01.
Letters from readers: Hello, I have a strong relationship with my boyfriend for more than 1 year. Well, both parties can feel the love.
But because he is a returned overseas Chinese and his family is not in China, I don't know much about him, so I always don't trust him.
Once, I found him diving with a girl. I saw the video. He praised and praised the girl: You are the most beautiful. I found out and deleted him by pulling black.
He found me the same day, but he quarreled again in the process, and because I didn’t trust him, he sent WeChat to the girl later and gave me a screenshot of WeChat, which indeed proved them. It doesn't matter between.
But I don’t trust my boyfriend even more.I think he knows no boundaries when interacting with girls.
I once asked him to post to Moments. From July to now, I haven’t posted for various reasons.
Later, he promised to send it on August 15, but he drank some wine that day, he did not send it, we quarreled again, deleted me this time.
The next day, he found me again. He said that he didn't want me to force him to do anything. He would naturally post when he wanted to, but I just wanted to prove whether he recognized me as his girlfriend.
I am insecure , but what I care more about is whether is really only my girlfriend. Does he really love me as he said? If so, why not do it if he posts such a small thing to a circle of friends?
Kai Zi replied: Hello girl,What kind of girls like to delete people at every turn? Girls who are particularly insecure.
The purpose of her deletion is not to really abandon this relationship, but to get the other person's attention by deleting it.
Do you know what this is, If you just delete the other party, if you say it plainly, you are threatening the other party. is you.
But in the end, you can't ignore him at all, because your purpose is not to break up with him. Your purpose is to hope that he is afraid that you are really gone.
But who is always willing to be threatened by himself, he will also feel angry and bored, so your relationship becomes a repeated quarrel, he feels very tired, neither do you happy.
Girls who are insecure will also pay special attention to trivial things. For example, if you want him to send a circle of friends to prove your relationship, you don’t want him to admit that you don’t send it. His girlfriend.
But you don't trust him, and you will delete him whenever you want. Obviously, he can't confirm the relationship with you.
I always tell everyone, all the relationship is a mirror , it depends on how you treat him.
In other words, you don't trust him, so it is difficult for him to trust you.
For example, if you think he wants to send a circle of friends to prove that he loves you, you can also look at it from his perspective, , why do I love you so much? You have to force me to post a circle of friends before you believe it?
Do you think he can't do such a small thing in the circle of friends, then he will also think that if I love you, no matter how much I do, it’s useless, just If you don’t post in a circle of friends, is it because I don’t love you anymore?
You will be disappointed,He will also be disappointed.
Girl, you said you want to know if he really loves you, is there really only you as a girlfriend. You have to know whether to love or not is not when you want the other person to love, the other person will love it.
Whether you love or not depends on whether you still feel love between you, and whether he is in love with you.
When you are together, you always quarrel because of a small matter. There is no trust at all. Even if you originally loved it, you will gradually become unloving.
It’s as if you don’t feel how much he loves you now. In fact, he doesn’t feel how much you love him because of what you do.
Another one, you want him to prove that he loves you by listening to you, shows that you have a strong desire to control, 2 The reason why you have a strong desire to control is because you are insecure. You have never experienced a stable relationship since you were a child. This makes you particularly afraid of feeling out of control, so you try to just catch him.
So What you really have to learn to deal with now is why you feel so insecure in your heart ,Why do you care about these trivial things so much.
These are far more important than whether he has posted to Moments.
If you have not dealt with your inner problems, even if he promised you to post to Moments this time, you will still have conflicts over such trivial matters next time.
You also need to know that no feelings can withstand repeated deletions and blackouts, , and no love can be maintained without trust.
More importantly, your insecurities will not just be insecure in this relationship. You will be in the same pattern in any relationship _span Will use the same method to obtain a sense of security.
No matter who you meet, and no matter how good you are at the beginning, you may end up distrusting this person, because the longer you are together, the more you treat each other The requirements will be more.
wants to change this vicious circle,Learn quickly, learn to understand yourself, learn to get along, learn to empathize, so that you can have better intimacy.
02.
Letters: Kay purple teacher Hello, I was a child of two Baoma, married The eighth year.
Husband is out of town all year round, and I am alone with two children at home. In the past few years, things have not been going well. My husband cares less and is eccentric. I have a bad mentality and often quarrel with her husband.
recently had the idea of divorce, still wants to hold on for the children, but wants to get rid of the current dilemma. What should do? Teachers please advise
I look forward to replying~~~
Thank you!
Kai Zi replied: Hello girl,When each of us wants to get rid of difficulties, we must have a very important consciousness. You have to think about why you want to get rid of. is because for so long, your state and the way of your life are in line with yours. Expectations do not match.
So if you want to change your lifestyle, it means you need to make changes.
There are two aspects to change. On the one hand, it is the change of the other party, on the other hand, we make the change ourselves.
Why many people’s lives get into trouble is because they always expect the other person to make changes, but they remain unchanged.
That is to say, the reason why our lives will be bad, Because we always put our hope on others, we hope that the other party will bring us life changes.
If we ourselves can become the one that actively changes, the other party will also change because of your changes, and we can only do so.It is possible to change the current dilemma.
For example, you can start from these points now.
- 1, Communicate more with your husband and learn more about his hardships in the field.
- 2, Adjust your mentality, tell your husband your difficulties, and see if there is any way to solve the problem in the remote place.
- 3. Cultivating some children and hobbies outside of the family, enriching their lives, will also help to adjust their mentality.
You can try for the last three years. Divorce is easy, but if you have a bad mentality and don’t know how to manage a marriage, even divorce may not improve your current state.
Besides, there are two children, divorce is not easy.
I personally suggest that unless the other party did something very serious and caused you great harm, do not divorce you easily _span5 _strong6span _strong6span May face greater difficulties.
may not really be able to get rid of the current predicament and get a better life.
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