Hello everyone, I am family education instructor Guoma~
Are you virtuous?
I always thought that "virtuous" praise people. After all, in ancient times, there were too many words and sentences to praise a woman's virtue.
For example: Advocate diligence and thrift, behave and behave in the family, be virtuous and kind, and everyone praises;
For example: A good wife and mother are busy all day long, taking care of their children Xiaolingtang. I care about my well-being and doing housework, and my family relies on him as a pillar;
For example: I can go to the hall and go to the kitchen.
But now I feel that "virtuous" has a slightly derogatory meaning of , especially those "virtuous" in life, how many of them live happily?
rethinking the word "virtuous" is because I saw the story of Internet celebrity Fan Xiaohui.
Fan Xiaohui, is she virtuous? That is a necessary virtue. for so many years, I have been raising my own children and still find ways to make money. At the same time, I still don’t forget my husband who is far away from the border and often sends some food to him.
Many people think that marrying such a virtuous wife must be a blessing that has been cultivated in eight lifetimes. However, why would such virtuousness encounter such a result again?
Although this is not something that can be avoided by "unvirtuousness", sometimes, "virtuousness" is really unsatisfactory.
1 Too virtuous will only make the husband feel that he is "not needed"
A couple I met have been married for 15 years and have a very good relationship, but they still have their marriage to the end.
The baby mother Qianqian and her husband only had a child 5 years after marriage. They just wanted to spend a while of their two-person world. Even if the family urges me, my husband will help me block it.
After having a child, Qianqian began to get busy. She took care of the children and did housework by herself, but her husband didn't let her help. Many people say to Qianqian’s husband: "You are so lucky. I have married such a virtuous wife!"
Qianqian’s husband would say at first: "Yes, I’m lucky." Later, he said: "Yes, I’m not doing anything."
The husband took care of his children, Qianqian always felt that his husband was not well;
The husband did housework, Qianqian always said that his husband was not clean, the children crawled around and were dirty;
The husband cooked, Qianqian said that the taste was too heavy and the children couldn’t eat it.
Gradually, my husband became the boss.
After the child goes to elementary school, my husband feels that his high education has finally come in handy and decides to contract and tutor the child’s homework. After tutoring for half a semester, Qianqian felt that the child's grades were not particularly excellent, so she replaced her husband again.
It was not until a friend sent Qianqian a photo, in which there was a young girl in her husband's arms. Qianqian realized that her husband's thoughts were no longer at home.
When he returned home, he was asked by Qianqian. Her husband said, " You are very virtuous, very good, but she is different. She needs me. I am not by her side. She doesn't know the southeast, west and north, and often get lost. Her strength is the same as a cat, and the bottle cap cannot be opened..."
Qianqian suddenly felt very tired. She interrupted her husband: " Yes, I don't need you. After all, I can do anything. divorce." Qianqian, who divorced, never thought that it was because she was too virtuous.
So, why should you be so virtuous? Virtue will only make your husband feel that he is not needed.
What will a person do when he is not needed?
Some people will happily do what they like, such as playing games, fishing, etc.;
Some people will find the feeling of being "needed" and regain their confidence as a man, so they become unfaithful;
Some people will take the "virtuousness" of mothers for granted, and then pick the bones in "virtuousness"...
There are only a very small number of people who will constantly try to make their wives need themselves again.
To put it bluntly, if a mother in a family is too virtuous, then the family is very likely to be "imbalanced". The consequence of imbalance is the instability of a family.
2 In marriage, "loving yourself" is more important than anything else
says something that my mother deeply understands.
Guoma herself is also a tomboy. Once, when she cooked, she accidentally scratched her finger. The tomboy was like me, so she wrapped it in a band-and-mouth sticker to continue cooking. After seeing the bandage, Guo Dad asked what was going on, and then Guo Mom said something. 's disregarded attitude also made Guo Dad feel that it was no big deal.
When making the next meal, Guo's mother suddenly thought about Guo's father and said, "I don't feel it hurt at noon, but now I feel my fingers hurt so much!"
Then, Guo's father immediately cleaned my wounds and went to cook. When I wanted to clean up the dishes after dinner in the evening, Guo Dad didn't let me do it.
At that moment, Guo Ma suddenly understood the sentence: A child who can cry has breastfeeding and acts coquettishly, and a woman who is the best at risk.
Don’t wait until your husband is used to your virtuousness and feels that you can do everything and do not need any help, attention or care, and then think about how to win back your husband.
In marriage, there is really no need to be so virtuous.
When your husband is unwilling, the mother should act like a spoiled person. Many men actually take this trick;
When you are feeling uncomfortable, take more rest and throw what you should do to your husband;
When you are injured or wronged, don't bear it yourself and let your husband know that even if the other party doesn't express it, he will know your emotions;
When you don't want to do some things, just negotiate with your husband. There is no need to force yourself to be the most perfect in everything...
Nothing is more important than loving yourself. If you don’t love yourself, how many people have the heart of a Bodhisattva to love you? Except for your own parents.
Even if people say that they are not virtuous, not gentle, not obedient, not like a living person, etc., so what? Other people's words can never match the tacit understanding between husband and wife.
Emma Watson On International Women's Day , he reiterated his core philosophy: "What we strive for is not feminism, but both genders can be free."
We are mothers and wives, but we are ourselves first, individuals who need to be respected, and need freedom, not bound by "virtue". Housework and taking care of children are not just things that mothers need to do, but fathers also need to participate.
Once the freedom is no longer balanced and the mother is too virtuous, then the husband will return early and late in this family will be the same. But if this family needs a father, then he will naturally return home early!
So, advises mothers: If you want a happy family and your husband to return home early, please remember to put aside "virtuousness" earlier and love yourself first, so that others will love you.
Message
After reading "Kim Ji-young, born in 282", Guo Ma realized a truth: Only by "comprehensive and helping each other" can men and women avoid difficulties and gain freedom.
So, it’s not that mothers cannot be virtuous, but that they cannot be “one-sided” virtuous. Because not everyone will understand your virtuousness, and will respond and be grateful for your virtuousness. More often, men will take this kind of virtuousness as "taken for granted" and as stupid.
