does it mean that love has come to an end?
Regardless of the above situation, people seem to equate love with passion.
The sweetness and heartbeat in the early stages of love are full of desire to share. Every date will make your heart beat faster. Every time you are intimate, you will blush and be full of expectation. This is the unique taste of love.
However, as the time they spend together increases, the novelty between the two people will gradually decrease, the secretion of hormones will decrease, and the passion will burn out. However, intimacy and commitment will not be established between the two. In this way, this intimate relationship will It will look awkward.
is like Jay Chou sang in " Advertising Balloon ":
My dear, I fell in love with you from that day on.
Sweetness is very easy.
My dear, don't let your eyes be willful.
is saying that I am willing.
My dear, I have fallen in love with you. Love diary
Memories of perfume
A whole bottle of dreams all about you
Stir together
The early stages of love are always sweet. When the passion subsides, both parties in love should establish intimacy and commitment that belong to you.
Intimacy includes characteristics such as enthusiasm, understanding, communication, support and sharing. It is a stable state in which three views are in harmony.
Commitment includes the decision to devote oneself to a relationship and the efforts to maintain the relationship. Commitment has certain rational elements, like marriage, which is a commitment to love.
In nature, commitment is primarily cognitive, intimacy is emotional, and passion is motivational. In contrast to the "heat" of a love relationship that comes from passion and the warmth that comes from intimacy, commitment reflects a decision that is not emotional at all.
In short, a stable and long-term love, apart from the initial sexual attraction, should be about mutual appreciation, mutual support and mutual growth.
Eason Chan has a song called " Steady Happiness ". I believe this is the love that many people yearn for:
One day I started to feel happiness from ordinary days
I saw the clear distance
The happiness I want
I want stability Stable happiness
Can withstand the cruelty of the doomsday
In the restless night
Have a destination
I want stable happiness
Can touch it with both hands
Every time I reach out into my arms
I have your warmth
So what should we do? How to avoid or get through this emotionally awkward period of having nothing to say?
1.Effective and in-depth communication
Perhaps when you are in love, you have learned about each other's interests and hobbies, childhood experiences, and even the degree of cooked steak...
But in-depth understanding does not mean knowing the other person's preferences. , requires both lovers to be able to explore each other's inner thoughts, which is what we often call understanding the "three views".
can be discussed through some social topics; it can also be discussed through questions and answers. It can be a reflection after watching a movie; it can be a communication during a walk; it can also be a discussion during a meal.
For example, the famous "Proust Questionnaire" is a good way to understand whether the other party's three views are consistent with your own.
2.Same interests and hobbies
Having the same interests and hobbies between lovers will add a preservative to your emotional life.
If you like the same singer, go to his concert together; if you like the same writer, share your reading experience with each other; if you like the same type of movie; if you like the same game...
These are all ways to enhance the relationship between lovers. effective way.
Some people may ask, we really have no common hobbies. What I like, he doesn’t like, and what he likes, I am not interested in. It is difficult to reach a consensus.
In fact, the same interests of are essentially the same as . For example, you like to watch movies and he likes to play games. You two are in the same room. I watch my movie and he plays his games, but there will be communication and eye contact between the two. This is also a kind of relationship. Same pace.
3. Planning a common future
When love reaches a certain stage, we will inevitably face a question: What will our future be like?
"We want to have a home of our own."
"We want to develop together in a certain city."
"We want to raise a pet together."
"We want to get married"
... ...
Whether it is a love that comes naturally or a love that has twists and turns, in the end it leaves behind the longing for the future.
Plan the future together, put him/her in your planning list, use time and love to water these longings, and your relationship will blossom and bear fruit.
A love is not only about passion, but also requires intimacy and commitment; a stable happiness requires the joint efforts of both lovers . When love becomes speechless, you might as well try the above methods to add a color to love!
