Sister Ye Zi:
I am a young man in 1992. I have been in the company for a few years and have been single.
Last month, my deputy director J suddenly wanted to ask me if I had a partner. I told him truthfully that he did not, so he arranged to introduce me.
J Deputy Director has always treated me well. He has always been in charge of me since I joined the unit. Everyone has a harmonious relationship and he has also won me some opportunities. I love and be grateful to him.
I thought at that time that with J's social status and circle, the object he introduced would definitely not be bad, so I agreed.
J Deputy Director told me that this girl named X is "granny, understanding, and good at work" and is a teacher in his wife's unit.
His wife is the vice principal of an public school . She introduces the young teachers in the school, temporary staff, and there is no staffing.
After the arrangement of Deputy Director J and his wife, I chatted with X on WeChat for two days and made an appointment in a Western restaurant in a shopping mall.
X I was disappointed when I came. She was not tall and had an ordinary appearance. All of this was done. What I couldn't accept the most was that X has a strong personality and looked very controlful.
When she ordered the dishes, she didn't ask me what I wanted to eat. She even ordered my dishes, and I didn't even have the choice at all. And no matter what I said throughout the whole process, she was snatching and defining the words. The process of getting along made me feel very frustrated and uncomfortable.
After dinner, I thought about forgetting it. X is really not the type I want to look for.
First of all, I have a staff member at least. The temporary teacher does not meet my requirements for choosing a spouse, and I don’t think my family will agree.
And, I prefer the kind of cute girls who are gentle and lovely and dependent on others, rather than the kind of virtuous sister like X. As a man, I hate being controlled by women. Those who are restrained are not as good as single.
Since it is not suitable, then don’t get along with each other. But the problem is, X obviously has a crush on me.
Not long after the meal that day, X frequently interacted with me on WeChat, and sent emoticons from time to time. He also said that a cartoon she particularly wanted to watch was released, and asked me to accompany her to watch. No matter how stupid I am, I understand what it means.
J Deputy Director also came to ask me how I felt about X. Seeing that I didn’t agree, he suggested that I continue:
"I think you two are very compatible, and I secretly told you that X’s family is in good condition, with a lot of shops and houses, and also drive an BMW car. If you two really can be together, your life will definitely be good in the future!"
I guess that X and Deputy Director J’s family have a private relationship, otherwise they would not know the situation of her family so much, and there is no need to worry about the introduction.
But for me, it doesn’t matter whether I have money at home. What’s important is that I really don’t like X’s personality!
If I force myself to be with her, I will definitely regret it in the future. And I can't be nice to her, isn't this harmful to her?
How do I refuse now so that I can not offend Deputy Director J and turn the story of X? Ask for advice!
Ye Zijun's answer:
In today's era, there are really not many boys like you who are determined to find suitable for you and who like you. So, I'll give you a thumbs up first.
For your question, I would like to give you a few points of my opinion.
1. Since it is a polite rejection, you must not tell the truth.
X makes you unacceptable. The most real reason is that she has a strong personality and is not pleasing, and you hate being controlled. You can know this clearly. Don’t tell Deputy Director J or other colleagues.
For a girl, the most shameful and humiliating thing is not being rejected, but being criticized after being rejected.
What kind of personality is strong, not pretty enough, and not good at work. These negative comments are very harmful to self-esteem and will also make the introducer lose face.
It’s fine if you want to talk about your usual blind date partner. This time the introducer is your leader in charge. This matter is very important, so you must not do it casually.
2. What reasons for rejection are more appropriate than the truth?
I have thought of a few things for you and tailored them according to your situation:
1. Your conditions are so good, I feel a little inferior in front of you and I can't deserve you. I'm really sorry, we may not be suitable.
(But what if the other party says "I don't mind" and continue to pester it? ~ Be prepared for the next step)
2. I have been busy with work recently and often need to work overtime. I'm sorry, I may not have time to make an appointment to play together.
("Busy" means "you don't matter" in the social password of adults. Those who understand will naturally understand it and will give up)
3. I think our growth experience is different. We cannot maintain the same views on many things. There may be more conflicts after we are together, so it is better to be friends.
(When you politely decline this, please find some examples to confirm it. For example, in a certain matter, her opinion is A, and you are B, to prove that your values are inconsistent)
4. Sorry, you are very good, really good, but you are not my ideal partner. I may not be excellent enough and cannot meet your requirements. I sincerely wish you a more suitable partner!
(Before refusal, praise the other party, and raise it high, making people feel more respectful)
Note that feelings are the business of both parties. If you want to reject X, go directly to explain to X first, and the two of them open the skylight and say something bright.
After you two parties understand, you will inform and thank Deputy Director J:
"I am still not suitable for X, and we have already made it understand each other. Thank you very much for your concern for my personal problems."
3. Never think that "the best thing to refuse is to let the other party reject you."
Ye Zijun secretly said, actually when the protagonist came to ask me, he also told me the bad idea his brother gave him, which Ye Zijun firmly denied.
How did his good brother come up with the bad idea? ——Don’t refuse, don’t deny, act absent-minded and careless.
from time to time, and I will talk about overtime, on business trips, and I will not meet X for a long time. After a long time, X will naturally feel bored, and retreat and take the initiative to break up.
asked me to say that this approach seems to not refuse directly, and he gave face to X and introducer J, but in fact it is the most hurtful one and wasted everyone's time, which is very immoral.
For X, I thought you were interested, and she was affectionate, and she was sincere to get along with you, but I didn’t expect that you were clearly perfunctory and indifferent, without any respect.
If X only reacts in the end, you don’t like her at all, but you just can’t bear to refuse under pressure. This kind of blow of late consciousness is much greater than that you have directly refused from the beginning.
Moreover, it wasted time and sincerity of both parties, which was really unwise.
No matter who introduced it, the other party is right, and he should not mess around in any case.
4. Should I accept the object introduced by the leader? This is a metaphysics.
Someone may ask, should the person introduced by the leader refuse as soon as he comes up?
I want me to say, it is really a metaphysics.
First of all, the leader is the leader after all, and the circle is there. The blind date partner introduced to you is definitely much better than if you encounter one randomly.
Of course, this is just a common probability issue. It is not ruled out that leaders will also introduce the possibility of garbage objects. There are all kinds of birds in the forest.
If you are an older young man who is eager to solve the problem of being single and has few resources around you, you might as well accept it first when you encounter such enthusiasm. It is important to resolve the main contradiction.
If you are Buddhist and don’t want to cause trouble, then you will politely reject the leader from the beginning, saying that you are not in a hurry and the leader won’t think too much.
Secondly, it doesn’t matter if you don’t succeed. There is no need to bear a heavy ideological burden. It’s just introducing the object, not a marriage arrangement.
As an elder, the leader may introduce multiple young people to their targets. It is best to succeed. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t succeed. He wants to have fun, but he is idle anyway.
As the party involved, don’t bear a heavy burden on your thoughts because of this. It’s just a good thing for other leaders, and they really don’t care so much.
As long as you don’t embarrass and hurt others (such as belittle the other party to a mess, step on two boats, etc.), such insignificant trivial matters will soon be overturned and will not affect the work at all.
(Original article by Ye Zijun, plagiarism will be prosecuted)
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I am Ye Zijun. I have been working hard in the system for more than ten years, and I have been steadily speaking about my workplace experience and honestly teaching you to avoid pitfalls. Follow me and let you grow faster!
