Many people speak according to routines to complete their daily work and life, which does save effort, but also creates a barrier to communication. Just like in " Besieged City ", Fang Hongjian is confused and will not write to tell his father, because he knows what tone his father will reply, there is no need to travel thousands of miles to attract criticism.
Author｜Yan Han
Editor｜Jiang Fangyi
This article was first published in the 420th issue of "Time Post"
" Water Margin " There is a "bloody incident" caused by someone not being listened to. Jiangzhou At the restaurant, Li Kui suddenly pointed a singing girl with two fingers. The reason was that she suddenly came over to sing, making him unable to show off "the affairs of many heroes in his heart." Song Jiang, Dai Zong and others did not listen to him. Li Kui was very angry, but he didn't want to blame them, so he blew his anger on the weak singer. The consequences of not listening to others' words were very serious. The singer was injured and Song Jiang paid 20 taels of silver to her parents.
Some people are careless when listening to other people's conversations, or even pretend to listen. No matter what others say, they are like robots that set up programs, replying to your fixed answers. Such people are certainly annoying.
In fact, even if an actor acts, he cannot just recite his own lines. Actor Shun Oguri mentioned in the interview that a director asked an actor to listen to other actors and respond immediately when acting in a stage play, so that it would be more natural and not like being "acted". If you just pretend to listen and recite your own lines, the actor's reaction will be unnatural. After he tried it, he found that it was indeed the case. The director can tell whether it is a natural reaction at a glance, and the audience can easily tell that everyone hates "fake" things.
Many people speak according to routines to complete their daily work and life, which does save effort, but also creates a barrier to communication. Just like Fang Hongjian was confused in "The Siege" and did not write a letter to tell his father, because he knew what tone his father would reply, there was no need to travel thousands of miles to attract criticism.
Listening is a habit that needs to be developed. "Homes of Highly Effective People in " mentioned in "Highly Effective People" that the development of habits requires a combination of knowledge, skills and willingness.
A man has a cold relationship with his family and colleagues because he is only interested in talking and is unwilling to listen. How should he change? First of all, he must have a correct understanding. He must listen. He should not look around when his family speaks, and talk about him. Secondly, he must also know how to listen, learn the skills of listening to others, lean forward when talking, look warm, pay attention to the other person's eyes, empathize with the other person, and use this to hear the other person's desires, problems, difficulties and obstacles; in addition, he needs to be "willing" to listen and treat other people's confidants with a positive attitude.
communication expert Lil Lunz told a story about listening in "You can get along with anyone". Sidney is a favorite supervisor. Every time she listens to the employee's report at a meeting, she will face the person talking, and nod her head and chest while listening, and will give feedback from time to time, saying, "This idea is very interesting", "We really have to consider your proposal", etc. If she is talking to two people at the same time, she will slightly adjust the direction of her upper body, sometimes facing one of them, sometimes facing the other. Her team is very loyal.
Sidney was not a good listener when he was a teenager. Once, her father, who is a lighting designer for the theater , asked her to play a game: imagine a big flashlight shooting out of her chest, and no matter who she talks to, she must turn the "flashlight" towards the other party. Sidney found that people's reactions were very different when he spoke in such a posture, and seemed to be illuminated by the "flashlight" in her heart. From then on, she developed the habit of subconsciously turning the "flashlight" towards everyone who talks to her, and this habit will benefit her for life.
is more precious than being able to listen. Use the "flashlight" in your heart to illuminate others and yourself.
preliminary review｜Binsisi
review｜Li Ling
final review｜Huang Fei
