Confession/Fangzi Text/Xiaoqing
A few days ago, due to the epidemic, my son’s school was suspended and he took online classes at home, and the start of school was far away. One day, my son told me that his father wanted to take him to live in a new home for a week.
Yes, I got divorced and his dad started a new family with a third party.
We divorced two years ago, and I discovered that he was cheating on his female subordinate.
Ironically, when we were not divorced, he took my son and I, and several other colleagues who actually knew the truth, to form a bureau, and more than 10 people had a very pleasant "dinner" in a box. ".
It was also during this dinner party that he didn’t notice that I added the WeChat accounts of several of his colleagues. Later, I discovered his abnormal whereabouts in their circle of friends and found evidence of his cheating.
I didn’t cry or make any fuss. I just asked him to cleanse himself and leave the house, and the child would be mine.
He didn’t want to leave, saying it was just an impulse. He didn’t want the family to break up, and hoped to forgive him for the sake of his children.
I also struggled with contradictions for a while. After all, we were lovers on campus, and in the eyes of outsiders we were a very happy family. But my psychological "herbiphobia" is a gap that can no longer be crossed.
Half a year later, we were still divorced.
After he moved away, my 9-year-old son asked me, why didn’t dad come home?
I also told the child truthfully that his parents can no longer live together for some reasons, but their love for him will not change.
My ex-husband and I agreed that he could take his son out once a week, and I would be in charge of the child. Because my son can still see his father every week, our marriage change will not have much impact on our children.
However, life has changed this year. He remarried his cheating partner, a female subordinate, and she became pregnant.
Since he remarried, the number of times he came to see his son has decreased significantly. I made many requests, hoping that he could spend more time with his child, even if he stayed in a hotel outside, because the child also particularly hoped that his father could sleep with him for one night. He promised well, but he never took any action.
heard that his and her child was born recently. I don’t know if it was because of his conscience that he remembered his eldest son again. Instead of discussing it with me, he told his son that he would take him to his new home to see his younger brother.
I was very angry when I found out. In fact, I didn’t want my children to be involved. The main reason was that she was too arrogant and domineering. Not only did she destroy our family, but she also discredited me in our common circle of friends after our divorce. I really felt this tone. Can't swallow.
In the original divorce agreement, I stated that he could visit, but he could not bring his girlfriend or remarried wife to visit, otherwise the visitation rights would be revoked..
I told my child that I disagreed, but the child couldn't understand. He really wanted to go to his father's new home to see his younger brother, and he cried and made trouble with me because of this.
I also understand that since our divorce, the child has not spent 24 hours with his father, and he particularly longs for his father's company.
But my ex-husband’s method of coercing me through my children made me really angry. This forced me to be a “evil person” in front of my children.
How can I make my children understand my difficulties?
Expert interpretation:
In the name of love, reconcile with the past
Yoshiko:
Hello!
When your marriage falls apart because of the appearance of a third party, how painful and angry you feel in your heart!
You hate the third party, you hate her for breaking up your family and trying to discredit you, but you also need to see the truth about marriage through her and make yourself more mature and rational, so that you can bravely face and manage it. A relationship and marriage.
has talked about the third party issue, let’s talk about the education of your children after divorce.
When you got divorced, could you tell your child truthfully that mom and dad can no longer live together for some reasons, but their love for him will not change.
You also agreed that dad can take his son out once a week. This explanation and this arrangement are both very good, . However, now that your ex-husband is married, you still need to make some adjustments to your mentality.
Before divorce, you are the wife and she is the third party. You can blame them from a high moral position. But now that she has become your ex-husband's legal wife, it is no longer appropriate for you to crusade against them excessively.
The original divorce agreement stated that he could not bring his girlfriend or remarried wife to visit his children, which we can all understand. Now, if you try to prevent your son from going to his father's new home to see his younger brother, it will go against normal human emotions.
Half-brothers are also close relatives by blood. If you succeed in preventing it, it will not only make you look like a "wicked person" in front of your children, but it will also make the deep relationship between you and your children gradually weaken.
I also don’t recommend that you tell your children about the grudges between adults. For a child, one side is his mother and the other side is his father, both of whom he loves most.
As mothers, we always hope to minimize the harm to our children after divorce. Then, even if it is to educate your children well, now you can try to reconcile with the third party from your heart.
The child knows best who is good or bad to him, so just let the son and his ex-husband’s family get along normally.
If she is really generous enough to treat your child as her own, having one more person to love your son would not be a bad thing.
If the child does not have a happy life in his father's new home, he will naturally not want to run there. When the time comes, it will not be too late to adjust the relationship between father and son.
True education is based on understanding (especially understanding each other's and one's own emotions), and true love often means tolerance.
When your children need the nourishment of family affection the most, we believe that you will make a difficult but wise choice.
Note: The above remarks only represent the personal opinions of experts
Expert in this issue Xiao Jun:
Psychological and marriage counselor, author of "Emotional Intelligence Training Rules in Marriage and Love", etc.
Today’s Women’s Daily Emotional Clinic Column Confession Email:
Editor | Yiyi
Second Trial | Wu Duan
Third Trial | Ouyang Lingxi
