Preface:
Everyone is a microcosm of the times, a grain of sand in the ups and downs of the times, but they also have their own unique light. They are ordinary, they are in a hurry, they are tired of life, they are noisy, they work hard to live, and they deserve to leave a deep or shallow mark of their own in the changes of the times. This is why I started writing scraps Random thoughts, writing about the people around me, relatives, friends, colleagues, and even you who I have met once or have never met.
In August 2012, my sister-in-law gave birth to her daughter by caesarean section in our hometown hospital. After leaving the hospital, I went directly back to my mother-in-law's house for confinement. My sister-in-law's father-in-law and mother-in-law did not come, but only sent a little money as a meeting gift. My sister-in-law's confinement period was taken care of by my mother-in-law. I quite envied my sister-in-law's confinement period. When I was in confinement period, I also wanted to have my own mother accompany me through it at my own home.
But the traditional mother feels that taking care of the confinement child is not her business. She should take care of her daughter-in-law, and I should be taken care of by my mother-in-law. During the entire confinement period, my mother came to see me once. She took her one-year-old niece with her, sat there for a short while, and then left in a hurry. In the latter part of the confinement period, I recovered a bit. It was very difficult to stay in a strange village like my husband's house without anyone around me.
I want to go back to my mother's house, the familiar home where I grew up. But my mother said that it would be very unlucky for a daughter who was born in the family to return to her parents’ home during her confinement period. She warned me not to act willfully and that I could go back when I was out of confinement. She couldn't stay there even when she went back. She had to take care of her little niece and it was too busy. I am a married person with a husband-in-law, so I cannot rely on her.
I put down the phone, it was windy and rainy, I held an umbrella alone and walked around my husband's village in circles. It was summer, but the wind was cold and swishing, and I felt like I was hanging in the air. In the middle of the world, I can't reach the world or touch the ground, wandering like a lonely ghost, with no place to go and no home. I pity myself and can't stop crying.
I cried until dark, wiped my tears, and went back. My daughter was still crying for food. For many years afterwards, my heels were always numb, and my shoulders, arms, and legs were afraid to blow cold wind or catch cold, otherwise it would be very painful and uncomfortable. I don’t know if it was a sequelae caused by the wind and rain that day.
Probably every married daughter will have to experience this kind of pain: the family you once had has become your natal family, and you have become an outsider and a relative. My husband's family, you came in halfway, it's hard to blend in, you are an outsider after all. Only when you truly have a sense of your own small family psychologically, get rid of your attachment to your natal family, and get rid of your fantasies about your husband's family, will you truly become independent.
This is a journey of disappointment, pain, helplessness, and intertwined emotions. I envy my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law very much. They don’t need to go through such a period of torture. They have been living in their own homes, enjoying themselves and spending their time peacefully.
Father-in-law, mother-in-law and sister-in-law, the three of them stayed at home to take care of their sister-in-law's daughter. The child's father was still working in Wenzhou , earning more than 4,000 yuan a month. After expenses, there was not much left. My sister-in-law is very thin and very small. She was born by caesarean section and her body is damaged. She has no breast milk and the baby relies on milk powder. At the beginning, my father-in-law was still working as an electrician on the construction site, and he had an income of several thousand yuan a month, so the family could cope with it.
But when the child was more than one year old, my father-in-law suddenly suffered a stroke and was hospitalized. Fortunately, he was sent to the hospital in a timely manner and the treatment was relatively thorough. There were not many sequelae. After being discharged from the hospital, he walked normally and was able to take care of himself. . But I feel weak and often dizzy. I can no longer work as an electrician on construction sites, and my family has lost several thousand yuan in income a month. My father-in-law was not yet 60 years old at that time. He became very bad-tempered and often beat his mother-in-law. Later, he became obsessed with playing mahjong.
The financial situation of my mother-in-law's family is getting worse day by day, and her dependence on us is getting heavier and heavier. My husband and I were still not very well paid at that time. After work, my husband was working in partnership with others and lost a lot of money. How much help can we give to our parents-in-law? I can only guarantee the monthly medication money for my father-in-law, and occasionally transfer some milk powder money to my sister-in-law.We don’t have the power to turn their lives around completely.
