Have you ever had this experience: When you report work to your leader, you think you have stated the completed situation and the next plan and arrangements in a reasonable and well-founded way, but the feedback from your leader after listening is not ideal. The same situation may also occur with colleagues, family and friends. You don’t understand why?
Mr. Liu Yong's " secretly speaks deep in the heart" tells us: In interpersonal communication, the key is not what to say, but how to say it.
uses many easy-to-understand examples in the book to illustrate the way of speaking: working hard on subtleties can move people indescribably. I have chosen a few common examples for you to see if you also have these confusions in your daily life:
1. How to use the word "hello"
First, let's look at the first word "hello" when speaking on the phone. Don't think that a word matters, because the meaning conveyed by different tones may be very different, and even affect your life. This is not alarmist. Think about it. When you make a phone call every day, the other party only says "Hello". Have you ever said: "Are you waiting for someone?"
"Are you busy? I can Call me later? "
" Are you feeling uncomfortable? "Such words as this?"
Think about it now, why do you ask such a question? That's not all the guess you heard from the word "hello" conveyed in different tones by the other party. This is why the operators and customer service staff of some companies are specially trained and their voices usually sound better. When they say "Hi", you may think: Wow, so gentle! So kind! Some people even call over again just to hear the same voice again and have nothing to say.
On the contrary, if a person is exercising, cooking in a hurry, or is overwhelmed by work, and they receive a phone call, as soon as they say "Hello", they will naturally feel rushed, anxious, and impatient. Emotions. In this situation, no matter how much the person on the other end of the phone wants to say, he or she will probably have to rethink the content and method of what he wants to say. He may even have to temporarily swallow the words and say in a hurry: "Wait a minute." When you're done, call me again and hang up the phone.
Look, a "hello" can convey so much information, can we say it accidentally? If you missed a lot of opportunities because you didn't say "hello" correctly in the past, it doesn't matter. From now on, slowly learn how to say "hello" properly.
2. Talk less nonsense
The second thing is to talk nonsense. This can be said to be a deep-rooted common phenomenon when each of us speaks. Many people are used to bringing this, that, and in fact into their mouths almost every time they say one or two sentences. , I think, etc., there are some modal particles and related words that have no actual meaning, and some people will use some less civilized colloquialisms. For example,
made the following speech after the meeting: According to the results of today’s meeting, we should immediately enter combat readiness, but I see that no one is taking any action, so I have to take the lead. Maybe the person involved didn't feel it when he said it, but as bystanders, everyone may have heard a lot of "appearances", and the meaning of the sentence is easily ignored. But try to remove some of the "appearance": According to the results of today's meeting, we should immediately enter a state of combat readiness, but I see that no one is taking any action, so I have to take the lead. After removing the unnecessary "look" nonsense, will it be easier for people to understand the meaning of the sentence?
In addition, there are quite a number of people who are outgoing, have a wide range of contacts, are very good at communicating with others, and like to use their sharp tongue to communicate with others, but even so, their words are inevitably interspersed with a lot of nonsense. For example, former US President Ronald Reagan always liked to say "well" at the beginning of a sentence. This well is not only his mantra, but also a good buffer point when encountering an emergency and needing to think of words on the spot. Just using it too much will make people feel that there is a lot of nonsense, which will affect the communication experience.
There are also some uncivilized spoken words mentioned above. Maybe your friends know you well and know that your spoken words are not malicious, but after you develop a habit, you can't help but say a few words no matter who you meet, and the result will be bad. Dare to imagine. It's a minor thing for your elders to take advantage of you, but it's a big deal if you lose your job or can't get a girlfriend. It will leave people with the impression that you have no quality and bad conduct.
Therefore, if you want to change others' impression of yourself, it is very necessary to work hard to get rid of the habit of talking nonsense.
3. Watch people talk
Finally, let’s talk about one more thing: watch people talk.
There is an old saying: "Tell people what they say when you see them, and tell ghosts when you see ghosts." This means that when you meet different types of people, you should say words that match them. For example, a pastor went to preach in a slum in the morning. When he talked about a child telling him that humans were transformed from monkeys and not created by God, he replied: OK, you can ask monkeys for pocket money in the future. The parishioners in the slums below immediately laughed and thought he was humorous and good at talking. But in the afternoon when he arrived in the rich area, the pastor told the same thing and used the same words. As a result, many of the parishioners below said he was childish and inappropriate. appropriate. Why? Because the habits, concepts, knowledge, and thinking of the poor and the rich are not at the same level, they will naturally have different understandings of the same things and the same words.
People’s social attributes determine that social interaction is inevitable. If you want to have a good reputation that is loved by everyone, you need to learn to talk to different people in different situations. Even if it is the same words, facing different situations in different situations. The audience needs to express it in different ways in order to have a chance to achieve full effect. Therefore, the above-mentioned saying "Tell people what they say when you see them, and tell ghosts when you talk about ghosts" can be said to be rough words but not rough reasoning. It has its own truth that has been passed down through the ages.
Whether a person can succeed depends 20% on IQ, and the remaining 80% depends on emotional intelligence, and being able to speak is one of the key manifestations of high emotional intelligence. Since ancient times, whether it is as big as conquering the world or as small as negotiating a business deal, it is not a big problem to rely on force and IQ. However, if you want to rule the world and retain customers, strong support from high emotional intelligence is a must. I believe that Mr. Liu Yong's book "Secretly Telling the Deepest Hearts" can help you understand the way of speaking with high emotional intelligence.
