Today I share with you:
Native Family and Intimate Relationship (Part 2)
Fourth, influenced by the original family, the dislocation of male and female energy.
Someone once said that if you love a woman, a man needs to leave his parents and be loyal to his wife, so that the husband and wife will become a community of shared destiny.
So, for the love between partners, we must give up the most primitive and closest dependence on our father and mother. Only after a man has escaped his emotional attachment to his mother can he devote himself to intimate relationships and become an independent man. A woman must also get rid of her former attachment to her father in order to give herself to her partner intact and become a mature woman.
Therefore, a partner needs to give up his love for parents of the opposite sex. This kind of giving up does not make you hate, but makes you more inclined to stand on the side of your parents of the same sex.
Men need to give up getting close to their mother and get closer to their father. Women need to give up getting close to their father and move closer to their mother. This does not mean that we do not accept our parents, but that in our inner energy, we need to connect with our same-sex parents more. But for love, of course you can love both of them at the same time.
Fifth, in marriage or partnership, the chaos of order and boundaries.
In close relationships, we still need to pay attention to the order and boundaries. We need to understand that new or existing families are preferred over native families.
All conflicts are caused by problems with the order position. The order position represents the power structure and represents the priority of power. Once out of order, we need to rearrange the order of this family.
First, determine the new system.
new system contains husband/wife, child, and then the old system. So, if two families live together, the priority should be: Husband/wife, child, father-in-law/mother-in-law.
We can see that the arrangement of these two order bits is completely different. In the second order, the husband and wife must become the dominant person in the family, that is, the person with the most say. All major decisions require them to make. At the same time, husband-wife relationships should also be given priority over parent-child relationships.
Sixth, the effort and collection in a relationship cannot be balanced.
In an intimate relationship, in order to achieve balance, we need to adjust the relationship between paying and charging. The easiest way is when the other party does something for you, you need to do more for him, or you give him a lot of recognition, thanks and praise, which is also a kind of dedication.
Most likely to have an imbalance between giving and collecting in relationships:
The first situation is that some people just want to collect continuously, but are unwilling to give, and even are unwilling to give recognition, praise and gratitude. Of course the other party will feel angry.
The second type is that The other party hurts you deeply, but his partner is not willing to punish him. If there is no punishment, it is equivalent to a person who has not made any mistakes, has authority and a sense of moral justice, always grasping this handle, feeling that he is on a moral high ground. At this moment, the balance will be broken, so the corresponding "harm" is needed to go back, but it is a little less than what he gives you. Because we need to make him pay the price, he will feel that this matter is over. Only in this way can the two people continue to move forward from a new starting point.
7, every relationship actually needs to be respected.
First of all, we need to identify with our partner’s previous partner, respect him and respect the experiences they have had.
Secondly, every relationship needs to be completed.
You need to complete your relationship with your ex in your heart, otherwise you will always have some energy in your inner self and your first love, the previous part, the ex-wife or the ex-husband. Your current partner cannot receive your complete energy. He will have a lot of anger inside and your relationship will become cold.
"Reconciliation with Life"
Author: Lu Yiling
