Text | Zhu Shenyong When a man tells you that he is ready to return to the family, wives should not rush to forgive or completely let down their guard, because this stage is easily a time for men to wait and see your attitude. If wives do not have corresponding strategies or prec

text | Zhu Shenyong

When a man tells you that he is ready to return to the family, wives should not rush to forgive or completely put down their guard, because this stage is easily a time when men wait and see your attitude. If wives do not have corresponding strategies or precautions, He would secretly plan to appease his wife first, and then continue his relationship with Xiaolu.

After my husband returns, the next reconstruction stage is very important. I have summarized 3 steps.

First, don’t rush to read and forgive.

Many wives, after experiencing men’s extramarital affairs, are eager to rebuild the old relationship and quickly feel loved and cherished by their husbands. The husband also wanted to change the story and shut up about the extramarital affair in the past.

If extramarital affairs and a series of traumatic events are put aside and not dealt with, and quickly plunge into a new life, it will bring many hidden dangers to both husband and wife.

1, the wife forgives too quickly and the husband is not punished. The cost of deviance is low, and the probability of having extramarital affairs in the future is high.

2 Secondly, the original problems in the marriage have not been solved, the satisfaction of the marriage will still not be very high, and both parties still have deficiencies and risks.

3, the wife’s trauma has not been healed, and it is difficult for her to open her heart and re-accept her husband. Some heart knots that have not been opened will affect the subsequent intimacy between the couple.

Therefore, after a man returns, the wife must first be cognitively aware of the sequelae of rapid turnover. She should not rush to forgive and rebuild. She needs to heal first and then rebuild.

Second, when trauma occurs, heal first.

The greatest harm caused to the wife by an extramarital affair is being denied. She will doubt her past relationships, doubt her own charm and value, dare not trust her husband anymore, and will also be suspicious and worried about his relapse.

1. The wife needs to clearly tell her husband about her current status and the stage of marriage: the process of healing trauma and accepting her husband's return. And told her husband:

This process is very challenging and difficult for him, and he needs his husband to help his wife get through it together.

allows the husband to clearly understand that his wife’s subsequent emotional reactions are not revenge and torture, but a need for help, and clearly understand the current stage of the marriage.

2. Tell your wife about your traumatic experience. Let the husband know his wife's pain points. Know what kind of hurt your wife has suffered and what kind of pain she is going through.

3. The wife clearly tells her husband what actions he should take to relieve and heal himself.

For example, listen carefully, communicate with an open heart, comfort appropriately, take warm and positive actions, take the initiative to care and pay attention, what can you do to alleviate your wife’s depression, and what can you do to help your wife slowly let go of her anxiety and uneasiness .

gives the husband detailed instructions and directions, so that the husband clearly knows what actions he should take.

Third, rebuild order and trust and upgrade the marriage iteratively.

Trust reconstruction is also a major task after the return. During an extramarital affair, a man will tell many lies to avoid his wife's questioning. After returning home, it is difficult for the wife to judge whether the husband is still lying. Even if the husband stops lying, it will be difficult for the wife to believe it.

At this time, the wife needs to make clear requests to her husband and help rebuild trust through the husband's actual actions: for example, explicitly requesting the husband to disclose his mobile phone, finances, whereabouts, etc.

In addition, the occurrence of extramarital affairs is mainly caused by men's greed and luck. On the other hand, it also reflects the shortcomings and problems of marriage itself. After returning to the family, it is also an important task to find the problems that existed in the previous marriage and solve them together to iteratively upgrade the marriage and improve marital satisfaction.

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