asked: I work as a piano teacher in a private school and my income ranges from 6,000 to 6,000. He works as an English teacher in a public university and his income ranges from 7,000 to 8,000.
His job is very good and stable, just like 's career in preparing .
He was with me. His parents didn’t agree at first, but he was very determined. After half a year, his parents finally recognized us and took me home.
I also often do housework, so his mother also likes me very much.
Nothing can stop us from being together now, but when I mention getting married, he gets very irritated. He always says that he is under pressure and doesn’t know if he can afford a family.
When he thought about us getting married and having children and not earning enough money to support the children, he flinched. He just wanted to keep the status quo and it was fine.
We are living together now, and his parents have also met my mother.
His parents listened to him. Maybe they thought their son didn't want to get married, so they didn't force him, but my mother was very worried about our affairs.
I am a very conscientious girl, and I have never lived with any boy before falling in love with him.
I am 27 years old and he is 28 years old. We have been arguing about this for a month.
During the period, I said we should break up several times. He agreed to break up at one point, but then he got me back and said he would get married otherwise.
After the reconciliation, he would ask why he had to get married?
This makes me feel like I'm pushing him.
I really don’t know what to do now. Can we both go on? How to solve this matter?
Answer:
Dear hello, first of all we still need to make a conclusion about your wish, that is:
If you are not ready for a "protracted war", has no intention of spending a lot of time and energy on psychological construction. , Then it may be difficult for your relationship to continue.
I’m not sure about your wishes at the moment. Your mother is very anxious about getting married, but you didn’t state your wishes in the letter.
I hope you can clarify your own thoughts. Are you anxious because of your family's wishes, or are you really anxious?
Regarding your question, must first understand what the core of the other party's behavior pattern represents.
When the other party faces the question of "marriage", he always answers
"There is pressure", "Can you afford a family", "Why do you have to get married?"...
The subtext of this expression is ： "I don't want to get married at least now, and I'm not optimistic about our future after getting married now."
So you can completely understand that when he is with you, he has no intention of getting married, and he has not established a romantic relationship with you as a result of getting married.
As for whether it will change in the future, no one can say for sure, but at least for now, it is certain that he only wants to fall in love and not get married.
In addition, you need to consider another issue, that is, living together .
I once said that you must be very cautious about cohabitation, and it is best to live together when both parties have the intention to get married.
It can even be said that it is good for you to live together after you get engaged.
When there is no idea of marriage at all, especially when the man has not expressed any idea about marriage, cohabitation is used as a way to "enhance feelings", and women will become very passive.
The reason why the other party can currently say "Why do we have to get married?" is because your cohabitation life has allowed him to obtain all the rights and interests that can be obtained in marriage.
But in terms of obligations or responsibilities, it can be said that there are almost none. So why should he find himself a bunch of responsibilities and obligations through marriage that he does not need to bear in the first place?
After all, there is a very big essential difference between love and marriage in terms of responsibilities.
But it can be said that cohabitation does not require the husband's obligations, but it can get all the rights and interests of the husband. There is nothing better than this.
Through the above content, you should understand that if you are anxious to get married soon, it may be difficult to realize this wish.
Of course, it is not impossible to solve it. You can still force the other party to marry you by fighting to the death , or "breaking up" as you said in your letter. This is the only way.
But this method has great disadvantages because he is forced.
Then whenever something goes wrong after your marriage, he will blame it on you. Are you sure you can really bear it?
If the other party is not forced to succeed, then it is recommended that you don't be persuaded to go back by the other party again, because you have already seen the consequences of the other party trying to save you in the future.
All in all, if the other party in this relationship has no intention at all, then it is recommended to separate, so that you have more opportunities to find someone who is more suitable for you.
- THE END -
In relationships, what is most afraid of is the illusion that "the future is long".
made an appointment to go to a movie, but the movie was canceled and didn’t go;
made an appointment to go on a trip, but the long vacation was over and didn’t go;
made an appointment to get engaged next year, but it didn’t happen until the third year.
It is no exaggeration to say that whether it is as small as a date or as big as a wedding, many feelings are boiled in the warm water of "The future is long" , boils the feelings away.
So you need to create some sense of urgency from time to time, and even set a deadline, let men understand that your relationship is in a state of flux , many things are expired and will not wait .
In product design, this is called scarcity -
Any commercial marketing strategy must also be based on the law of scarcity: whether it is a discount or a limited time, good products will not wait for you forever.
If you want a man to recognize you and are afraid that you will leave, you must learn to retract and release freely .
"I have to go home at 10:30 tonight~ If you want to watch a play, you have to buy tickets in advance."
"I only have 5 days of annual leave this year. This time I won't have time to travel with you without the end of the year."
" This movie will be canceled if I don’t watch it. A colleague asked me to do it. If you are not free, I will accept it. "
People have a mentality called "fear of loss, aversion to loss" .
Sometimes if you be more "ruthless", the other party will be concerned about gains and losses..
Men are the substitutes, and the main force is yourself. You must continue to create your scarcity .
In relationships, the more insecure a man is, the more secure we feel , makes men feel that you are rare, and if they miss you, there will be no better woman.
He will definitely give his all to be good to you! takes advantage of human nature.
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But please note that the methods cannot be used casually. Some need to be classified into types and operated in sequence according to the actual situation. You can follow me to learn love knowledge together! ! !
