I have asked myself countless times: "If all my relatives left me and I had nothing to care about, would I choose to live in seclusion in the mountains or commit suicide? Are these two choices equivalent?" I have always felt that I am very unfortunate, 5 When I was young, my moth

I have asked myself countless times: "If all my relatives left me and I had nothing to worry about, would I choose to live in seclusion in the mountains or commit suicide? Are these two choices equivalent?"

I have always felt that I am very unfortunate. , when I was 5 years old, my mother passed away ruthlessly, and I didn’t even know how to cry. For many years after that, I always hated my mother for leaving me so cruelly that I didn’t even know a girl’s most basic menstrual period. I was laughed at in school and was called a child with a mother but not a mother. . Later, I felt regretful that I was too young to attend my mother’s wake and funeral.

Without the protection of my mother, my father went out to work to support my sister and me, so I was given to my aunt to raise. My uncle was an alcoholic and neglected his job, and was making trouble outside every day. My aunt had two sons, plus my sister and I, two non-biological children, a total of four. Many dissatisfactions in life weighed on my aunt, and my sister and I naturally became the targets of her anger, so it was common for us to be beaten and scolded. At that time, my sister was already 10 years old and could understand better, so she often helped her aunt with work and was less likely to be beaten. When I was young, I only knew how to cry, so in my mind, I would always be beaten inexplicably. The most serious one was when she beat me with a dead sapling full of twigs, once, twice, three times... My whole body was covered with bloodstains, and I lay on the ground unable to move in pain.

However, the reason is just because I want to wash the dishes first and then go with her to pull weeds in the cornfield. At that time, she used a shovel to shovel my leg. Nearly twenty years later, the scar is still clearly visible! So, for the next ten years, I hated her!

Due to my childhood experience, I have a cold personality, which can also be said to be introverted. I like the dark night, walking on forest paths filled with fresh air, and being alone.

When someone asks me many years later, I will say: "I hate her, but I am also grateful to her." I understand that it was not easy for her back then, and I thank her for raising me and keeping me alive, so I no longer express hatred in words or deeds.

For me, the only people worthy of my sincere treatment are my father and sister. If one day they are no longer my concern, I will leave, not to mention leaving the world, at least leaving the public eye.

After getting married, I had a son. I no longer hold firm to my previous thoughts. I think that when my son starts a family and starts a business and no longer needs me, the old man and I will find a quiet mountain forest and live a leisurely life where men farm and women weave.

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