In order to write this article, I racked my brains. A few days ago, I saw a post on the forum asking for help from my son's husband: "Hello friends on the forum, I came to the forum today with an open-minded attitude of asking for advice.

In order to write this article, I racked my brains. A few days ago, I saw a post on the forum asking for help from my son's husband: "Hello friends on the forum, I came to the forum today with an open-minded attitude of asking for advice. I got married early. I thought marriage was not that complicated. I thought marriage was a matter between two people. Now that I have been married for less than 2 years, I have encountered a lot of setbacks. The setback is - how to perform my dual roles as a husband and a son. How to be a good husband and son? Please give me some advice and help in my description below. I think you are all involved, and you are the women on the front line! Now there are 5 people in the family, and I am the only one working. My wife, children, and my parents are all at home, and the family is actually not short of money. For me, what is lacking is harmony. My wife is not very fond of pleasing others, and is a strong-willed, stubborn person; my mother is not talkative. He is mostly a kind and stubborn person; my father talks a lot, and sometimes his words are sarcastic, and he is a good person. His dissatisfaction with everyone in the family is as follows: My wife said to my mother: She said that my mother is too economical, which is reflected in her constant talk. We waste electricity, waste water, and water is always dripping on the floor; we are not good enough to our grandson, we don’t buy clothes for him to wear, and sometimes we don’t help with the laundry. My wife says to my dad: He always speaks sarcastically and sarcastically. , disliked my dad for not working at home, and didn’t tell my parents about the land expropriation and division of the family (the money sharing between my married sister and I was an extra tens of thousands in my wife’s eyes). To my wife: She said that my wife has a bad temper and living habits. My parents said to me that I am unfilial and that I have forgotten my father and mother when I have a wife. My wife said to me that I always stand by my parents. She said that she was always alone. My wife lamented: I regretted getting married. It would be better to stay at home and live separately in the future. The separation of houses would only be done at the end of the year. My parents lamented: I can’t rely on such a big son, and I don’t want to do it in the future. They asked us to raise them. We had to live separately in separate houses. I felt that it was so difficult to be at home. Sometimes I didn’t want to go home, but I had to go home. I thought no matter how hard it was, we couldn’t live separately because my parents only had a son like me. , It’s hard to live in our suburbs separately. Also, we have many things to do on our own, such as cooking, shopping, etc. How do you think I should play my role?”

Regarding the function of “husband”, psychology Jia Wu Di believes that a husband should be a "firewall" and "isolation zone" between his mother-in-law and his daughter-in-law to protect his small family from his mother. Regarding the question of whether young people should live with their parents after marriage, she also advocated that "young people should stand on their own feet and be self-reliant." Setting up one's own business after marriage has become the choice of most young people today.

Husbands also need to know that when this woman married you, she found something in you that could support love, such as your ambition, your thoughtfulness, and your conduct in dealing with others. If you marry someone and there is nothing to support your love and your shared inner beliefs, then no matter how beautiful the beginning of your marriage, it will not last long. When a woman enters a marriage, if she cannot control the family life of herself and her husband according to her own will, what is the meaning of such a marriage to the woman? If husbands cannot look at the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law from this perspective, but insist on asking their wives to give in and respect their mothers, the wives will only taste pain in the marriage instead of happiness. Likewise, husbands will not feel happy. This is how the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law affects the relationship between husband and wife. Many women, in such hopeless marriages, place all their hopes on their children, and are emotionally dependent on their children to a very serious extent. In the future, when the children grow up and start a family, what kind of relationship will there be between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? I can't imagine it. Maybe today's young mothers are sensible enough and will choose to have their own later life in the future.

If husbands want to establish their own independent family life and create a happy marriage for themselves and their wives, they must realize:

1. There are many forms of filial piety to your mother. You don’t have to live together to be called filial. If possible, try not to tie the mother to the wife.

2. If you live together, please do some ideological work to understand the mother. The more you control her, you will love your child subjectively and harm your child objectively. In a family with a son-in-law, the mother's role can only be a supporting role, to be a happy Jia Mu (except for the husband who does not marry a housewife but to marry a nanny and a childbirth tool). Of course, no one wants to withdraw from the stage of history, but if the mother just withdraws, and the wife has just stepped on the stage of history, it would be too cruel for the husbands to deprive their wives of the right to perform on the stage?

3. If you live together, when asking your wife to fulfill her obligation to respect the elderly, please make it clear that your wife should have matching rights. Delineate the scope of marital affairs and the mother-in-law shall not interfere. These categories include: the rights and obligations of husband and wife to love and respect each other (mother-in-laws cannot see the husband being kind to his wife, and must realize that it is the fault of the mother-in-law, not the fault of the husband or wife). Of course, if the relationship between mother and child is good, the wife is not allowed to interfere; the couple's finances Affairs; children’s education matters; the wife’s right to be the master of household matters (will continue when I think of it).

4. If the mother takes action to antagonize her son and daughter-in-law out of love for her son, husbands should take the initiative to realize that this "love" action will affect the relationship between husband and wife. (There are very few husbands who can recognize and distinguish this.) It is best to refuse artistically, so as not to make the mother feel that the kindness is unappreciative to the son, and at the same time, it does not affect the relationship between the couple. With the rights guaranteed in the above matters, no matter what the mother-in-law does, the daughter-in-law can always give in. Although women are naturally small-minded, most wives can still think about many small things and don't care about them at all. Maybe my son’s husband’s sandwich cake life will be a little easier.

Some mothers-in-law are uneducated or educated but strong-willed. It is difficult for sons to communicate with such mothers according to the above principles. But modern husbands are all literate husbands. At least they should have such concepts or concepts in their hearts. Under the guidance of such concepts, you can view and handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, so that you can take care of your wife. How to deal with a mother who can't communicate depends on the sons' respective talents. As a son, you can adopt a policy of force and carrot to fully satisfy your mother materially and care for her spiritually. However, when it comes to the above marital issues, you have to persuade your mother. If the persuasion fails, you can just yell (the husband will not go too far). At this time, The daughter-in-law of a woman usually avoids her. If she can't avoid it, she will ignore it. She is determined not to get angry, so as not to bring trouble to herself.

Through the investigation and research in Apte's book, she found that mother's doubts about her son's relationship are the driving force behind the discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Apter said: "The root of the problem is human fragility. A mother is worried that the precious relationship between mother and child will be threatened by the arrival of a daughter-in-law. The mother will think, 'Am I still valuable to my son?' "

The son's task is to let his mother know that her status in the family and her status in the son's heart are as they have always been and will be in the future. Of course, most men are not good at this task.

The longer the interval between quiet days at home, the more As time goes by, the life of the son's husband is getting better and better.

As a son's husband, you also need to be aware of the way your mother speaks. Some mothers-in-law do treat their wives in front of their sons, and are quite harsh on their daughters-in-law when their sons are away! , the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are separated by the belly, and a slap cannot make a difference. It is recommended that they separate and do not live together, even if they are renting a house. If the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is always uneasy, then have less contact. You should go home often to see the elderly. Give her pension. If mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can't get along, there's no need to force them to get along. To put it bluntly, they are two strangers. Because of you, they have a relationship with each other, but they don't have any feelings at all, just like you and the people around you. It's like strangers can't get along. Maybe something is wrong. What can you do? Just fulfill your obligations. (Transfer to QQ)