Where does your confidence to laugh at middle-aged divorced women come from? Text/Yan Lingyang 01 I have a small conflict with my ex-husband, and it has still not been resolved eight years later.

Where does your confidence come from to laugh at middle-aged divorced women?

Text/Yan Lingyang

01

I have a small conflict with my ex-husband, and it has still not been resolved eight years later.

I have two mobile phones. One of them gets a lot of harassing calls every day due to buying, selling, renting, buying cars, and participating in various promotional activities, so I simply muted it and kept the other phone number confidential. It's very good. I can answer anyone who calls me in seconds... I told him the phone number that I can answer in seconds eight years ago.

However, it has been eight years since he came to me and asked me about something ( is all about children ). He would always only call the previous phone number. If he couldn't get through, he would tell his children that I had "bad moral character" ( Wechat me I blocked him and only left a WeChat group with children there for communication ).

I don’t plan to turn on the instant pick-up mode for him alone, and he doesn’t plan to casually record the new numbers that I will answer in seconds.

As a result, this problem has been irreconcilable and unresolvable, but since it is not a waste of my time, I have no motivation to solve it.

I once complained about this matter on the Internet, but the familiar comments came again: Your ex-husband is really unlucky to find a woman like you. If you don’t mute the phone, won’t it be over? Some women get divorced for a reason. Shouldn't you reflect on it? When a man is busy, he also needs you to be more tolerant and considerate.

me:? ? ? ? Men can be busy, but I’m not busy? If a man slaps you when he is in a bad mood, do you have to reflect on whether your face looks "too slap-worthy"?

Over the years, I have become accustomed to such comments from netizens.

You are divorced, and a bunch of people who think their marriage is very successful come out to PUA you. What you did right in the past will also become your fault.

Your baby is sick, and a bunch of people who think they have raised your baby healthy come out to PUA you.

OK, since you hold the mentality of "winners and losers" and only judge the rightness or wrongness of the process based on the results, then I'm sorry, I happen to be very strong, and I can only accept the guidance of people who are really better than me. .

Before you give me advice next time, please show your college entrance examination transcripts, academic certificates, real estate certificates, income certificates, awards and achievement certificates in various fields, videos of your husband and wife always being in love and your children always being healthy, etc.

If you are worse than me in any aspect, I'm sorry, please shut up.

02

When surfing the Internet, it is always easy to encounter "eye-catching people".

Some time ago, I received such a private message: "There are still many good men in the world. Just because you haven't met one doesn't mean you don't have them. Don't think that men don't have any good qualities just because you meet a scumbag. If you don't keep your eyes open, it's strange." Who? You are too negative, please cancel!”

I sighed: Hey, I never said “no”. Most of the time we talk about ratio issues, “supply is less than demand”, and structural inequality. The problem. It has nothing to do with whether you wipe your eyes or not.

I was reading the private messages everyone sent me today. I suddenly turned to this article, and then I followed it to look at her homepage. I found that she had a Weibo post that said (to the effect): There are still men in this world who do not engage in prostitution. ?

Hey, what happened to you in just a few weeks.

Having said that, when people are young ( such as twenties ), they have not been severely beaten by society, so... it is especially easy to feel that the middle-aged people they come into contact with have failed, and then, it is indeed easy to develop " I will never live like that.”

When my ex-husband and I were in a relationship, we would hold hands the whole time when we went out to watch a movie ( was also in the theater).

At that time, we all knew a divorced sister. She had been divorced for ten years. The reason for the divorce was that her husband had cheated on her and even brought her mistress home.

She told me at that time: "Your boyfriend looks okay. Believe me, you will be very happy and will not make the same mistake as me. Men of this generation should respect marriage and women more than the previous generation."

That At that time, I felt the same way. I even naively thought that I must have a better eye for choosing men than she did, and I would be able to avoid what happened to her.

What's more, the breakdown of her marriage due to the man's cheating was just her unilateral rhetoric. Who knows what the actual situation is? Maybe she made some mistakes in that marriage?

As a result, only one year has passed, and I have been slapped in the face by reality. There is nothing new under the sun in

. The plot and subsequent plots are so similar to - after the man was proposed for divorce, he "suddenly" felt that having an extramarital affair was no longer interesting, and immediately broke off with his lover.

Then, a few years later, she remarried to a subordinate who was younger than herself, and had another child... The woman has always been single, but she is comfortable enough.

