Do you think that any marriage that does not last to the end is a failure? If this is the case, some people say that living to 100 years old is a complete life. Do you agree? Facts have proved that there are many people who have not lived to be 100 years old, so are their lives incomplete? The answer is yes or no.
In the same way, a marriage is successful no matter how long it lasts, as long as it can be healed in that marriage and each other can become what they should be in that marriage.
To legally determine whether a marriage can continue, the judge needs to determine whether the relationship between two people has really broken down. The so-called relationship breakdown means that two people can no longer change each other in marriage and cannot make progress in their married life. Both parties hold their own opinions and do not give each other room to make concessions. In the end, it can only end in divorce.
1.
Some people can accept the death of their partner, but they cannot accept the departure of their partner. Because when a person dies, it means that he will never return to the world again, and he is gone forever. This is understandable.
And when a person leaves you and no longer chooses to be with you, you will have a twisted idea: Maybe, we may still be together.
Aidan is a 34-year-old lawyer who has been successful in every aspect except his marriage. He and his wife have been divorced for two years. He has been trying to be friends with his ex-wife. When they get along well, he will always say: Look! I said we should be together. And her wife would say: Why can't you accept the fact that we are divorced.
Actually, this is very painful for Aidan, who always lives in hope. The truth is that as long as Aidan doesn't acknowledge his loss - the divorce - he can't heal.
Only by accepting the truth can he heal from his pain.
Aidan should have some positive thoughts, such as: Life will definitely get on the right track, including my marriage. Divorce does not make me lose my ability to love and be loved. Some people can stay with me for a lifetime, while some people can only stay with me for a while.
二,
Maybe some people can get out of the haze of divorce soon, but some people are still unable to take a new step.
If the divorce is caused by the backlash of one party, the pain caused to the other party will be more difficult to heal. It can be said that betrayal is a lifelong pain for some people. Even though they are divorced, whenever they think of the other party's betrayal, they feel itching with hatred. Because betrayal means that the other party dislikes you, it will easily lead to many negative thoughts, such as: Am I not worthy of being loved, am I unlovable, am I unlovable and unsexy.
Betrayal causes us to forget ourselves and our true self-worth.
Daisy and Cliff have been married for five years. In Daisy's subconscious mind, if one day their couple's sexual life is not harmonious, it will definitely be her own fault, because she knows very well that her sexual desire has not been the same in recent years. Very strong. However, what surprised her was that one night it was her husband Cliff who refused to live as a couple.
As a result, Daisy had a lot of negative thoughts. She felt very guilty, wondering if she was no longer attractive.
Therefore, Daisy began to dress herself up carefully and tried many ways to improve her skills, but her husband Cliff was still not interested in her, or even less interested in her. Daisy begins to wonder if Cliff has betrayed her. In her hysterical roar, Cliff finally admitted what happened between him and the female secretary. Eventually, they divorced.
Daisy found herself trapped in the pain of betrayal and unable to extricate herself. What made her very angry was how could Cliff let me go to the gym to get in shape for him while he was admiring other people's bodies? Asking me to dress him up every day makes me feel that I am not good enough and makes me sympathize with him because he is under too much pressure at work.
At this time, Daisy blamed herself very much. She felt that she was very stupid. She felt stupid that as long as she became more beautiful, they would still be a loving couple. She felt stupid that she lived for him and worried about him.
It is still very important for Daisy to realize this.It's just that now she has to change her mind and stop focusing on her husband's betrayal of her. This has already passed. Although it is indeed difficult to do, it is well worth thinking some positive thoughts.
For example, no matter what Cliff did, we loved each other after all; during my marriage with him, I once wronged myself to accommodate the other party, and I made a lot of efforts to restore our relationship, and I tried my best. I should forgive myself and let myself get over the things that hurt me.
When we let go of our obsessions and be ourselves, we will no longer be sad about everything that happens in life.
三,
After a divorce, it is normal to look for the reasons and want to know who is right and who is wrong. However, no matter who is right or wrong in a divorce, both people lose and the family loses. Our family is gone, does it matter who is right and who is wrong?
After a divorce, many people will hold a grudge against the other person. If the divorce is caused by the intervention of a third party, the third party will be hated to the core. This is why some people can't get over the pain of divorce. You have to know, how can a person who always pretends to hate in his heart live a good life?
Therefore, the first step to heal the pain of divorce is to forgive. Forgive all related people and things. Forgiving others is also letting yourself go.
The second step is to introspect and look for the reasons why you are willing to forgive.
As you heal from the pain of divorce, you must take responsibility for your own life. In order to truly heal and allow the pain to heal itself, you cannot think of yourself as a victim. Everything that happens in your marriage that is wrong or wrong, you are part of it. Therefore, you also have to bear part of the responsibility. Even though some things are not your responsibility and have nothing to do with you, you still have to be generous, even if these things are here to save you and give you insights.
Pain allows you to mourn all losses. When you can accept everything that has happened, you will find that pain can also update, rebuild, and transform yourself.
What kind of person do you want to be after divorce. Don't let others and your past interfere with who you are now. You now have the opportunity to create a new you and live the life you want. This is a new chapter for you, take the opportunity to start fresh.
Don’t think it’s too late to start over. As long as you are still alive, it is never too late to do anything.
You can think of divorce as a stage in your life. It can be good or bad; you can also see it as a tragedy or a growth. All marriages are successful, no matter how long they last. No one can control your future, only you can control your future.
Only when you see that your future is happy will you get better. As long as you let go of your ex's past, learn to forgive, and put your children first, you can see happiness in the future.
Divorce is an ending, but it is also a beginning. remember. If you sow melons, you will reap melons, if you sow beans, you will reap beans. Whatever you focus on will grow.
To digress, many people, especially men, will find reasons for their betrayal and cheating. Some say that their wives cannot dress up and are not sexy, some say that their wives have a bad temper, and some say that their wives cannot work at work. Giving assistance, etc., there are many reasons anyway, but I never look for reasons from myself.
What I want to tell the betrayers is that please stop putting gold on your own face. There is only one reason for betrayal, and that is personal character issues, which has nothing to do with any other reasons.
The next article will explain to you how to heal the pain of losing a loved one