My husband blames himself very much. Perhaps the saddest thing about being a son is that after going to college and working to make money, he still has no ability to change the poor and backward living conditions of his parents.
Every time we go back to our hometown, people in the village say that it is enough for my mother-in-law and father-in-law to stay at home and take care of the children, and let my sister-in-law go out to work to earn money. Where are the young people in the village taking care of their children at home? But my sister-in-law only had a child in her late 30s, and she was reluctant to let her child become a left-behind child. Take her to Wenzhou. She doesn't go to work. Her husband can't support a family of three by himself. If she goes to work, there will be no one to take care of the children. We can only maintain the status quo and stay in our hometown.
Just like this, a few more years passed. My sister-in-law’s daughter went to kindergarten. My sister-in-law picked her up and dropped her off at home every day. My mother-in-law cooked and did farm work, and my father-in-law played mahjong. The family was very frugal and their expenses were very low. We helped from time to time, and their lives were also good. I can make do with it.
During this period, we sold the sixth floor that my brother bought for me when I got married. In fact, I was reluctant to sell it and I didn’t want to move out. It had a terrace or a duplex, but the reality was that the sixth floor was leaking and the property was unreliable. , never care or ask. In addition, in winter, it is extremely cold on the sixth floor and the water pipes freeze, so there is often no water for ten or twenty days. I paid the price for my willful purchase of the penthouse, and had no choice but to sell it and get my current house.
Our house is better than the original one, but the house in my hometown is even more dilapidated. The main house of my mother-in-law's house is a tile-roofed house. When it rains heavily, there will be light rain in the house. The house and house belong to my sister-in-law. I don’t think it is our responsibility to renovate the house or tear it down and rebuild it. We can help, but we can’t take all the responsibility. We can’t afford to pay it all. Building a house in rural areas now costs 200,000 to 300,000 yuan.
Building a house has become a worry for my father-in-law and my mother-in-law. They are unable to build it, and as the homeowner's sister-in-law, neither is it. The last hope is with us. My mother-in-law proposed that the house and house be returned to us, and that my sister-in-law would be allowed to buy a house in the county in the future. Our hometown will always be ours, and we can build the house however we want. The house we build will be ours anyway.
I was almost 40 years old at that time and had seen a lot more clearly. Mother and daughter are close to each other, and I can understand that mother-in-law considers her daughter. After all, most parents always prefer their children who are not doing well. My fourth aunt said it more directly in front of me: This old woman just wants you to build a house for her daughter to live in. You won’t come back to live together, so how can you drive her mother away by then?
all think that we will never go back to our hometown, but none of them know. I have always thought about returning to my hometown after retirement. A few houses, a big yard, planting flowers and vegetables, raising chickens and dogs, this is the life I have always longed for. It turns out that when I gave the house to my sister-in-law, I was preparing to retire and buy a piece of land in my hometown to build my own house. A piece of land in my hometown costs tens of thousands of yuan, which I can definitely afford.
Actually, I thought about it. Our family has two houses. My brother and brother will definitely not go back to their hometown. I can build my own house on the dilapidated old house. Later I realized that I was too naive. No matter whether my brother or brother came back or not, it would still be their house. My mother said that it would not be my turn if it was my cousin's turn.
In this case, my mother-in-law said to return it to us, of course I would be happy to do so. But I made two demands. First, we should pay all the money to build the house, but the kind of house to be built must be based on our ideas. I want to build a brick house. The house does not seek style, but is practical and economical. A few hundred thousand is enough. The yard must be big and the house must be decorated to suit my aesthetic. Second, before I go home to retire, my sister-in-law can live wherever she wants, but after I go back to retire, they have to move out.
My mother-in-law disagreed, saying who in the village still builds tile-roofed houses? They are all buildings. He also said that if it weren’t for us, the house would have been built long ago. The mother-in-law was referring to the renovation project of old houses in the village a few years ago. The government has a policy that if the old houses are in dilapidated condition, the government will provide 80,000 yuan to help build new houses. My mother-in-law's house is within that range, and the relevant departments have already taken photos and are preparing to report it to the authorities.After checking, it turned out that the mother-in-law's son and daughter-in-law both had jobs, which was not in compliance with the regulations.
Alas, we are indeed lagging behind.