I estimate that most of the young people who read my articles now have the same mentality as "me back then"...

Their experience is too shallow, and they have not truly felt the cruelty and heavy weight of life, let alone the "last" There are old people and young people." The burden of life faced by middle-aged people.

Therefore, a considerable proportion of young people, when they see middle-aged people getting divorced, unemployed, losing their only child, or failing, they take it for granted that "they must not be smart enough, at least, not as smart as me. If I were them, what would I do?" ".

It doesn’t matter, some slaps in the face come quickly, and some slaps in the face come very slowly—it takes about ten years.

Ten years later, if you can reach the height I have reached now, I respect you as a hero.

03

When I was young, I once laughed at others. Of course, I might also be laughed at by others who were young and frivolous.

But now, after I have experienced something, and when I hear what happened to others, I can only sigh and just want to be silent. I even want to hug them who have just experienced a disaster.

I no longer dare to say that they are not smart enough to encounter these bad things. I am more willing to believe that they may just not be lucky enough.

If it were me, I might not be able to handle it better than them.

I don’t think there is anyone in this world who really needs to be disciplined.

Those who clearly seem to be better than you don't need your advice.

Everyone has their own reasons and compulsions for every choice they make. They are all the result of "choosing the lesser of several evils".

When I was young, I only saw other people’s stupidity, but now I mostly see other people’s difficulties.

After reaching a certain age, I no longer dare to laugh at others at will, because I discovered that when I condescendingly laugh at others, it may be the time when I deserve to be laughed at.

When we are young, we can only see ourselves, and rarely have the awareness to reflect on ourselves by observing others.

We don’t know how high the sky is, and we are in a fighting posture similar to climbing a mountain, so it is easy to be frivolous, and it is easy to look at and judge others from God’s perspective.

Or maybe, because you have experienced too little wind, frost, rain and snow, because someone has carried the burden for you so that you can travel lightly, or because you can’t see the burdens behind the old and middle-aged people walking around you, so you always feel that those The middle-aged man who fell must have poor physical fitness or poor mountain climbing skills. He always felt that he would not have fallen so embarrassingly if he had walked this journey on his own.

But slowly, you will grow up, and you will find that you do not have the ability to change the world, and you are not even sure whether you can do it without being changed by the world.
As you grow older, you will eventually have to face the cruelty of life. When you experience all this, you will have a little more understanding of your predecessors.

Every time I was taught by young people that I didn’t know how to behave, do things, manage finances, recognize people, run a marriage, raise children, be filial to my parents, or behave in society, I just smiled. , but was not in a hurry to refute.

Who made me take it for granted and was young and frivolous?

When I was young, there were always times when things I said were hard to hear. It doesn't sound bad, it means you haven't been young. If your speech is still ugly when you are old, it only means that your life has been in vain.

So now, when I face the ridicule and even lessons from young people, and when I see the scars on the hearts of people older than me, I always remind myself over and over again: Others are used to observe and examine myself. , it’s not my turn to judge. Don't laugh at other people's scars at will, because maybe it's just an injury you haven't experienced yet.

no longer dares to laugh at others because he has begun to respect fate.

If life is a river, then it has its own source and its own direction of flow. It has the gurgling of a stream, the roar of a river, the smoothness of a flat river, and the twists and turns of climbing over mountains and ridges.

No one can have smooth sailing. Your destiny will be accompanied by wind and waves, twists and turns, and one or two bad things will happen to you.

Hey, just like death, why do you think you are the chosen little fairy and God will deliberately spare you?

Life is like leaves, in the end, everyone will be broken.

People who don’t acknowledge this may have a hard time finding peace.

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Author: Yan Lingyang, born in the 1980s, emotional columnist, new feminism author, member of the Chinese Writers Association. He is the author of the best-selling books "Those things that cause you pain, one day you will say it with a smile", "May you let go of the past and be worthy of the future", "May you have a journey and a way out", "I'm Divorced", "Yes" You Are Not Lonely in the World - An Alternative Interpretation of Jin Yong's Martial Arts Novels" and the children's picture book "Mom's Home, Dad's Home". With 13 years of financial industry (management) experience, he is currently the founder of a cultural information consulting company and co-founder of a cultural media company in Guangzhou. Born in Lijiang, Yunnan, now lives in Guangzhou. Welcome to follow WeChat public account: Yan Lingyang Weibo: Yan Lingyang~